The Princess & The Queen

Chapter 28

Charlie's P.O.V.

"I don't know where to start" I admit, realizing I may not be ready for this conversation. What do I even say? "That's okay Charlie, take your time, we have forever" Oli rubs my back, while he patiently waits for me to process my thoughts. Here it goes I guess, "I've never really been one to be open about things, probably since I stopped feeling anything long ago. Like I mentioned earlier, I haven't cried since I was four. I think the night Ava and I were given our diagnosis, is the night that it finally clicked. I wasn't going to live a normal life, ever. If we survived the shift, and left pack lands, it still wouldn't matter. We'd be freaks wherever we went. Another pack surely wouldn't take us in, and the human world would look at us weird too. I would never get to experience the world by myself, and Ava wouldn't either. Something in me clicked when that realization hit, and I don't think I've been happy since. Ava's mind was always full of what I call sunshine and rainbows, she sees the good in everything, hopes for the best in every situation, and I love her for that, but I envy her. My mind has been a sea of grey for as long as I can remember. Rain clouds and a heaviness filled my mind. While Ava happily dragged us out of the orphanage to run in the woods, or go to another orphans birthday, I would silently wish for the day that she'd want to spend it in bed. I never got my wish. I gave up on the chance of having a mate sometime around ten probably. Ava would always gush about the blessing of a mate and how lucky would we be if we got one let alone one for each of us. I eventually stopped caring about if the Moon Goddess blessed me with one, because it would be a terrible fate to be mated to me. The freak conjoined twin who might not survive the shift, and would never be able to see their face through her own eyes, but through the eyes of her sister. I'll never get to see you how I would see you. I only get to see you as Ava sees you. The freak who lives in a world of humbug and darkness, and who never expects anything from anyone so that she can never be disappointed when things inevitably don't work out." I can feel wetness on my face, which I can only assume are tears, have I really been numb that long that I can't tell when I am sad? Oli stopped wiping my tears away a while ago, probably assuming I just need to let them fall to understand my emotions.

"But then that brings me to you, to us. Oli you know that when I first met you, I wasn't the nicest, and I let my candor speak for me. I couldn't believe that my nightmare was coming true, that the Moon Goddess had forced you and Liam to suffer a fate worse than death by pairing you with Ava and I. To have the happiest moment in your lives possibly ripped from you in a short three months time. I spent that entire ceremony cursing the Moon Goddess for putting you two in that position. For putting Ava and I in a position to have to reject you to protect you. Because at least the rejection was something you could live through, even if it stung like hell. But Ava refused to let me reject either of you, and believe me when I say I will be owing my sister for that for a lifetime. When I found out you were the one who I was probably mated too, I didn't talk to you. Because in that moment my heart felt like it was shattering and I couldn't look at you. This cute goofball of a man, who looks like his head is full of rainbows and sunshine just like my sister, was going to have to deal with me being gloomy and doomy, and probably get frustrated with me for not being rainbows and sunshine.  But a day or so later, when we were all making those stupid pizza burgers, something clicked. I felt a tug on my heart that I don't ever remember feeling before, and that night I felt at home. I felt safe and like I had a family, and I believe I started to feel something for you too Oli. Because after that night, I wanted to be around you, to hear you laugh, to be able to see you smile through the link, to watch those crystal blue eyes of yours light up. I eagerly waited for the moment when you would reach out and take my hand, so I would feel comfort. And I knew that I wanted you by my side after surgery because I wouldn't be able to see the world through Ava anymore and I was scared. I knew that if you were there, and I could feel you and hear you, that I wouldn't be scared, that everything would be okay. And now, sitting here, telling you all of this, curled up perfectly in your lap, I feel safe. I feel like I'm home." I let out a sigh, getting out everything I could think of to say, to let Oli understand where I am coming from going into this. That it's going to be a while for me to get used to it, but I am in it for real, I want this, and I want him. He lets me get it all out, no interruptions, and when I am finally done, when I have finally taken a breath, he wipes the tears from my face. He gently takes my chin and lifts it up so that I would be looking at him if I had any sight. His thumb traces my jaw from my cheek down to my chin, then he hold my cheek in his palm. I lean into it, embracing the softness of his love. Then his other hand is cupping my other cheek, and I feel him lean in. I don't move, don't make a sound, and his lips gently press down on mine, and I have my first ever kiss.

It doesn't last long, and it doesn't need too. Those few lingering seconds, where our lips are pressed together are enough to give my stomach this weird flip flopping feeling, and my head spins, and when he releases my lips, a smile forms on my face, and a small "huh" laugh leaves my mouth. He runs his right hand through my hair, before stopping at the base of my neck, gently holding it in his hand. His left hand, has run down my arm and has seized my hand in his. Lifting our hands up, he places them on his heart, then he leans in to whisper in my ear, "you will always have a safe place to land with me. As long as this heart beats, it beats for only you, my sweet mate, my Charlie."