A Flower's Affection (KiriBaku Flower Shop AU)

Katsuki Bakugo - Murder, He Wrote

        "We're not. Getting. Married," Katsuki snapped, already the third time having this argument. Clenched fists shook at his sides, far too frustrated to keep this up. Today of all days.

        Ochako threw up her hands with a grin, clearly having too much fun. "Then what is Todoroki talking about? He wouldn't make this up--he doesn't know how!"

        With a sigh of exhaustion, Deku claimed a seat next to his boyfriend and leaned back against the wall. "Yeah," he shrugged, thankfully having already lost interest, "but he does know how to draw wild conclusions. You were talking about, what, a long-term relationship? I can definitely see where he got marriage from."

        "Stop saying that word."

        "For God's sake, marriage, Kacchan." The other boy snapped back. He flopped dramatically into Busybody McGee's empty lap. "Marriage. Marriage, marriage, marriage. I am sorry that you are scared of commitment."

        The accusation was almost worse than being physically struck, and only Eijiro's arm around his waist kept him from managing to claw Deku's eyes out. "I am fucking not!"

        "I am," Eijiro offered to placate them, "so can we please stop talking about it? That's pressure that I really don't need. Not--not that I'm not open to... you know... the idea of... that. But. Not... now."

        Stupid ass moron—he had hoped to laugh this off with Eijiro and bury it back down where it belonged. And his boyfriend was almost dumb enough to have let it go like that too. Fucking Todoroki, GODDAMNIT.

        The chimera in question blinked owlishly at Eijiro like the redhead had said something offensive. "But... isn't a fear of commitment for Y2K sitcom characters? Izuku said it's an excuse that cowards hide behind to protect their pride."

        "Huh?!"

        Deku's eye twitched. "Shoto, hunny, let's not repeat the things I say out of context. I was debating the characteristics of Friends characters because we were writing that way on irony for Yamada." He crossed his arms. "It was supposed to be funny, since between the characters with crippling abandonment issues, the one too eager to commit divorced three times and the fearful one married the former's sister despite every conceivable obstacle, adopted twice, bought a house, and even landed a stable career finally pursuing his dream."

        "The next person to say any variation of the word 'marry' is going to be eating sparks."

        Ochako blinked off guard at Deku and completely ignored Katsuki's threat. "Did you seriously write a report on the irony of Chandler Bing?"

        Celsius nodded sagely. "Professor Yamada awarded me extra points for drawing parallels between the characters and our classmates." He handed his phone over to Eijiro. "And then he let me submit this for extra credit."

        Eijiro's face dropped from confusion to derision pretty quickly. Katsuki craned his neck to see, made difficult when Ei held it up out of his reach. "Uh, dude... not my element, but I'm pretty sure that this is literal self-insert fan fiction." Katsuki lunged for it, but Eijiro tossed it back to the half-wit. "And it's like... two hundred pages."

        Deku pulled a face. "Trust me, it's gets so much worse when you read it." He held strong and Katsuki's glare for a half second more. "Kacchan, the whole thing is about his conspiracy that you and I are secretly related and how he thinks I'm hiding feelings for Momo."

        Katsuki felt part of his soul leave. He turned on his heel.

        "Aw!" Ochako teased after him. "Where ya going, Blasty?"