As I stood in front of his open casket, I couldn't help but chuckle sadly as my finger traced over his face.
Even if he wasn't technically in there... he still looked beautiful.
"My beautiful boy. I didn't deserve you..."
I had been ignoring the free-falling tears for about a week, figuring that without Nate there to wipe them away, they'd never stop.
I kissed my fingertips before pressing them against his lips and I shuddered at how cold he was.
My Nate was truly gone.
The funeral service had ended a few minutes ago but I wasn't physically prepared to be one of the people in the procession saying their goodbyes, so Uncle Karl and Aunt Trish pushed back the burial portion of the service, allowing me to say my goodbye's while we were still at the church.
I sniffled a bit, looking down at Nate's lifeless body, still in disbelief that this wasn't a joke; he wasn't just gonna pop up and tell me this was all a nightmare.
It was a nightmare... just one I couldn't wake up from.
"So, I uhh... I've been feeling weird the past few days, and Gia made me take this..."
I pulled the pregnancy test from out of my purse and as I looked down at the 'positive' sign I broke down a little.
My heart broke knowing Nate would never get to see his child, that our baby would never know their father.
I tucked the stick into the chest pocket on his suit jacket before leaning down to place a final kiss on his lips.
"I love you... always."
✨
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"Well, he was an absolute joy today, as usual. And I know you're gonna keep practicing your numbers, right?"
"Yes, Ms. Dooley! Bye-bye!"
"Bye Nate... and happy birthday!"
"Thank you! Come on, Mommy! We gotta get ready for my party!"
I smiled down at my grinning baby boy, still in awe of the way his blue eyes shined.
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