Jaylor One Shots

It's Been a Long Six Months

She sits on her couch, carefully takes a mouthful of wine. It's the first album release she's ever been alone for. But she wants it this way. She doesn't feel like celebrating this one, in fact, it had taken an awful amount of convincing to even release the album. She knows she's never written a more soul-crushing album. The world is going to eat this one up, as they usually do when she releases depressing music. She doesn't even really remember writing the album, but suddenly she'd had twenty songs written - four she'd had to keep to herself, she couldn't handle those ones being out there. So sixteen tracks. For him. For the man she'd spent seven years with before it had all fallen apart six months ago. She looks around the room and laughs, this has got to be the most pathetic way to spend the evening when something major has just happened for her. Sitting alone, surrounded by cats, wine and curled up under a blanket in pyjamas. 

The clock hits midnight and she knows it's out. She just sighs, closing her eyes as tears begin falling down her cheeks. She can't even listen to the album without bursting into tears, she has no clue how she'll ever even fathom playing any of it live. But it's out there. Harrowing. She hopes that someone will feel understood after listening to it, she hopes people love it - but she truly doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to see posts about it, she doesn't want to watch their reactions, and most of all she doesn't want to hear anyone's praise. She just can't handle the heart-wrenching sadness of it all. Maybe one day, she'll be able to deal with it all - just like she'd come to love playing All Too Well, but this truly hurts more than that ever did. Worst of all, she still misses him. She misses what they were. She misses their life together. It's been six months and yet she really feels like nothing has healed over at all. No progress has been made. It all just feels like a huge mistake. The world never discovered it had ended, but the cats out of the bag now. She figures telling the world in her own way, like this, is better than some tabloid dramatising what happened - taking guesses about what she must have done wrong. Because of course, it could only be her fault. 

Taylor feels Benjamin licking her face, so she opens her eyes - a small smile forming as she sees her giant fluffy cat looking down at her. She can't stop herself from wondering whether or not he misses their cat - after all, they'd adopted him together. It's almost sickening now how entwined their lives were, everything has been tainted by him - she used to love that more than anything, but now it's just painful. Walking into her house is painful, seeing her cats is painful, playing the piano is painful - it's all just so so sad. 

Finally, after half an hour of just mulling it all over in her mind - she picks up her phone. Jack had messaged her, a few of her friends, and her parents. All congratulating her for the album and its initial success. Honestly she'd toss aside all the success for him. For Joe. She'd still do anything for him. Sure, they'd had a hard year before it ended, but she really thought it would've made them stronger in the long run. But it didn't. They'd fallen apart much quicker than they'd been working to save it. In the space of a year Joe had lost his dad, they'd lost a baby, and they'd just stopped being a team. They were both so consumed with grief about it all and they hadn't leant on one another, they stopped communicating, started lashing out. Then suddenly they were having more bad times with one another than good times. Even when they decided to make the split, they both knew they still loved one another - but it had turned into something toxic, they both felt it was too late. But she remembers how tightly they'd held one another before he'd left with a suitcase.  She feels so stupid now. If she'd just tried a little bit harder she wouldn't be sitting here like this, alone and in pain. She'd have him, and that would be worth more than anything. 

She decides she can't take just sitting anymore, she's worked herself into an overly frustrated state so she stands up and paces through her absurdly large New York apartment. It's stupid to have this much space for one person. It feels empty and lonely now. She used to crave some alone time here before him. But now...she just feels awful. She hates being here. She hates all of this. But before she can think too far and do something stupid, her phone rings. Which is weird considering she'd silenced it. Then her heart drops. It could only be one person. The only person who's calls can break through is Joe. She'd never changed her settings. With shaking hands she picks her phone up off the table, hesitating for a moment before accepting the call and holding her phone to her ear. There's silence for a moment, and she wonders if he'd called by mistake.