Refraction.

Beata Maria.

Beata Maria,
It is so difficult to know where to begin;
Whether or not it is a waste of your time
To confess to the sins you have seen me commit.
I wonder, Beata Maria, whether you do expect me to know
Any better than these mortal instincts; these mortal
Pleasures, Beata Maria -
I suppose you wouldn't know. I do not know why
I have been told to seek you, sweet Beata Maria,
But please have mercy. I am just a man,
And I cannot even begin to comprehend all of the things
That I do not know; that I shall never know.
I both do and do not understand my place,
And I have the same addled understanding of which side
To take in all of these moral debates.
Beata Maria, it is difficult to believe in so many gods -
If they forbid me from worshipping one another,
What is there left for me to do? Beata Maria, you love us all -
Tell me, how does one love the victim whilst continuing
To love the perpetrator?
Baetae Mariae semper Virgini,
My heart is confused, and though I mostly do
What I deem to be right, there are parts of me
That harbour darkness;
Sometimes I act spitefully, argue, cry -
Perhaps all men do, but few seem to feel guilty.
The guilt, I know, reflects well on me, Beata Maria,
But I have this sense of betrayal within me:
What sort of god chooses to make the Devil so much stronger
Than a man? Fie, Beata Maria, he is stronger than us all!
Were your god stronger, we would not be sinners,
Nobody would shun his influence as we do.
Beata Maria, he has set mankind up to fail;
He planted the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden,
And yet deo omnipotenti knows all - he knew
What would happen, and yet Eve still took the fall.
Beata Maria, he creates rules that go against our very nature,
Rules perpetuated to cause more harm than good.
No other gods are to be put before him, as he demands,
But he acknowledges that they, too, are out there, and I -
My dearest Beata Maria - cannot refute this.
It pains me to turn my back on you, but the corruption
Runs so terribly deep, and I cannot uphold an institution
That twists words as they do; that would deem my existence a sin.
I must go, Beata Maria, and I shall neither hide
Nor apologise any more. I shall not be governed by fear.