always and forever - billie eilish

so this is love

title: so this is love - ilene woods

billie's POV

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"hey elle, you wanna hear a joke?" i ask. "sure" she nods and places her phone in her lap, giving me her full attention. "what do you call an amnesia patient?" i ask. "what?" she sighs a little, probably already knowing the answer. "i don't know. i don't remember. what were we talking about?" i joke, bursting into laughter and seeing her try not to laugh. "i see that smile, i see it" i smile and point at her. she rubs her temple and laughs a little before i engulf her in my arms. "your laugh is so pretty" i tell her and kiss the top of her head. "you're so pretty" she mumbles. "i'm your wife you know? you don't have to whisper shit like that to yourself." i remind her with a laugh. "i know but.... it's different now." she responds, looking down at her lap. "it shouldn't have to be different." i say, putting my hand on top of hers and using my free hand to lift her chin so she's looking in my eyes.

she looks.... broken.

i can't believe i'm doing this to her.

this is my fault.

she looks like she's about to cry.

her lip is quivering slightly and her hands are shaking.

i grab one of her hands in each of mine and look her in the eye. "we'll get through this. i promise." i assure her, kissing her forehead. she falls apart and wraps her arms around me tightly, holding me as close to her as possible. she lays her head on my shoulder and sobs into it. "i know. i know it's difficult right now, but it'll get better. i promise. i'm going to be here every step of the way, right by your side. i know i love you and i know you love me. that's all that matters. i'm doing everything i can to remember you, and i'm sure i will eventually. even if i don't, we can start over. we can make more memories. the only thing i care about is your happiness in this moment and so on. trust me. i'm not going to leave." i whisper as i rub her back.

we sit like this for i don't know how long, just holding each other as she cries onto me. her cries slow and i realize she's asleep. we're sitting in my bed right now so i slowly lay her down and lay beside her as carefully as possible. she furrows her eyebrows slightly and wraps her arm around my waist. "you're okay." i whisper and kiss her forehead.

she looks so angelic when she sleeps. she always looks angelic but right now she seems so peaceful. her cheeks are stained with tears and her lips are barely parted yet they are still pulled into a small, perfect smile. i watch as she breathes in and out, her stomach going up and down. i'm so grateful that the moment has finally come that i can just admire her fully. she's absolutely gorgeous. she has hazel green eyes and even though they're closed i can't get the image of them out of my mind. her hair is long and dark, chestnut brown. she has an adorable little button of a nose and the most beautiful lips. they glisten from the sunlight shining through the window and they look so soft. i could spend all day kissing them, even just admiring them. her face is slim, and she has a perfect jawline. i run my thumb over her jawline, tracing it gently. she's petite, yet i know she could fuck someone up if she had to. i run my hand down to her neck, running over it quickly because i don't want to hurt her. i trace as far as i can get with the tips of my fingers, admiring her the entire time. i kiss her forehead, then both of her cheeks, then her chin and pause.

so this is love

i can't wait.

not one second longer.

i softly press my lips to hers and she wakes up, immediately closing her eyes once again. she puts her hand on my jaw and deepens the kiss. i slide my hand down to her waist and pull her closer to me. she slips her tongue against my lips and i open my mouth, allowing her tongue to explore my mouth. i don't even try to fight for dominance, she gently pulls me even closer to her and starts grinding her hips against me. she quickly stops and backs away. "i'm sorry, i got too into it" she tells me, blushing of embarrassment. i smile a little and kiss her once again. once we break off the kiss and rest our foreheads against each others with wide smiles.

i'm definitely in love with her.

undoubtedly.