always and forever - billie eilish

damn, she's the one

title: soulmate - lizzo

billie's POV

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"hey guys, i just wanted to come on here and apologize for everything that happened. i had no idea the paps were filming and taking pictures or i never would've done that. please if any of you have copies of the video, delete them and don't post it. i don't want to expose ellie and i like that and i definitely don't want you guys to think we just fuck all the time. i really love ellie and i love our kids, if this were to affect my career i could lose my job and elle would have to be the only one working until i find another manager. please be considerate of our lives. i know it sounds crazy but we are real people. so if you see any pictures or videos of elle and i, please report them and get them taken down. i hope you guys don't see ellie and i differently because of this. i'll make sure to give you guys updates on the kids and elle and i. thank you so much, i love you. muah" i record myself and blow a kiss before ending the video and putting it on both my instagram and snapchat story. i pace back and forth through my bedroom and hear elle and the kids laughing. 

i can't go out there right now.

i don't want the kids to see me like this.

i'm a mess.

that one bad decision could ruin my life.

i don't know how elle has put on such a brave face through this.

she's so good with the kids.

she's such a good mom.

i can't believe i did this to her.

we're practically a fucking pornhub couple now.

god damn it.

i sit down on my bed and put on my headphones, playing runaway by AURORA. i lay down and stare up at the ceiling, just trying to calm myself down. 

after about an hour the door opens and i see elle holding a tray of food, the kids standing behind her. she says something to the kids but i can't hear her over the music. i take the headphones off as the triplets run out of the room, elle shutting the door with her foot. "hey honey" elle smiles weakly and sets the tray down on my lap. "thank you for this" i pout and kiss her. "the kids actually did a lot of the work" she laughs quietly and points to the card. it's a picture of our family drawn in crayon. elle and i are holding hands with finn on my right side, elle on my left, emory on elle's side and gray on the far left. i open it and see elle's handwriting. 

dear billie,

i want you to know how much i love you. you're such an amazing mom to these kids and i will forever be in your debt for blessing me with them. i could write and write about how much i love you, but i figure you want to hear what your kids think about you as well. once you're finished reading this card, i'm going to give you three more notes. one from emory, one from finn and one from grayson.

i know there's no special occasion but i don't think i need one to tell you how much i love you. that should be an everyday thing and i don't say it nearly enough. i love you more than you could know. more than you love burritos. more than finneas loves claudia. more than your dad loves old, dorky history facts. more than your mom loves the planet. and of course more than you love me. but all of that love added together is still not enough. 

don't even get me started on what a great mom you are. they love you so much. you're their role model and their best friend. i can tell you're going to be the one they go to with problems in their life, asking you for some of that amazing advice you give me. i can't believe it's only been two years since they were born. but then again i think, holy shit two years already? fucking weird. anyway, thank you for blessing me with these angels. you have no idea how grateful i am. 

even before we met, i had a strange somewhat magnetic attraction to you. ever since i heard your first song, you've been running through my mind. even when we weren't together. and i am so glad that elizabeth, finneas and claudia got us back together. thank you for getting back and putting up with my dumbass. 

lastly, i just wanted to remind you that you are my everything in life. you're my best friend, my smile, my happiness, my reason for living, the love of my life, my soulmate, my world, my everything. i don't know how i got so lucky as to call you my wife. just to have you in my life in general. thank you for so many great years together. i can't wait for more. i'll be here by your side through everything. loving you through thick and thin. always and forever.

love, 
                                 your ellie

i feel myself start to tear up as i read through her letter. i hug her and kiss her neck once. "i love you so much." i tell her. "i love you way more." she responds. "not possible."