Fighting Gravity / A Jordan Knight FanFic ✔️

29

Molly

As Molly lumbered from backstage toward Sidney, her mind started racing with thoughts. She was really letting herself get out of control. Jordan was so fun to be around. He was kind and he made her feel like she was important. How could her life have changed so much in the last month? She was almost unrecognizable to herself. Not only had she not had her hair in a clip in over a week, but she was starting to get used to dressing up. How could she start to feel normal in a skirt? That was not who she was. This fast paced life of work and parties and music was so different for her. Back in school she had pictured working at Titans all summer. Maybe she would go to the pool to work on a tan, here or there. Maybe she'd do some summer reading, have some dinners and see some movies with Zoe.

Now she was watching Jordan try on clothes and mailing front row concert tickets and back stage passes to various radio stations. Tickets that, three months ago, she would have died to have in her hands. In a little over a month, she was going to Paris to watch Jordan from backstage. She lived in his house and fell asleep on his shoulder. How could she have changed so much? More importantly, how could she have ever allowed herself to hope so much? The Molly Porter she knew would never gush over any man. She would never parade around half naked to get a man to notice her and she would never allow herself to get emotionally tied to a man who didn't want anything but friendship from her.

When Jordan had asked her if he looked good enough for people to donate money to his charity, Molly had said she'd do just about anything for him. She was surprised at how true that statement was on so many levels. It wasn't just his incredible, smoldering looks; it was the way he looked when he didn't think anyone was watching. It was how he stared off in the distance on the hill. It was how he ran his hand through his hair as if he were releasing some kind of weight with one stroke. She hadn't analyzed anything more than whether or not Jordan had feelings for her. She found no faults with him even though she was sure she was so enamored with him that it didn't matter what he did. She hadn't had a chicken salad in forever. Was she starting to forget how good normal could be?

She felt a pain of homesickness kick in. She suddenly wanted to be sitting at the kitchen table eating pizza with her parents. It hit her that she would never be the same after this summer. Not only was she changing, but her needs were changing too. Would any other man be able to compete with Jordan Knight? How could any normal guy from school ever be enough for her now? Molly sat down mid-way back to her desk in a theater seat and rested her head on her hand.

After the summer, Jordan would continue on his tour and she would go back to school. She would be changed forever. She would probably miss him, Sidney, Max and Dave terribly, but their lives would go on. She would have been a headlight passing in the night to them while to her, they were shooting stars upon which she had made life-altering wishes. They dazzled her sky and lit up her existence.

She needed to put her feet back down on Earth. It was only her second week in Boston and she could feel herself starting to think she belonged here. That she belonged with Jordan. She was falling for him, falling hard, and she needed to stop herself now before it was too late. Before she felt something for him he would never feel in return. Before she allowed her heart to be his and before he returned it like an unwanted Christmas present. He only thought of her as a friend. She was taking his kindness and friendship and twisting it in her mind into more than it was. She could feel that she was standing on the threshold of a cliff with her toes over the edge. One more nudge and she would fall and hit the ground hard. She needed to take a step back away from the cliff. She needed to think with her head at all times. She needed to stop allowing herself to feel things that were so one-sided. She needed to stop feeling more. More was bad. More could and probably would be the end of her. How could she not see what was right in front of her face? Where was the Molly that could read people? How could she be so wrong about Jordan? How could she allow herself to believe that she might have a chance to be with him? She was a fool.