always and forever - billie eilish

this is america

title: this is america - childish gambino

billie's POV

three years later because a bitch lazy and.... yeah.

-------------------------------

"hey elle, there's a memorial for george floyd and all the people that were killed by the police later tonight and i thought we could go to it." i explain, showing her the information on my phone. "definitely. but why are they having it?" she asks. "it's the five year anniversary of floyd's death" i answer. "alright, i'll go to the store and pick up some poster board and we can leave it there" she suggests. "sounds good, should i ask my parents to watch the kids or should we take them with us?" i ask. "i think we should take them with. it's good that they learn about this kind of thing" she explains. "alright, sounds good" i agree. "i'll be back in like half an hour, i love you" elle says after getting her shoes on and pecks her lips to mine. "the fuck was that?" i laugh and pull her back into a longer kiss. "better. i love you too" i smile as i break the kiss off and she grabs her keys.

after about five minutes i feel someone latch onto my leg. i look down and see finn smiling up at me. "hello" i say in a goofy voice, making him giggle. "hi" he smiles widely and makes grabby hands up at me. i pick him up and rest him on my hip. "what's up little man?" i ask. "where's mommy?" he asks. "she went to the store. you, your siblings, mommy and i are going to make some signs." i explain. "for what?" he asks, tilting his head. "go get em and gray. i'm gonna tell you a story." i order. 

"so you know your friend gracie? she could face these problems. it's sad but it's true. i wish it weren't. but five years ago, there were protests. do you know what that means?" i ask after explaining a lot of it to them in the only child-friendly way i could think of, a song i wrote a long time ago. "uh uh" gray shakes his head. "protests are when a group of people gathers together as a way to try to stop a problem. they make signs and march through the streets. one time, i marched for five miles straight with a huge sign above my head. and mommy was right beside me with a sign that was bigger than her" i tell them, making them all laugh. "where were we?" em asks. "you weren't born yet. mommy wasn't even pregnant yet. but a little over a month later, mommy and i went to the doctor and they took some of my DNA and some of mommy's DNA and eight months later gray popped out. and then em. and then finn. finn is a miracle boy, you know that? you're all miracles but finn almost didn't make it." i explain to them. 

after a few minutes of explaining what happened to finn, elle walks through the door with two huge pieces of cardboard in her hands and a few small poster boards in a bag on her arm. "here, let me help you" i laugh and jog over to her, grabbing the cardboard from her. "so what i was thinking was if we can write fast enough, we could write names of people killed by the police on this one." elle explains, running her hand over the huge piece of cardboard. "that sounds good" i agree. "mommy!" finn exclaims and runs over to elle, trying to jump into her arms. "hello buddy!" she smiles and kneels down to his level. she holds her arms open and they all hug her. "i want a hug" i frown. i see elle whisper something to them and they smile and nod. "get her" elle yells and points at me. elle tackles me onto the ground and they all jump onto me. i laugh and bring them all into a big group hug. "that's better" i laugh and kiss their heads one by one. "okay guys, let's work on your signs. 

after a few minutes someone tugs on the bottom of my shorts. i look down and see gray holding his sign up. it's just a ton of brown and peach colored squiggles from the markers we have but it's actually pretty good. "good job bud, that looks so good!" i encourage him and he jumps up and down giggling. "show mommy, but don't bump her. remember, just get her attention by saying mommy like we talked about." i order. "okay mama" he nods and walks over to elle. "mommy" he says, resisting the urge to nudge her as she leans over the huge piece of cardboard she's writing on. "what do you need gray?" she asks, setting her marker down and giving him her full attention. "look" he says, showing off his sign. "my son is an artist!" she exclaims, making him laugh once again. "good job buddy" she smiles and ruffles his hair. "don't touch my gorgeous locks" he quotes me from a while ago when i told them that if someone pulls their hair than to say that, struggling to say gorgeous but still trying his hardest. "nice" i laugh and hold my hand out for a high five, which he gives me. 

i help finn and em finish up their signs and then switch with elle, writing as many names as will fit on the cardboard. the sign is as tall as me and we still couldn't fit all the names on it. shit is fucking sad. "alright guys, are you ready to go?" i ask, looking at the time and seeing that the memorial starts in a few minutes. "yep" elle nods after cleaning everything up. "let's have a competition. who can get their shoes on the fastest" i announce. "i can! i can!" emory yells and runs to her room. the boys run to their room and i run to mine and grab elle and i's shoes. no matter how hard we all tried, gray got his on first. "it's not fair! yours.... yours are bigger so your foot can get in them easy" emory pouts. "em, what did we talk about? you congratulated your brothers no matter what. even if you're upset about it." i remind her. "fine. good job." she folds her arms against her chest and continues to pout. "if you stop pouting, i'll give you ice cream." i bribe her. "okay!" she exclaims and smiles. "after dinner" i stop her as she starts to get into her freezer. "fine" she huffs out. "drop the attitude or no ice cream" i warn her. "sorry mama." she sighs. "it's okay princess, let's get in the car." i suggest, picking her up and walking out to the garage. once i get them all in their carseats, i help elle pack up the car and we drive to the memorial. 

it's kind of dark so we were instructed to bring some sort of light source. elle bought one of those fake candles for each of us. "okay guys, let's put our signs down." i tell them. elle props the huge cardboard sign against the fence and each of the kids place theirs where they think is the best place. "good job" i whisper to them. for the most part, everything is quiet. there are a lot of people here but it's still quiet. the real and fake candles, flashlights and phone screens light up the small area and someone puts a huge picture of george floyd in the middle of the little shrine thing everyone has created. i put my fist up and see elle do the same. gray puts his little fist in the air and nudges finn and emory, making them do the same. little by little people put their fists up and eventually the entire crowd has their fists in the air. 

--------------------------------------------------------

a/n: i'm sure you're wondering why i discontinued all the stories for a little over a week so here is the explanation you've been wanting. 

i am not a person of color, yet i still want to do my part to help the people who have been struggling their entire lives.

i want to help spread awareness. 

for the past week i have been going to protests, having small protests with my family in the street in front of our house, posting petitions i've signed on my story and sharing them with everyone i can, educating myself on everything that people of color have to go through, just doing all i can. 

wattpad didn't seem like a huge priority. and it's still not, i just thought that i'd update because i assumed you missed this. i don't know if you did but still. i did write this today and yeah i skipped a lot of time but i honestly don't give a fuck. 

anyway, please do all you can. 

sign petitions

donate

go to protests (if you can't, have a small protest in your yard or something.)

educate yourself 

if you are white, use your privilege to your advantage

i am not black and i recognize my privilege is connected to your oppression.

i am not black and i commit myself to being anti-racist.

i am not black and i am redistributing my wealth toward black lives.

i am not black and i am protesting with you.

if i can do all these things with the tiny platform i have, you can too.

i encourage you to do the same.