Refraction.

As I Am.

It was not easy to believe, when she said
That I was the kindest, most gentle person
She'd ever laid eyes upon; that I was forgiving,
Trusting, ever so calm,
And her expression changed to one of surprise
When I explained that I am as I am
Due to the anger I'd seen in my father's eyes.
He resented the way his own father behaved
In his youth, and yet went on to become that
Same man - I swore I would not become that
Same man. It would not happen again, or else
Where would that cycle ever end?
At times when my father would shout,
I would mediate. When he would tell my little sisters
That he'd "give them something to cry about",
I would ask them what was wrong.
When he threw things and broke things,
I would clean up the mess; I would see the fear
In my little sisters' eyes.
The tears of my mother, I remember so distinctly -
She would sit on the bed and I would listen
As she cried and tried to find out
Where everything went so wrong.
I saw my parents scream and shout: it was no secret
That they despised one another, but both lived
In denial - "it's for the children", they said.
I saw the worst of both my parents, just as my father
Had seen in his. I could have resented them so easily,
But I remember the rage in my father's eyes -
The fury, the sadness, the evident illness,
And I decided that I should love him.
The same went for my mother - she was not innocent,
But I have seen what anger does to a man,
And I decided not to let it take ahold.
Thus, I have chosen to do the opposite of what my parents would,
And now it is simply who I am:
I treat people with kindness, I am gentle,
I offer forgiveness and trust to those around me,
And I choose to hold love for all living things.
I told her, I saw the anger in my father's eyes,
And that is what made me as I am.
That is what made me realised the man I wanted to be,
Albeit not in the usual way a child learns from his father.