Because I said so, that's why. Also, because work stressed me out today.
Featuring, the teachers!
Aizawa, waking up suddenly: FUCK, I'm late for school!
Aizawa: Wait... I don't go to school.
Aizawa, laying back down: I graduated like... twenty years ago.
Aizawa: *realization* I'M THE TEACHER-
Kayama (Midnight): It has come to the school's attention that some of you have enrolled yourselves in certain... extracurricular activities.
Kayama: So, the school board has decided it is my job to teach you some things, because apparently, the nurse is dead, or some shit. Some of the teachers have even made me a list.
Denki: ... why does that list look like a CVS receipt..?
Kayama: Number 1, there are videos on youtube to teach you the proper application of concealer, your teachers like to stay ignorant.
Midoriya: Wha... what?
Kayama: Number 2, being poor is not an excuse not to buy them. I promise you the alternative is way more expensive.
Iida: Huh?
Uraraka: Why... does this feel targeted?
Kayama: Number 3, I promise you, the walls are thinner than you think.
Shoji: O... oh.
Ojiro: What's "oh?" What are we supposed to be learning?
Jiro: I think I got it.
Kayama: Number 4, public spaces are public for a reason.
Jiro: Yep, I got it.
Bakugo: Oh, so it's to be this kind of class today, huh?
Kirishima: Huh??
Ectoplasm: If... if two plus two is four...
Ectoplasm: And five plus five is ten...
Ectoplasm: Then what the fuck is this?
The four loud blondes, two croc bros, six furries, three upperclassmen, a case of anxiety, two ponytail queens, and that one kid with a cartoon head: ... We're sorry for setting the math test on fire.
Hound Dog: *BARK BARK WOOF GROWL, BARK GROWL GROWL, BARK WOOF WOOF YIP*
Bakugo: SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIRE YOUR ASS.
Hound Dog: *BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK*
Iida: LOOK, I came to you with an actual problem, you're not helping!
Hound Dog: *BARK WOOF, GROWL BARK WOOF, GROWL BARK BARK GROWL*
Koda: Don't you think I haven't tried that? I was hoping this time you'd tell me to stop trying to make friends with bugs... okay, but why do I have to?
Hound Dog: *GRRRRRRRRR—woof?*
Kaminari, petting him: *oblivious*
Kayama: Number 13, the nurse knows you didn't accidentally fall onto a candle.
Tokoyami: Fucking God, make her stop.
Kayama: Number 14, double layering is never a good idea, just in case you were wondering.
Mina: I promise you I was not.
Sero: I kinda was.
Denki: I definitely was.
Kayama: Number 15, it only takes one time, and then you're stuck with it for life.
Bakugo: Kinda like Deku.
Midoriya: *debating**debating**debating*
Midoriya: You would know, wouldn't you?
Bakugo: *chokes*
Shoto: *no hesitation* Are you that out of practice, Bakugo?
Bakugo: *instant fury*
Yamada: Today, we are having a lesson in Emotional Communication. Since you all suck at that in both Japanese and English and I'm sick of watching you kids cry. SO-
Yamada: We will be asking a series of questions to learn more about each other and breakdown the barriers of communication! Starting with: what was the dumbest reason for becoming a hero in this class?
Momo: Sir, is this a competition?
Yamada: I mean, no, but it could be.
Jiro: Oh, then I win. I became a hero when some dude tried to rob my favorite music store, I blew his eardrums out and ran away, and then I became a hero so that the cops would stop looking for me because I accidentally stole the bass I was testing.
Yamada: I—you wha?
Shoji: I became a hero so that people would stop saying I looked like a villain.
Shinso: Yo, saaame.
Yamada: ... this game sucks.
Aizawa, holding up his coffee pot: Who broke it?
Aizawa: I'm not mad. I just wanna know.
All Might: I did, I broke it—
Aizawa: No, no you didn't. Mic?
Yamada: *offended* Don't look at me. Look at Ken.
Ken Ishijima (Cementoss): What? I didn't break it.
Yamada: Huh, that's weird—then how'd you even know it was broken?
Ishijima: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.
Yamada: Suspicious.
Ishijima: No, it's not.
Ectoplasm: If it matters—probably not, but—Nemuri was the last one to use it.
Kayama: *gasp* Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Ectoplasm: Oh, really? Then what were you doing over by the coffee cart earlier?
Kayama: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, stupid.
All Might: Let's not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Shota—
Aizawa: No. Who broke it?
Snipe: Shota... Chiyo's been awful quiet—
Recovery Girl: oh, REALLY?!
Snipe: YEAH, REALLY—
Aizawa: I broke it.
Aizawa: It burned my hands, so I punched it.
Aizawa: I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Aizawa: Good. It was getting a little crummy around here.
Shinso: ... you know this means you're sleeping on the couch right?
Yamada: Okay, and last but not least, which of you knows a song that would make your friends concerned for your mental health?
Tokoyami: At last, my time has come, to rise forth from the dark shadows into glory—
Mina: Aw, man, that means Kiri wins.
Tokoyami: Wha..?
Kirishima: *stressed* Mina, that can't be right—
Mina: Shut up, you know all the lyrics to that one Hollywood Undead song.
Kirishima: Oh, come on, Hollywood Undead is not that bad—
Mina: No?
Mina: *with phone*
Kiri: *is more stressed*
Kayama: Number 36, it rolls on, carefully, like a sock. Not like your jeans.
Sero: Oh, come on. Who doesn't know that?
Kirishima: *bangs his head against the desk*
Bakugo: *laughs*
Kayama: Number 37, sorry to break it to you, but a menstrual cycle is not a contraceptive.
Denki: BOOOO!
Kayama: Number 38, wearing socks does indeed make it gay.
Shoto: Oh, then I have some news to break to my father—
Kayama: Number 39, whoever is doing it, stop putting off pictures of an empty room on the bulletin, we will start pressing charges for pornographic distribution.
Shinso: Wait, what?
Sato: Who did what now?
Hagakure: Aw, man...
Ojiro: . . . THAT IS NOT THE CORRECT RESPONSE, WHAT THE FUCK?!
Hagakure: Adultery!
Ojiro: NO! THAT JOKE IS OVER, IT'S BIT FUNNY ANYMORE!
Mina's phone:
Bakugo, who knows:
Sero, who guessed:
Momo, offended:
Denki, singing along—
Midoriya, who knows:
Uraraka, who guessed:
Iida, offended:
Shoto, oblivious:
Shoji, who should've known better:
All: KIRI—
Tomoyami, who guessed: Fine, he wins.
Kirishima: Okay, but are we all just ignoring Denki—
All: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Kirishima: Guys, it's a song.
All: Yes, but it's you.
Kayama: Number 42, eighteen and up means eighteen and up, not gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.
Shoto: ... explain.
Aoyama: Ah, that one is not for us, my friend.
YOU ARE READING
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FanfictionIt all started with a boy. A CUTE boy. Kirishima owns a flower shop in UA college town, where he spends most of his time when he's not running around being a vigilante and crushing on Ground Zero. He works tirelessly every day, trying desper...
