Refraction.

Clovette XXIX

My darling Clovette,
I fuel my mind with her memory;
I write as though she still sits before me,
As if it was just yesterday that we last loved.
My vow to love her always was not something I took in vain,
But I never knew that it would end up like this,
Pining after my muse eternal;
Inhaling her ghost from a cigarette,
I follow the breeze, it carries her laugh -
It wakes me from the paralysis
Of modern life, of reality.
I see her when my eyes are closing,
Just a shadow,
Flitting away, back to wherever she has gone.
That place must be brighter now,
I know - filled with her song, inhabited by
Her soul so pure, visage so elegant.
I can only hope to join her one day...
But in the meantime, I curse any god
Whose plan it was
To have us separated for so much of our lives,
And then in death too.
Those sadistic gods can take naught more important
From me - there is nothing else
They might do to stem this blasphemy;
Nothing else could be so painful, so baseless,
So I damn them all - to Hell with them all,
I will meet them there
With a fury that they will never understand.
I shall die, rot, and burn on this hill;
Perhaps my ashes will meet hers
As they are carried away on the wind.
I will die here, but I will write until then:
I will write of my beloved Clovette
As though she sits before me -
As though she still sleeps beside me,
Her breath warm against my neck.
There's no shortage of words to be said on
The beauty she possessed, the strength
With which she defined her femininity,
The electricity within that delightful laugh...
I may dwell on it for hours,
Memories clear as shards of glass,
But nothing can rival the glister of those sweet eyes
In the early morning's light...
I recall her positivity in each aspect of my life,
And I take care not to blame the world.
As she did, I leave seeds for the birds,
Coins for the houseless; I offer each stranger a smile,
Eternally a helping hand.
The dewdrops in the early morning look up at me
As I smoke my cigarette.
The ash carries in the wind, atop the breeze -
We are sharing a gasper as we used to,
And she soothes my sadness with her smile.
I'd oft tell her that the people at the very top
Tend to trample on people to make their way up,
But I hadn't thought it applied to gods;
That fate, probability, divinity couldn't afford to be kind,
But now I know it to be true.
I refuse to condone them, I must counteract them -
It is her example that I follow
As I chase the breeze in pursuit of hearing
That sweet laugh once again.
I shall not blame the blameless; I tread carefully
Across the morning dew, guided by her soft hands.
She has taught me so much of humanity, of gentleness,
Of love, joy, and pleasure, of altruism,
Of how valuable an experience it is to just feel -
I swore that I'd always love her,
And I always will; my muse eternal, I breathe in the air
That she once did; my heart continues the rhythm
That both of ours used to follow, and in the embrace
Of that gentle soul, I know that my celestial rage
Will have its time and place; that mankind will one day
Circumvent this divine nonsense, the cruelty
Of needless and premature death.
That day will come, and whilst I still long
To be with her, I can only hope that my name
Will be remembered with a fondness like hers;
That somebody should say that my kindness in life
Was their turning point, just as hers
Had been for me.