Journey of a Lifetime

I'm Back, Baby

I wonder if I can stay off the hard stuff this time. I'm out and heading home now, after another 2 months in the crazy house. It wasn't a rehab centre, and if it was, it's extreme. Yes I went through rehab, but the devil in my mind is still there, saying I'll be back into my old routine of drug addiction and drinking until I can't remember a damn thing, until I feel numb. I've been through this many times and they've all had the same drugged up ending. Do happy endings exist outside the fairy tales? My life has been one fucked up but amazing fairy tale, one that won't become a bedtime story for the kids, because it's a damn nightmare.

Kim is driving me home. Yes, driving all the way back. Could've at least used my car, these seats are uncomfortable. She's talking, I don't know what's she's saying. I can't hear anything over my ass cramp. I haven't seen her in a long time, so she's either lecturing me about how this always happens, how she hopes I've learnt my lesson this time, which she always doubts I have, she's seen this one too many times to know what happens next. If she's not lecturing me about my life, she's telling me about how her life is going, all the good, bad and ugly things that's happened when I was away. I'm thankful that's she's part of my life, even with all the shit I've put her through in the years I've known her. I'll never tell her that, but she knows it, even when I show her the complete opposite. I'll get my life on track, on a different track, for my ticket on that crazy train has expired. Time for a new start.

We drive for hours on end, she's nearly fallen asleep at the wheel a few times, which is when she pulls over for more caffeine. How anyone can sleep in these car seats is beyond me, although my ass is officially numb. She won't let me drive even if I offered, she doesn't trust me behind a wheel of any car now, especially with her there. She got me a bike so I can get around when we get home, she doesn't even want me driving my own cars. I need to get out and walk for a bit, pins and needles in my feet. Need to move.

"Can we stop?" I blurt out, interrupting her mid-sentence with the first words I've said nearly the whole trip

"What?" she yells at me, her eyes shifting and red

"Can we stop, please? I can't feel my body below my waist. We both need some fresh air" I ask again, keeping my voice calm

"Fine, okay" she yells again, taking the next exit off the motorway into a truckstop.

Kim with too much caffeine is scary, I wonder if that's how she saw me when I'm on drugs. Was on drugs.

"Thank you" I sigh as she parks the car.

My legs almost buckle underneath me as I get out of her car, holding onto the door for balance. The shocking pain of pins and needles rushes up from the soles of my feet up to my thighs.

"Fucking hell" I curse under my breath at the strange sensation

She sits outside with another triple shot in hand, shaking. I drink my tea standing on the opposite side of the metal table. Her keys featuring a disco ball and a blue haired troll are placed on the table next to her, tempting me to take them for the safety of everyone's life. Everyone at the small truckstop stares as she yells, the keys in my hand quickly.

"I'm driving, you need sleep. That much caffeine cannot be safe for either of us when you're behind the wheel" I tell her, spinning the keys around my finger.

"No! No! No!" she protests, yelling, cup shaking in her hand.

"I might have only just come out of rehab, but right now, I'm the safer driver" I defend, heading towards the car, keys firmly in my hand

"You are not driving my car" she yells as she follows me in pursuit, yawning halfway through her sentence

"Yes I am. You are not getting behind that wheel until you've had some sleep"