Jaylor One Shots

This Is Me Trying

Taylor sits down on her couch and sighs, resting her head in her hands. Joe had just gone back to his place, but neither of them were feeling happy with the way the situation this evening had gone down. They hadn't fought...not really. They'd just been having a conversation about their relationship and where they wanted it to lead. Taylor had been struggling to put into words her thoughts on the future because it genuinely scares her. She knows she cares about Joe and she knows she wants him in her future. But those thoughts and feelings are all surrounded by fear thanks to her past and with everything going on in her crazy life outside their secret relationship. Taylor's trying so hard to push all of that behind her and move forward with Joe, tell him how she feels and what she wants for the future. She wants nothing more than that and she wishes she'd been able to tell him. Taylor saw the flash of disappointment and hurt on Joe's face when he'd asked her what she wanted and she hadn't been able to formulate a response, or even tell him how she feels about him when he'd spent the night gushing over their future, together. 

Their night together had ended fairly abruptly after that, Joe had left and they'd just shared a light peck on the lips before he drove home. Taylor groans, laying back on the couch wishing that she could be normal, that she hadn't been given so many reasons to fear the future and not fully trust that anyone would be around long enough that they'd be a part of her future. Olivia jumps up onto the couch, laying down on Taylor's stomach. She absentmindedly pats the cat as her thoughts surrounding Joe swirl around in her mind. She draws the conclusion that the last thing she wants is for Joe to be feeling like she doesn't care. She isn't just going to leave this be for the night. Taylor jumps up, her cat scurries off, annoyed it had been disturbed but that's the last thing Taylor is concerned about right now. She grabs her keys, quickly puts on her shoes and a coat before hurrying out the door and into her car. The whole drive over to Joe's, the only thing running through her mind is what to say to him. She still isn't quite sure but she knows she's going to be honest, and probably explain her silence before.

Taylor parks on the street and she sits in her car for a moment, just staring at Joe's house. She know's his family went away for the week so it's just him in there. She takes a deep breath before  stepping out of the car and walking up to the door. She's thankful that they're in London, and that it's dark so there was a slim chance anyone would recognise her here. Taylor begins getting nervous, maybe she should've called first? It's too late now. She sucks in another deep breath before knocking on his door. It only takes about a minute before the door swings open and she sees Joe. He seems shocked to see her here which is fair enough considering the fact that she usually refuses to leave her house these days.

"Taylor?" He rubs his eyes and looks at her confused.

"Hi. Um, I just wanted to say sorry for earlier. I didn't want either of us to go to sleep with that just kind of hanging in our minds. I just want to explain." Joe leans on his doorframe and nods, allowing her to continue.

"I...uh...I know that I want a future with you and um...I care about you...a lot. I just...when you asked me what I wanted for our future, like kids or whatever, my fears about the future kind of took over. Like, I've never been able to see anyone going the distance, and because it never did I just shut out any hope of there ever being a person in my life that I could share a future with." Taylor looks down at her hands before continuing,

"So I guess my fears kind of controlled my mind when you asked me about it because it's so hard for me to articulate what I want my future to look like, particularly with someone who I want to be in it. It doesn't really matter at this point how many times you tell me you're not leaving, because rationally I do know that. I know you care about me. It's just when I begin to zoom out and look at the future, I can't help my fears getting in the way but I'm trying. This probably isn't making a whole lot of sense to you but I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to let you in, to remove the anxieties I have around this whole situation. This is me trying to make it work and I didn't want to leave you with the impression that I don't care, or that I haven't thought about it, because I have. I think about our future every day and it scares me." Finally, Taylor looks nervously back up at him. It seems that now he's the one without anything to say. They both just stand there in silence for a few minutes, the cool London winds wrapping around the both of them, the only light emanating  is from inside his house. Taylor's heart is pounding in her chest, waiting for his response.

Finally, Joe takes a step towards her, engulfing her in his arms. Taylor breathes a sigh of relief, wrapping her own arms around his body, resting her head on his chest. He doesn't even need to say anything now, she knows he gets it. She knows he understands where she's coming from and that he's not going to run away because of it. The two of them stand in his doorway, holding the other close.

"God I love you Taylor." He murmurs quietly. Taylor freezes for a moment, her heart beating in her chest. Thoughts race through her mind until she settles on the conclusion that she loves him too, she just hadn't realised how hard she'd fallen for him until he'd said those words.

"I love you too." She says softly. Taylor feels his arms tighten around her body for a moment before he leans back slightly so they can look at each other. She can see the love in his eyes and she's hoping that he can see it in hers too.

"Do you want to come inside?" Taylor smiles and nods, allowing him to grab her hand and lead her into his home. She takes off her coat and boots, leaving them by the door before following Joe into his living room.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Taylor shakes her head and smiles at him. They sit down on the couch and Joe pulls Taylor into his arms before flicking on the TV to some random channel that neither of them are paying any attention to. 

"Thank you for coming here tonight. You didn't have to, I do know that you have some struggles with certain aspects of a relationship and more than anything I'm willing to work through those with you, no matter how long it takes. I guess I was just shocked in the moment that maybe you didn't see a future with me. But when I came home and took a shower, I came to my senses and figured it out. I was going to call you but I'm so glad you came here." Joe's arms tighten around her and she smiles, snuggling into him. 

"Thanks, I really am so happy with you and I really do want a future with you. I'm working on my insecurities. I didn't want either of us to go to bed upset or hurt and tonight I figured out that I do love you so it seems like a pretty big win to me." She feels Joe press a kiss on the top of her head which makes her heart feel warm. 

"Yeah, me too babe." He murmurs. Silence envelopes them again and Taylor feels herself drifting off to sleep. She tries to fight it, unsure of whether Joe was okay with her staying the night but she feels Joe running his fingers through her hair and gently scratching her head, something he does to help her sleep so she eventually succumbs to the sleep. As her eyes grow heavier and heavier, she falls asleep, smiling at the fact that Joe loves her, and that she loves him too. She's pretty sure she's met the one for her.