Jaylor One Shots

The Façade

She sits with her back pressed against their bedroom wall, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her life feels like it's in shambles - to the outside world it probably looks like she's the happiest she's ever been but god, if that isn't the furthest from the truth. Tonight had been the finally straw in some ways, everything had caught up to her when she'd gotten home so she'd sat here ever since. Just waiting for things to get better - because she's so tired of fighting. She's tired of all of this. Tired of waiting for the next day to bring a slew of bad news. First it had been her mother with a cancer relapse - a pretty serious one that had brought up a million questions and re-writing of wills. Then her old music had been sold without her knowledge and god that had hurt. Then every day something small went wrong and it's just been building up. Not to mention she's afraid of turning thirty - of what will happen to her career and what the public will do to her again but she can't stop time. And through all of that, she's been getting into the occasional explosive argument with Joe - the love of her whole life. She doesn't know how to calm down when she gets riled up and she knows she quite often blows things out of proportion and it terrifies her that he's going to get sick of it and leave. So yeah, it feels as though her entire world is crumbling. 

The more she thinks, the more she just can't stop crying but suddenly she hears footsteps on the stairs. He's home early. She'd wanted to be finished with this breakdown before her got home, doesn't want to talk about it. As much as she wants to brush her tears away and fake a smile in the next few seconds, she's rooted to the spot - her knees pressed firmly to her chest. Sure enough, a few moments later the door swings over and she's faced with her love. 

"Taylor?" He sounds surprised, coming closer to her and letting his knees hit the floor. "Hey, what's wrong love?" He asks gently as he pulls her into his arms. She holds onto his shirt, unable to stop crying. 

"Everything." She hiccups, burying her face into his shoulder. It's all too much and she's had enough. She can't deal with it anymore, so she lets him hold her - allows herself to break down further in his arms. Her tears are no longer just gently sliding down her face, she's sobbing into his chest and lightly trembling. She feels trapped, as though everything around her is falling apart so methodically and there's absolutely nothing she can do about it. And it's killing her - she hates not having that control, hates feeling like this. 

It takes her quite a while to calm down, usually Joe's able to calm her down in a matter of minutes but clearly this breakdown has been a while in the making. It's exhausting trying to shove away all the bad stuff and put on such a happy face for the world to see and marvel over. She doesn't even think she's let Joe see how deep this has all run - sure he knows about a lot of it but she's always brushed it off as though she hasn't been as affected by it as she is. As he tears subside, she's more aware of his hand rubbing her back and how tightly he's holding her. She lets out a shaky sigh before winding her arms around his waist. She feels his lips press against her head as he rests his hand just below the back of her neck, his other arm pulling her closer. It's the proximity she needs now, to know that he's still here and she can count on him - despite everything else that's going on. 

"I love you." He whispers gently into her ear, his thumb gently caressing her skin. Tears well in her eyes again so she closes them - not wanting to start bawling. She just grips him a little tighter, hoping it conveys some response of love. They've loved each other for over two years now and it's been so wonderful - it's in moments like this, where he really seems to understand her and what she needs that just make her realise how lucky she is to have him and how well they work together. 

It takes her a little longer before she's able to lift her head up to look at him. Her eyes feel puffy and she knows she's got mascara stains all down her cheeks. She must look like a hot mess and it's a little embarrassing that this is what he'd come home to. But evidently, Joe doesn't care. He reaches up with one hand to caress her cheek, gently wiping away all her fresh tears with a look of gentle concern. He gives her a soft smile before carefully kissing her cheek. 

"M'sorry." Taylor mumbles, looking down - unable to stand the concern in his eyes any longer. She feels him tuck her hair behind her ear, his other arm still firmly around her.

"There's nothing to be sorry for love." He says it so gently and honestly that she almost believes him. 

"I didn't mean for you to see me like this - I'm sorry." She repeats, unable to process that this is okay.

"I've seen you like this before, and I'm sure I'll see it again. I don't mind Taylor, you're allowed to be vulnerable, you're allowed to break down and I sure as hell don't mind that I get to help you collect the pieces. That's what we do in relationships, we help one another. You help me when I'm not feeling great." He gently lifts her chin so she's looking into his eyes again. "And I know you're never thinking horrible things about me that I know you're thinking about yourself right now. You've got to give yourself some room to not feel great, allow yourself the time to break down and don't hide it away from me - let me be here for you." More tears are spilling down her cheeks now, but he quickly wipes them away. "If you need alone time, that's okay too. But I'm always here to hold you when you need it, even if you don't want to talk."  He seems to have finished his speech and she feels like her heart might burst. She wants to tell him everything now but she's struggling to find the words, so she lets a silence fall over them for a little while as she tries to figure it out. 

"Everything's falling apart." Her voice cracks, Joe rubs her back in an attempt to soothe her. "You know about what's going on, obviously. But it's fucked me up and I don't know why I didn't tell you. I don't know why I insist on proving to the world that I'm happy and I think doing that is killing me." She finishes at a whisper before clearing her throat to continue. "I can't stop time and I wish I could but god I don't want to be thirty, I don't want my mom to die and I just can't keep going like this." She buries her head back into his chest - unable to deal with any of this anymore. 

"Oh love." His arms envelop her now. 

"And I know I blow things up with us sometimes and I know that puts a strain on both of us and I'm trying to control it because I don't want to mess this up. I'm trying to control a lot of things but everything seems to be slipping from my grasp." She holds onto him a bit tighter, needing him right now. 

"Well first of all, you're not screwing things up with us. I'd take a hundred fights with you and still stay because I love you. Because of all the good stuff we have, we're a perfect fit Taylor - fights and all so I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She breathes a sigh of relief hearing him say that, nodding into his chest. "And all the other stuff...I could never imagine how hard it all is for you, and there's really not much I can do or say to make it better. But I'm here for you through all of it and we can get through it together if you'll let me. We can go take a holiday, give you a break from putting on a happy face for the world to see. Whatever you want, I'll do it." He finishes with a kiss to the top of her head. 

"Thank you." She mumbles before looking up at him again. "I love you." She tilts her head up to kiss him softly, enjoying their lips connecting. 

"I love you too." He murmurs, kissing her again. Taylor throws her arms around his neck, holding him close. "I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment." He says softly, his words are so simple but they mean a lot to her. 

"It's alright, I'll get over it eventually." 

"You don't have to rush yourself. Why don't we order in tonight? We can watch that movie you've  been begging me to watch for weeks now. Maybe the cats will even make an appearance! I think you need to unwind for a few days. And I understand you've got work commitments, I'd never try and get in the way of that. So in the evenings when we come home, we'll do something relaxing - take a bath or watch some cheesy movie that you like. You don't have to pretend to be happy here, we can just be and you can focus on yourself." He sounds so sincere and she leans back a little to look at him again.

"Yeah?" She's emotional tonight, tears are back in her eyes. 

"Yeah. We'll get you through this love." He murmurs softly, gently kissing the tip of her nose and then moving to her lips. 

"Thank you." She says with her whole heart. She can honestly say he's the best decision she ever made, has no idea what she'd do without him. He's who she comes home to at the end of the long day, whether she's grouchy or excited - he's there and puts a smile on her face. She loves their days alone together, their little vacations. And she loves having him in moments like these, where one of them is a little down and the other does anything they can to help. They've each been through a painful patch a few times over the past couple of years and every single time they're so grateful to have one another.