Refraction.

Ashes.

Once more unto the earth -
From ashes to ashes, dust to dust...
I knew when you were gone,
But I never got to say goodbye;
I have no memory of the last time I saw you,
No recollection of the last words
I said to you, that you said to me...
There's a part of me that feels selfish,
But I wish I'd seen you once more,
Even if it was after you'd turned cold -
I can barely remember your face,
And it kills me still,
After all these years have passed.
One day you were here, the next you were gone
Without a trace.
I try to forgive those who say I was too young
To visit you before you died,
And I try to forgive them for snatching my chance
At closure by cremating you behind closed doors -
I didn't even know the date.
I can forgive them, I think, because they believed
They were doing the right thing,
But it still haunts me, hurts me, deep inside.
We scattered some ashes months later,
I know,
But it didn't feel like you:
I was just throwing dust into the wind.
It couldn't make up for seeing your face
And making sure you knew the things
That we both left unsaid.
I just needed to see you.