always and forever - billie eilish

not to upset you

title: ilomilo - billie eilish

elle's POV

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i can't believe she would say that.

she knows how fucking bad i feel that i couldn't calm grayson down yesterday.

she knows that.

why is she being so..... bitchy?

i can tell she's stressed

frustrated

just all around upset.

i can tell. 

but everytime i ask her about it, she says she's fine.

there's obviously a problem.

i know it's not PMS because that comes at the end of the month.

she gets her at the end of the month literally every time.

it's like clockwork.

anyway, i don't know what i can do to get her to open up.

obviously i'm not going to get to sleep anytime soon. i turn and look at the clock, seeing it reads 3:24 am. billie left like two hours ago. i stand up from the bed and walk to the kitchen. i get a glass of water and walk passed the nursery, seeing billie laying on her back while laying on the hammock and staring up at the ceiling. she turns and looks at me and we lock eyes. i sigh and look down at my feet before walking over to her. i silently offer her one of the sleeping pills i got from the kitchen and she takes it. i hand her my water and she sips some of it after placing the pill on her tongue. "thanks." she whispers and looks down at her hands, clasping them on her stomach. i set the glass of water on the dresser beside me and sit down on the ground. "listen i'm sorry. i didn't mean to wake him up." i tell her. "angel, i should be the one apologizing. i shouldn't have blown up on you like that. i'm just really stressed out right now. with the kids and my job, everything. it's just..... a lot. and i know that gives me no excuse to take it out on you. it was an accident." she explains. "you know you can talk to me billie. i'm your wife, that's what i'm here for." i remind her. "i just didn't want to stress you out" her voice breaks as she talks and i instantly sit up and pull her into a hug. "you don't need to worry about that billie. i'm here for you no matter what. if anything it stresses me out when you don't talk to me about this kind of stuff." i say, rubbing her back as she sobs against me. "i-i'm sorry" she chokes out. "come on, let's go lay down in our room. i don't want to wake up any of them." i suggest, helping her out of the hammock and to our bed. 

"you know i love you right? i would never snap at you like that. i shouldn't have let my stress get to me that much." she sniffles, wrapping her arms around me once we lay down. "i know baby. i know. i love you too. don't forget that." i nod and rub her back. i wipe the tears from her face as she starts to calm down. i press my lips to hers and she kisses me back. once we break off the kiss she hugs me, burying her face in my neck. i smile a little and wrap my arms around her, rubbing her back in circles soothingly. "i love you more than anything in this world." she tells me. "i love you one billion times more." i respond. "i love you eight billion times more." she argues. "i love you infinity times more." i inform her. "damn it, i forgot about infinity." she curses herself and i laugh a little. "i guess we can call it even." i give in. "hell yeah" she smiles against my skin and i hold her even closer.