Journey of a Lifetime

Stop Knocking

Love is just a crazy four letter word that people think the world of. The three simple words of 'I love you' can and will change your whole world, the other persons reaction to those three words can break you down into rubble or shoot you to cloud nine to where everybody looks like dots. Love, it's just a four letter word. It's when substitutes like drugs come into it, that's when it all turns on you. Drugs make everybody turn against you, nobody loves you when you're on drugs, they hate you and hate isn't just a four letter word, hate is a real thing and it will end up killing you inside more than drugs or love will ever do. More hate leads to more drugs which leads to even more hate and in the end there's no love, love becomes just that four letter word that you used to think the world of. Soon there will no such thing as that word, as hate and drugs will take over the world. It's as simple as that. The three simple words will never be said again.

"Kim, I need some alone time. Is it possible to have that? I haven't actually been alone for any of my time here" I ask, staring at the Bewitch rerun on the telly

"Of course, I'll give you a couple of days. I'll book myself into a hotel. Don't do anything stupid" Kim confirms, searching my eyes for any stupid thoughts

"I'm not going to kill myself, Kim"

"Good. I'll see you in a few days" she smiles, heading to her room to grab a few days clothes and heading out

Oh finally, peace and quiet.

Except for me.

Oh yeah, except you.

Let's make it only us. And so no one can ever disturb us again.

Fine, but we do this my way.

So yeah, I'm back here, alone, everyone just leaves, and I end up getting high off my head. Why does it always come to this? Thought I was over that repeated phrase of my life. Obviously not! I really can't take this anymore. It's too hard on me, so today I'm finally through, time for something new. Time for my way out.

In the closet, tears running down my high numb face, gun in my hand. Placing the pistol inside my mouth, ready to pull the trigger and stop this pain, this phrase of my life, end it all for once and for all. I black out, passed out in my closet, the gun falls from my mouth, my hand and onto the floor. Such a coward, couldn't even finish it. Shit.

"You heading to Tennessee now, your new home?" Adam asks, teasing

"No, I'm not" Jay answers. He hasn't told Adam about the break up, talked about Zoe in what feels like a lifetime. He misses her so, but a life of drugs is not for him. That he knows.

"Why not?" Adam frowns, as they head through airport security

"Just not"

"You've been out of sorts recently, what's going on Jay?" Adam demands

"We broke up, okay. You happy now?" Jay screams, his face hot

Adam stops, staring at Jay in shock. Jay grabs his stuff, heading to the gate to head back to Florida, bumping Adam's shoulder on the way.

"Jay, wait" Adam yells out, grabbing his bag and chasing after him. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. What happened?"

"The same thing that always happens. I screwed up and I called it off. So if you don't mind, before you try to kill me, I'm going to go home, get drunk and see some strippers" Jay rambles

I awaken at what feels like months later. My phone is flashing with missed calls and text messages. There's banging on the door and screams, screaming my name. Turn away, stop knocking, turn away, stop knocking, please turn away, stop knocking... can't you tell there's nobody home. Please, just leave me here to die. I can't even get up, even if I wanted you to come in. The date on my phone tells me I've only been out for a week, it's only a week since the last thing I recall, but it feels like months. Fuck I need a drink.