Journey of a Lifetime

And So It Blows Up

It was suddenly Monday. Jay was off to his next show before the sun came up, kissing me deeply as he left.

Yawning, I make my way into the kitchen, needing a large mug of tea.

"First day of the promotion, right?" Kim mentions, as I pour the boiling water into the large mug, the water turning dark brown

"Yeah, it's going to be mad going forward now" I yawn. Think I need something more to wake me this morning

"Tired? Need some coke?"

"Yeah actually" I mumble, not realising what she actually said

"I knew you were back on it"

"Back on what? Huh?" I frown, shaking the cobwebs from my head

"Cocaine and heroin. I cleaned your stuff yesterday. It wasn't old"

"Ah, right, yes. That" I sigh, giving her a tight smile as I rub my forehead

"So what you going to do about it?" Kim asks, sipping on her second coffee of the morning

"Well now I don't have to hide it while I'm around you" I laugh, panicking, as I grab the milk from the fridge

"Zoe, seriously. Do we need another trip to rehab?"

"No, I got it this time. Look at me"

"You're going to kill yourself. And now with the job, I actually do think you will"

"I'm not going to kill myself. I've still got love to keep me going"

"With who? Jay or Adam?"

"Jay of course"

"Then why are you wearing Adam's flannel?"

"It's comfortable, and he gave it to me. It means nothing" I defend, the ends of the sleeves in my hands.

She rolls her eyes with a shake of her head.

Quickly drinking my tea, I ignore her disapproval. "I need to get ready, I'll see you later"

The phones do not stop. I was thankful for the line of cocaine later that day which kept me going. It was dark when I got to go home. Lisa was my saviour that day, making sure I ate and had some sort of liquids. It was like this every day that week. Leave early, home late. Kim was out most evenings at work. I'd get home to some leftovers of some kind, sitting myself in front of the television, message Jay. Smoke something, drink something, eat something, pass out. Do it again the next day. The cycle until death.

A few weeks later of the endless cycle, things start to die down at work and I feel like I can breathe in my day again. Things are settling, I can make time to chat to Jay again.

"Hi honeybun" I smile, as he answers the phone

"Good afternoon sweetiepie" he whispers

"I miss you"

"I'll be there soon. You've been busy. I can grab that key from you as well"

"I have it ready for you"

"I miss you, we are going to have so much fun"

"You're moving in with her" Adam yells in the background

"You hadn't told him, had you?" I ask

"Not exactly" Jay groans, "fuck"

"It's fine, how were you actually going to do this?" I ask, laughing slightly.

Lisa heads into my office with another pile of files, mouthing "Sorry" as she puts them on my desk

I nod at her as she smiles, exiting the room.