Journey of a Lifetime

The Haunted Past

Walking into my apartment at 1am, Kim is still awake, watching Jay Leno's talk show and eating Chinese takeout.

"Morning" she smiles through noodles

"Hi" I sigh, blinking

"Who's flannel is that? You haven't cheated on Jay, right?"

"Uhh, I found it. No, I haven't. Not yet anyway"

"What do you mean, not yet?"

"Nothing, I'm going to bed. Wake me up at 10"

Adam was there at the Sunday gig as well, sitting at the bar, eating a burger.

"Your Canadian friend is here again" Joe smiles, eyebrows raised in a knowing fashion

"I see him"

"You two have fun catching up last night?"

"Just fine"

"Okay, this is a new level for you. You are usually not this snippy, what's up?"

"Nothing, just. Nothing" I sigh and give a tight smile at Joe

"Right, then let's start"

We play our few hours then pack up. Same as we do every Sunday. I'm enjoying this routine. I tried not to look at Adam too much, but when your sexy ex-fiancé is sitting there, sometimes you can't help but stare.

"You and Joe really have something great up there" Adam comments, passing me a scotch, as I make my way to him at the bar

"Thanks. It's not something I want to give up"

"Don't. This is something I can see brings you joy. I can see why you need to stay here"

"I can't move now. This is who I need to be. And to think, I got the gig from being high and drunk on a bench"

"Wait, what? High?"

"Fuck"

"I think we need to have a further chat about this"

"I don't think we do" I smile, panicking, quickly drinking the scotch. Oh, that's smooth.

"Right, because there isn't ways of getting information from you"

Oh yes, let him use that tongue on us again, you know you've missed it

"Actually, sure. Let's talk about that. But not here, in this bar. Somewhere quiet, so I can tell it right" I agree, not letting the voice inside take over.

My apartment block. I don't know why I've come here, why I driven him here in my Dodge Charger.

"Why are we at a shitty looking apartment block?" Adam asks as we pull into the carpark

"This is where I live" I smile, turning the loud purring engine off.

"And what a lovely place it is" he laughs

"Shut up" I laugh, slapping his upper arm

"So talk, before we do something else in this car"

"It's a bit hard to know where to begin"

"How about the start? That's usually the best point" he frowns at me, "and no lies"

"I'll tell you what I remember, might need some help filling in the blanks, but I'm not sure if she's home. I was about 11 when I started smoking cigarettes. Tried to stop, haven't, just changed what was in them over time"

"11?"

"Yeah. Dad was never home and when he was, he was sleeping. My younger brother stayed in his bedroom most of the time. Mum was just trying to change me constantly, so I spent as much time away from home as possible. I moved states and schools for a year, simply because I didn't want to be there"