When Love Gets in the Way

Chapter Forty-five

James

Luca's been different recently. He doesn't answer my messages straight away like before and he doesn't want to meet up as much.

I hate to say it, but I'm actually glad that we're not meeting up as much.

Well, of course I'm not glad since I love spending time with him. It's just that, Darren Western got the picture of us because he saw us out together. We weren't being careful and I almost paid the price for that.

I'm starting to worry that Rosa showed Luca the video of everything I said. I wish that I could take all of that back but I am also thankful that everyone believed it.

My phone buzzes with a message, snapping me from my daydream.

Can ya meet me at park

I sigh as I read the message. I really want to see Luca but I can't let anyone see us together. If we're seen together then people will start to think that I lied and I'll be right back at square one.

No, sorry. I have a lot of topics to revise tonight.

Ok
Have fun

I frown at the messages. Every message he sends lacks his normal enthusiasm. I feel like I should meet up with him to make sure he's okay but I just can't risk it. I have to think of myself right now and just focus on getting through secondary school and passing all of my GCSE's.

Luca has his friends so I shouldn't worry. They'll pick him up if he falls so right now I should focus on me.

_________________________________________

I've stopped replying to Luca's messages. I didn't want to but it became too hard to lie.

I sigh as I read over all of the messages he's sent me over the past couple of days.

Do ya want to try skateboarding again
Have fun at school
Morning
Nigh
James
Hi
Hey
Sorry ya probably busy
Do ya know anywhere that needs workers
Wow gcse crap must be takin ya time
Text me when ya can
James

I feel his pain within each message and I can't keep ignoring him. This is the sort of thing Brandon would probably do to him and I told him that I wasn't like that.

I'm sorry Luca but I've been extreamly busy with revision for my exams. I know that I have many months before the exams but I just want to be ready.

I send the message and wait for the reply but it donest come instantly like his messages always did.

Its chill
I understand
Well I don't but ya know

He seems so down yet there's nothing I can do about it. I guess I just have to rely on the others to help him.

_________________________________________

Schools been different lately. Other then all of the stress and cramed learning everyone's doing that is.

My social life has changed dramatically. Becky has stopped talking to me and that hurts. I know that I probably deserve it but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I've become more populare though after the so called dare that I made up. A lot of people want to hang out with me now. Well, I was pretty populare before but now everyone seems happier with me. I guess before they only saw me as the social awkward person who scored the highest marks on his tests. Now, I'm still social awkward but they don't seem to see that as much.

I feel guilty for becoming more popular at Luca's expense but what can I do about it? If I go back on my word and come out to everyone that Luca and I are dating then everything could fall down.

Everything will get better though and maybe I can come out when I start college. I've heard many stories about college having more of a diverse range of students so maybe then I won't be the only boy to like boys? Maybe then I can come out and feel safe and happy about it?

_________________________________________

I keep checking my phone but I don't know what I expect. I haven't answered Luca's last couple of messages so he's not going to text me now. If I want to talk to him then I should text him but I just don't know what to say.

I feel as though Luca and I are growing apart and I really don't want that to happen. I want to be with him but we just can't be seen together. I would invite him around for dinner but my parents made it perfectly clear about what they think of him that time he brought me home. They definitely wouldn't want him here.

I feel like asking if we can go to his house to chat but I'm too scared to. It's rude to try and invite myself to his house.

I know that we need to talk. He's not dumb so he probably knows that I'm avoiding him. I can't let him believe that I'm like Brandon though. I have to explain the situation. I know he'll understand.

Luca always understands.