always and forever - billie eilish

thanks for all the joy

title: thank you for the music - ABBA

billie's POV

-----------------------------------------

today is thanksgiving and we decided we'd have the entire family over at elle and i's house. so long story short we've been cleaning all day. "i feel like andy from parks and rec." i announce, using a grabber to pick stuff up. "you're doing amazing, thank you" elle yells from the other room. "i just realized i never told you this. i'm really glad you're okay billie." elizabeth tells me with a small smile. "me too." i respond. i pull her into a hug, trying to be as careful as possible because she's still partially recovering from surgery and i don't want to hurt her. 

a few hours go by and everyone starts to arrive. "okay, because the majority of us are vegan, i made burritos instead of turkey." i announce proudly. "it's not thanksgiving without the burritos" finneas jokes. "billie, we made that vegetarian turkey. we told you about that." dad announces with a laugh. "okay, i'm going to put these in the freezer and heat them up when i want them" i explain, making everyone laugh due to the amount of burritos there are. "i wanted a burrito" elizabeth frowns. "think fast" i say and throw it to her. she catches it and smiles when she sees my jaw drop. "i played softball" she shrugs.

once everything is finally set up, we all sit down and start eating. i sit between elle and finneas with claudia and elizabeth on their other sides and mom and dad in front of me. "hey um, i don't know if i have the authority to do this yet but i'd like to say some stuff if that's alright with everyone" elizabeth announces. we all nod for her to continue and she smiles a little. "i just want to thank you all for being so kind to me through such hard times. you were all there for me when i was in the hospital even though we only knew each other because after years of begging mum, elle got to go to a concert. she didn't know that over a year later she'd be marrying her. and i'm so glad she did. billie, you're like another sister to me and finneas, you're the brother i never had. patrick, you've been an amazing father figure to elle and i'm so grateful for that. god knows we need that in our lives. maggie, you've been nothing but sweet to me and claudia, you're literally one of my best friends. and i never thought i'd be this happy. i'm finally so close to my dream and it's all because of you guys. thank you so, so much." her voice breaks during her speech and once she finishes she hugs all of us. once she gets to me and i hug her tightly but carefully. "i love you so much." i whisper to her. "i love you too" she sniffles and i kiss the top of her head before she moves on. i see her and elle whispering something to each other for a moment and then them hug once again. throughout dinner i hold elle's hand and eat with my other, seeing her keep the same smile on her face the entire time. i kiss her hand and she smiles wider, pecking her lips to my cheek. "gross" elizabeth gags, once again making everyone laugh as she has the entire night. "so, i thought i'd bring this up while we're here. billie, there are so many people that want you for interviews but i can't give them an answer without your permission. i assume it's too early yes?" dad asks. "yeah i um... i want to be out of the casts before i go back to all that stuff." i answer, looking down at my plate.

i feel bad about not giving my supporters anything for such a long time. i desperately needed a break and i'm sure they noticed that. and i don't want them to see me at such a weak point in my life. not to mention that i need to figure out a cover up story for this whole situation. i need to come up with a different reason that i ended up with two broken legs and pretty much two broken arms. they don't know i lost my memory so that's one good thing. i don't feel like bringing that to the public. they'd overcomplicate shit and possibly figure everything out. god knows i don't want the people that look up to me, my best friends, to know that i tried to kill myself. that'd break them. if just hearing me talk about it in interviews makes them all bawl, i can't imagine what they would do if they were to know what i tried to do. 

i couldn't do that to them. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: this chapter is going to be the last one for a little bit. i'm sure i'll be back soon but i don't know how long it'll be. i'm sorry that i'm making you wait but i need to focus on myself right now. thank you guys so much for all your support, i love you so much.