always and forever - billie eilish

there's so many thoughts going through my brain

title: i fall apart - post malone

elle's POV

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"she's not gone elle. she's still with us." finneas repeats. "is she.... awake?" i ask, praying that she's not going to have to go through what i did. and i don't think i could be in her position. i couldn't handle seeing her like that for nearly as long as she had to see me in that place. she doesn't like when people see her at her weakest and i know for a fact that when i was in a coma and afterword, i was weaker than i've ever been. i only got back to my regular happiness when i got back together with billie and now just the thought of seeing her like that makes me plummet even further than i already am. "yes. she's awake." he nods, still looking like he's about to cry once again as he wipes away his tears. i rush to my room and change into different clothes, putting my shoes on and grabbing blu from his spot on the bed. "we're going to see her." i order as i put blu's vest on. "elle, i don't think you're ready to see her." finneas tells me with the same unreadable expression. he seems so.... broken. "she's my wife. i'm going." i respond. "i'm serious elle. she's not looking too good." he explains. "i don't care! billie is my wife. if she is in the hospital, god knows i'm there too. now are you coming or not?" i ask. "okay." he sighs and follows me to the car. i buckle blu in and get in the driver's seat as finneas sits in the passenger's.

we get to the hospital and get billie's room number. i rush to her room as fast as i can and see her laying in her bed watching a movie, scrolling through her phone. from what finneas told me, both of her legs are broken, she sprained her left wrist and her right shoulder got dislocated so it's in a sling not to mention she got bad whiplash. i know she'd hate for me to see her like this but i don't care. like i told finneas, if billie is hurt i'm going to be there no matter what. "oh. hey" she smiles a little. "oh look at you, you're adorable. can i pet him?" billie asks when blu tries to jump into the bed with her. i furrow my eyebrows and pick blu up, letting billie pet him. "oh you're so cute, so cute" she says in that adorable baby voice and smiles at him. "billie, why are you acting like you've never seen blu before?" i ask with a confused look. 

why is she acting so weird?

"because i haven't. oh shit, by the way my name is billie." she laughs a little. "who're you?" she asks.  "it's me, elle." i laugh a little, utterly confused, and she laughs along awkwardly. "i'm your wife billie." i explain, showing her the ring. she looks down at her hand and her eyes go wide. "really?" she asks. "yeah. billie, do you not remember me?" i question. i turn around and see finneas with that sad look on his face. he lets out a sigh and i feel my eyes well up with tears. "i'm sorry." billie tells me. 

my mind starts spinning and i feel like i'm in the middle of a tornado. i start to shake and i run passed finneas and don't stop running until i'm outside. i sit down on one of the benches and bury my head in my hands. 

she doesn't remember me.