"The line between what brings us pain and what sustains us is thinner than you'd imagine."
- Klaus Mikaelson
Song: Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz
"I'm only gonna break break ya, break break ya heart."
************
Bucky stayed away from apartment 102 for days. He couldn't face her, not after the way he left her. He couldn't face her knowing things were going to end badly for all three of them. He couldn't face her, because he could barely face himself. Every time he thought about seeing her, his mind would warn him otherwise.
He continued to think about everything that happened to him because of HYDRA. He continued to think about all of the things he did because of HYDRA. He continued to think about everyone he hurt, killed, or forgotten about because of HYDRA. He continued to think about Steve—his childhood best friend—and how much he hurt him by forgetting about him, attacking him, and running away from him.
His mind raced for hours upon hours on end. He couldn't stop thinking about her, Harlow, and of course little Jodie. He knew if anything happened to him, the girls would be devastated. The problem was, if anything happened to the girls—especially because of him—he would never forgive himself.
Harlow was a sweet girl, and one of the kindest hearts he had ever met. Jodie was one of the smartest children he had ever met in his entire life, and he was sure he'd never meet another child like her. She was kind like her mother, and wise beyond her years, but she still had a childlike innocence to her, as well as the childlike wonder to many things that she didn't quite know about yet.
The night Jodie had her nightmare, Bucky had to stop himself from running over to check on her. He came to really care for the little girl, so to hear such fear in her screams made his blood run cold. He swore to never grow attached to anyone or anything while on the run, but he couldn't help himself. He was becoming attached to Jodie and Harlow. It was almost as if they were his family, and it pained him to even consider leaving them behind.
What if someone already knows about them? His mind wondered, but he had to try and keep himself from being terrified out of his mind. The idea of HYDRA knowing about the girls by now scared the hell out of him. He knew if they knew about them, it was his fault, no matter how little blame he really had in it. It wasn't like he purposely told HYDRA, so if they knew, they found out on their own.
Looking out of the window at the night sky, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be as free as the animals outside. He wanted to feel that free, but he was never given the chance, not after everything that happened to him. He still would never get that chance, not after everything he'd been through and had done. His life was hectic, even though it seemed calm for now, and he knew it would never last.
Turning on his radio, he put on an oldies station, which sometimes played songs he swore he remembered hearing. Some of them were from when he was on missions and heard them in people's houses, other times, he swore they were from when he was younger. The song, My Girl, by the Temptations was playing through the radio, and he really liked it.
The problem was, for some reason, the song made him think of Harlow and Jodie. Both of them were for different reasons. Harlow was because he felt like she was supposed to be someone for him. She was supposed to be the girl that made him happy, his girl, but he couldn't seem to get out of his own mind to allow it to happen. Jodie was because she was like a daughter to him. He really cared for her, he may have even loved her, but he could never be sure. If he was honest, he was forcing himself to stay away from them to keep them safe, all because he was too afraid of himself and of HYDRA.
As his mind was calming down, and he was slowly falling asleep, he looked up at the dreamcatcher Harlow had given to him. The dreamcatcher made his mind think about her and Jodie. He liked thinking about them, especially when he couldn't sleep, or his mind wouldn't let him rest. They helped him calm down, and even though he wasn't able to agree with himself on what he should do with Harlow and Jodie, he still continued to think of them. They were his light in the dark and cruel world he lived in.
Letting his eyes close, his mind began to show him pictures—visions—of Harlow and Jodie. He could see their smiles, hear their laughs, and it made him feel less anxious. When his mind began to put him into the picture, and he watched himself hug them, and enjoy simply relaxing with them, he couldn't feel less calm. In that moment, before he had completely fallen asleep, he decided he would finally speak to Harlow. The woman deserved answers, she deserved the truth, and he was going to give it to her.
One way or another, he would see them again. They were going to be his happiness, even if it only lasted a day. He would cherish every moment he had with them, as long as nothing came around to ruin it. He hoped for their sake that the Winter Soldier never came out to play. If he did, Bucky knew the could be hurt, or worse, they could be killed. He really cared for them, and he couldn't hurt them. He wouldn't allow himself to hurt them, but he couldn't be away from them, not any longer...
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Apartment 102 (B. Barnes) (AU)
Fanfiction*The story has been edited and revised* Bucky Barnes had finally ran away from HYDRA, but he was in hiding. He was too worried, and a bit scared, to go to his childhood friend, Steve Rogers, so he tried to hide from the blonde as well. Bucky had jum...
