The Unusual Suspects Book 2

Toya

I was sitting up on my bed watching AJ sleep. I missed my baby so so much. I'm so used to it being every single day, waking up and going to sleep with him next to me. I promise I love my son with all my heart, but it's my heart that I need to follow right now. Not even gonna lie, I've been thinking hard about Tony's reaction earlier. I didn't mean for him to basically get the reality of what I had been doing, but at the same time he understood what was going on. But the way he reacted let's me know that he was hurt. Tony was different when it came to emotions, he's the type to laugh off any ounce of emotion that he's feeling. So that laugh earlier...that laugh let me know he was really hurt. I love his whole life, so the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but I feel like I was just missing something. Paradox just brought something different to the table for me. When we were together, each moment was a different experience and it was intriguing and invigorating to say the least. We could've stayed out in that cabin for real. But I also respect how serious he is about his music and I know this tour means everything to him. He did make sure he reached out to me after their plane landed. I was surprised because I expected to not hear from him at all, because I just know everything is moving for him. Hell I even reached out to Onyx to wish her luck. Of course I hit up Dom and Iris, they seemed so happy and ready for the tour too. I couldn't wait to start getting pictures of them in their outfits that I styled for them and the ones that I created. I know for sure all of these were gonna be instant nostalgia for me. We were all excited for different reasons, but the same moments would go down in history for us all. Then I heard a soft knock on my door and Elizabeth poked her head in the room.                                  "Lil Handsome in here napping, huh?" She said softly as she walked over to the bed.                           "He sure is, as usual." I told her. She sat down on the other side of my bed. "Good to see you. What brings you by?" I asked her as she took a couple pictures of him.                                                        "I was headed to the grocery store and happened to see your car outside, so I decided to stop by. Where's Tony?" she asked me. I kinda didn't want to explain this to her at all. "Uh oh I know that look. I won't pry, but I hope everything will be alright." she said gently before she leaned over and placed a kiss on AJ's cheek. She was like that, real understanding and didn't dwell on things for too long. I hope that's the type of parent I turn out to be. "How are you doing?" she asked as she focused her attention back on me.                                                                                                                         "I'm okay. It's like I'm great and so-so at the same time." I said and she looked concerned. "Okay...I'm not sure how that can be, but I'll accept it as an answer." She said with a slight giggle and I laughed at that my damn self. It did sound a lil funny. I laughed too. "It's good to see you smile though. I know when you're new to motherhood, it can be some real trying times. Especially when you're trying to find your way as a mother, as yourself, and soon to be wife. That's a lot of pressure and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed or just feel like you need an escape to say the least. But look at you...juggling it all." She said sounding totally and completely proud of me and I couldn't even allow this to continue.                                                               "I'm not sure that that's true." I said and she looked over at me. "Between us?" I asked her and she nodded. "Me and Tony decided to give ourselves from freedom before tying the knot."           "So y'all came up with that collectively?" she asked me.                                                                                     "No. I actually came up with it and he just agreed." I looked to her for a reaction, but she actually didn't give me one. "I guess it's kind of like you said...I just had a hard time juggling it all and needed a break to know for sure if this is really what I want to do." I said to her.                             "I can understand that, sometimes we get comfortable in how things are and we forget what all we had to do to get there. Things become mundane and monotonous...you're looking for a spice. That's normal. Plus you guys are still really young, maybe you're rushing into marriage. Maybe you didn't get a chance to just be you without Tony, you know what I mean?" She asked me and even though I agreed with her statement, it did make me feel crazy hearing it that way.  "Yeah I know what you mean. It's like I was so sure for so long and now I don't know. Tony is upset with me, not that I totally blame him, but I also never wanted to hurt him."                              "That's love sweetie. He's hurt because he would take his last dollar and bet it on you. Not saying that's a bad thing, but realistically he made his plans with you in mind. He didn't plan for a future that didn't have you in it. That let's you know he was raised correctly. See people who were raised by love, think with someone else in mind. People who were raised on survival focus on their own path. I think it's important to have both qualities because without love, where are you going? Without survival instincts, how are you prospering? Those are things he now has to ask himself and you've already figured that out for you. You two were building a life together so it's only natural to think with the other in mind. But give yourself time to allow yourself to blossom appropriately. Life isn't a race, it's an experience. Experience it." I needed to hear that.