always and forever - billie eilish

keeping all the letters

title: home - michael buble

billie's POV

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"okay. pick a number. one, two or three" elle orders. "two" i answer. "perfect. come on down lucky contestant number two, which is..... emory bea banana o'connell" elle announces in a deep, newscaster voice. she hands me emory's note and i smile. "by the way, i had to write the notes for them but they told me what they wanted it to say. i also made it so you could actually understand the notes. a lot of the stuff they said would make no sense." elle explains. "thank you" i say and kiss her forehead before unfolding it.

dear mama,

thank you for everything you do for us. i love you so much, to the moon and back actually. wait a second. to the moon and back fifteen times! that's a lot of times if you didn't know. you are the best mama in the world, besides mommy but that's different because she's not a mama she's a mommy. no, don't put that. dang it. stop writing for a second.

i stop reading and laugh, seeing elle smiling as she reads along with me. "what a weirdo" i laugh quietly. "just like her mama" elle says and boops my nose and i go back to reading.

as i was saying, you're the best mama. you make us such good food and take us to so many cool places. you're an amazing singer. you can get me to go to sleep so soon just by singing that one song. i hope when i'm older i can sing like you. i don't know what else to say really. but i love you. i hope you feel better. i could hear you crying and it was really sad. i wanted to come give you a big hug but mommy told us we should give you some space because it would make you nervous and you'd have to bottle up your feelings. i don't know what that means but it sounded scary so i decided to listen. bye mama, i love you.

love, 
                           banana 

god i love her" i whisper to myself. "me too. she's cute" elle laughs. "i'm gonna go check on the kids. here's finn and gray's letters." elle explains and hands me the notes. i choose gray's, assuming it'll be shorter and finn's will probably make me cry. lately he's had an amazing way with words. they're all so smart, though i hate to say this, but gray is a little further behind finn and emory. he'll get there though. i know he will.

dear mama,

i don't know why mommy wants me to explain everything i love about you but i guess i do it because i saw what she did when you said you didn't want to do something. she spanked you, remember? (i probably shouldn't be writing this but i thought you'd think it was funny - ellie) i don't wanna get spanked. the noise you made after made it seem like it hurt.

anyways, you do a lot for em, finn and i. that's real nice. and you cook pretty good. the thing i like most about you is when you sing to me. i think that's my favorite thing in the world. and your hugs. and mommy's hugs. i hope that when i'm bigger i can learn to play the tiny guitar you do. ukulele? is that what it's called? i think so. i hope you get happy again because i don't like hearing you cry. i tried to come give you a hug but mommy stopped me so you could be alone. i love you mama. when mommy says i can, i'm gonna squeeze you so tight.

love,
                             gray gorilla 

"adorable" i smile to myself and hug the note to my chest before placing it with emory's. i grab finn's note and unfold it, bracing myself for this kid's poetic talent. i just know he's gonna grow up and spend so much time with finneas, writing music and shit. finneas is already his favorite person. i can tell.

dear mama, 

when mommy said she wanted us to say everything we love about you so she could write it down and give you these notes, i wasn't really sure what i wanted to say. i'm still not sure but i'm gonna wing it i guess. 

thank you for everything you do to help me. you're the best mama i could ask for. i wanna keep this small so you don't have to read much, i know how much you don't like that. i love the way that you colour with emory, grayson and i. i love how you cook for us and how you comfort us when we're sad. i love how nice you are with mommy and how you show her you love her. i love when we make food and sing together. i love when you play the ukulele and the piano. i love your hugs and your calm voice. i love your loud voice and the way you wrap emory, grayson and i up in a blanket together and pick us up. i love when we ride in the car and listen to music. i love when we have dance parties together and when you kiss my forehead. i think the thing i love the most is when you sing me to sleep. that's my favorite thing in this whole world. the whole universe! 

when i see you next, whenever that is, i'm gonna give you the biggest hug. i don't like seeing you sad so i'm going to make it my job to make you as happy as possible from now on. i love you mama.

love,
                   finny

once i'm finished with all the notes i hug them all to my chest and start crying. 

god i love my family so fucking much.