Journey of a Lifetime

Secrets Never Last

It wasn't long until I was alone again. The house silent, I could hear my heartbeat. The beat feeling loud in the silence. I needed out.

"How are we feeling today?" the doctor asked as I sat in the chair

"I actually don't know. Okay, I guess" I sigh, as she takes out her notepad and pen, adjusting her glasses.

"And Janet?"

"Not too loud. Everything else is loud at the moment"

"How about your birthday? Did you do anything special?"

"Adam's flights were delayed so I didn't see him on my birthday. It's work"

"Anything else? Did you do anything? Zoe, if you want me to help, you need to open up"

"Yeah, I know. I went to Florida the next day, made a surprise visit to the team there, nearly had sex with Jay, but didn't. His girlfriend has taken him back, but is mad at me, and apparently he's on thin ice with her as well"

"Well, I'm glad you didn't have sex with him"

I'm not, we made him hard and horny

"Oh, look who's back" I laugh to myself, forgetting I was in the psychologist's office

"She seems to like the Jay topic" the doctor smiles, writing on her pad

"Shit, yeah. Sorry. What else happened?" I mumble, asking myself, whilst fiddling with the rings on my finger. "Oh right, I am married now"

"To Adam?"

"Yes, thankfully. Think I would be dead, otherwise"

"Well, congratulations. Tell me about the wedding"

"There wasn't one. We went to city hall first thing in the morning, once he got here. He's keeping it really quiet"

"Why do you think that is?"

"Well we are holding a staged one still for the families. If he starts telling people, then his mother will be angry about it. She hates me anyway, but glad she's close with Adam. But she did want us to change the date"

"And how about you? Are you being quiet about it?"

"I've only told a couple of people, including you. My assistant at work told more people than I have"

"Was the trip to see Jay before or after the city hall wedding?"

"Before. And I did not go just to see Jay"

Yes we did. We simply made it a work thing too to take away any suspicions. But Jay was the reason for it all. We wanted our fuckbuddy again.

"I didn't go just to see Jay. It just happened when I went to visit the other office, which I do now as part of my job" I continue, convincing myself

"And if Adam hadn't been delayed?"

"I would've still gone that day. It was planned, in my diary"

"Would you have still gone to see Jay?"

Oh, who cares? We went for him, and only him.

"I had gone to the house anyway. If he was there or not. I had stuff to do"

We had Jay to do.

My fists clench, fingernails digging into my palms. Janet so loud, need to get her to be quiet.

"What's going on, Zoe?" the doctor asks

"She is just loud, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to enjoy my new married life, with my amazing husband, and not have this stupid, bitchy voice in my head. I'm not asking for much"