We Align

Bonus: Telling the truth

A/n: ⚠️ this chapter may be triggering (Self harm, sexual assault, depression, other mental illnesses) to some read at your own risk.

Telling the truth

I'm like in my late thirties.

I'm getting older.

My parents are also getting older.

Jayden has been trying to get me to tell my parents about certain experiences in my life since I was 10.

Our kids have been staying at my parent's place for a bit because he wanted me to be serious about this.

So before we go pick them up, Jayden sits me down.

He grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes.

"Mads, they need to know. You told me if they are gone and you don't tell them, you'll feel bad."

"Jay, they'll be so angry-"

"No, they won't. They love you so much. If anything, they'll be angry with me. But I know you love me, and they can see that I love you so much. Please, I don't want you to have any regrets. You love your parents, Mads."

I take a breath. I've avoided this for so long. I wanted to say something and never did because I was scared. I put it off for so long. I don't feel like they need to know.

But it's time.

"Okay. Let's go."

I stay silent while Jayden drives. I stare out the window, trying to figure out what to say.

In no time, we make it.

I walk into the house.

My mom is sitting watching tv.

For as long as I remember she's never gone to bed early.

"Hey, momma."

"Hey."

"Um is daddy awake?" I ask her. Yes, I still call my parents mommy and daddy. It's not gonna change anytime soon.

She tells me he's on his computer. The kids are asleep.

I call my dad downstairs.

We all take a seat in the living room.

I choose to sit on the carpet in front of them.

"Madison, is everything okay?" They ask, and I can feel myself shaking.

Jayden holds my hand, reminding me that he's right here.

"I-I've been keeping a couple of things from you. I'm sorry, in advanced. I was just so scared of how you'd react." I'm trying so hard to keep it together.

They are all ears.

"Mads, I can leave if you wa-"

"No. I don't want you to." I look at Jayden, and he is keeping me composed.

"Okay, I think you should start about us." He says. And I know he's only saying that to buy me time. Time to think, and time for them to process.

I nod slowly.

I choke on my words, "From a very young age, I was so unhappy. I hated being... alive. I was so deep into it. I wanted to die, and I felt absolutely horrible about it. I just wanted everything to stop. The days it was really bad, I-I wrote notes. I made recordings. I sat on the roof just waiting. But I stayed because I was scared. I was so scared. I felt like I couldn't go to anyone, I prayed and it made me feel worse like I couldn't even go to God. I lacked purpose. I felt like I was disappointing God and-and my faith dwindled. That's why I used to stay away from the church. I needed to stand back because I disliked feeling lukewarm, it was either I'm for God or away. All that time let me grow, and nothing can destroy my faith again. Jayden was there at almost every moment. He made me feel so much better... and worse all at the same time."