Hey, I'm Madison Aden, looks like you found my journal from when I was a kid. Everything in there helped me become who am today, with the contribution of my best friend Jayden Morgan, who was able to let me see life from a new light.
Hear our backs...
I can't look at myself anymore. I don't recognize the person who stares back at me.
There is something wrong because I know that this isn't me.
I am losing.
I am losing myself.
I am losing my grades.
I am losing my faith.
I am losing my relationships.
I am losing my will.
I am losing my purpose.
What am I if I have no purpose?
Why can't I go back to being that girl who loves climbing trees? That kid was always cheerful. What am I now? Not even a sixteenth of that person.
I took to my journal to write. My journal was often difficult for me to write in. I have to calm down. I simply couldn't.
I have been making some instrumentals in my free time. Instead of writing in my journal, I get out my songbook.
My songbook is like another journal to me. Though, if anyone were to read my songbook it would be easier to explain than if someone were to read my journal. Where everything in there is 100% true I can't fib around it like I can with my songs.
I already have a name in mind for this song: the oak tree.
When I go back
Back to that tree
I know who I want to be
But right now, This isn't me
I wanna be the girl in the tree
Where's the girl
Who had the passion for sports
And it made her feel of so green
But I sit here
And ask myself
Who am I because this isn't me
Who I am is who I choose to be
And I choose to be me
Me
Who will climb that tree
Me
Who will fight for my dream
Me
Who smiles with glee
Oh me
Who sings so bright fully
So here
As I write
I feel so free
There's no one
Here to judge
No one but me
Who I am
Is who I believe
And who I will be
Is who I'm waiting to see
So for now
I'll be the girl in the tree
...
The title is a bit misleading huh? I guess the new title should be: The oak tree (the girl in the tree)
Yep, that's much better.
I don't think I have ever written about myself in such a positive light.
I do have other songs, yet I feel fake in those. Especially in my short called: head held high
Holding up the flood from tear dripping town
The work the sweat and blood so you wouldn't drown
Keep your head held high
Don't look down
Before you know it
Your feet are off the ground
No one ever told you it would be so hard
You are the light so get your head out of the dark
Don't be afraid when I'm that you're a shining star
All you gotta do is believe it in your heart
...
Ugh. So tacky. So fake. So lame.
I was probably in a sad mood writing that song. I can't stand it.
I can't stand the fact that I'm drifting from myself. I'm drifting from the people who can help me get on the right path again. I am drowning myself in my head that my persona is now automatic.
I give automatic answers.
How are you...good.
Do you need help with anything? No.
Are you truly happy Madison? Of course, why would you even think otherwise?
No one pushes the answers out of me. So I drown. My smile is convincing, sinking me further into despair.
I'm losing.
And I don't know what to do.
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