Refraction.

The Follies of Youth.

There was a time when I wanted romance -
If only I could blame it upon the follies of youth,
But I am still young.
My desire to hold, to be held,
Was once overwhelming, and yet I seem
To have had my fill.
When he tries to hold me at night,
I find myself moving away...
I find myself wanting nothing more than to return
To my solitude,
Where I am simply myself.
I suppose, in years gone by, there were things
That I felt I had to do;
Things that were just a part of being young
That most adults recalled fondly -
Boozy parties, making love for the first time,
Spending all night
Dancing with somebody, somewhere,
Far too out of your head to really care.
I did those things a handful of times:
Tried a cigarette, drank spirits straight,
Thinking it was simply what I should do.
I learn more about myself as days go by,
And I have learned that I didn't want
Romance, not really, nor did I want
To hold somebody, be held by somebody.
I just wanted to fit in.
I had beautiful friends who liked to dance,
Who liked romance, who liked parties
And giggling when they drank their
Vodka straight.
As ever, I never quite fit,
And then I was there, dancing with them.
I forgot that I don't like to dance.
It seemed like a small price to pay,
And yet I'm here now,
Surrounded by things that I don't even like,
And they tell me that they worry
Because I don't want to dance anymore,
But it's so difficult to admit that I never truly
Wanted to dance at all.
It turns out that I am not the person
They thought I was,
But the fault is mine
For pretending to be somebody else;
Somebody who wasn't me.