if i were to die
in the next few days
my stupid brain would wonder
why
and the answer would be
there's no why there's only a cause.
i'd think about all the other life forms
that will remain alive longer than me
and would realise
they'll die at some point anyway. it's nothing unique
to die.
and nothing special
to live.
the only uniqueness is in the how.
my how would consume me
i'd look for nonexistent meaning
and try to squeeze the last drop of pleasure from the final days hours minutes
seconds
the pressure would kill me
before i even die
and i'd feel like i've wasted it anyway. it can never be perfect.
the imperfect is our paradise.
dance in the rain; don't wait for the storm to pass. it might never pass.
not before you, that is. but it'll feel like forever for you anyway because after YOU pass time ceases to exist to yo
ur brain starts decaying. it's irreversible. 100% mortality rate.
i'd feel violated by biology
a victim of bad choices and choiceless processes
isn't it so funny, i'd ask, that we're walking codes caring so much about staying alive
and nobody knows why.
why doesn't matter. only the how does.
my how would consume me again
again
and again
no matter how many times i'd try to make peace with it.
certain things the brain just can't really process.
death is one of them. and so we fail
and it doesn't matter because perfection is not our oxygen.
we can breathe even when in pain.
we can smile even through our bitter tears.
but if you frown your whole life you'll be a frowning corpse
- that's just how it is.
.
.
.
[the part that fucks up the flow so i got annoyed and cut it off and put it aside, here, below. no rhyme intended]
powerless in so many things.
afraid to admit that.
afraid to admit
our [perceived] weakness.
we just want to go to sleep already
- tired with the constant running, fighting -
and wake up the next day like nothing happened
but there's no waking up from death. there's no tomorrow, no "the next day"
and a lack of a reason to go is not a good reason to stay.
would i have a good reason to stay? or would i just blindly follow my self-preservation instincts, like a will-less robot?
well, i'd stay for good food. maybe orgasms too but eh it's same thing, done a billion times, including those gooood ones after ~one whole hour of self-love, so... kinda over it lowkey. it feels the best ever, but yeah. food is better. when it's good. because it's more diverse.
i'd stay for fresh tomatoes, pizza, white asparagus, oranges, orange juice, and peaches (i had a dream abt peaches tday. just remembered). raspberries. mangos. bananas. mashed potatoes. maybe fries. and soft boiled, buttery eggs. roasted apples, fried zucchini, pumpkin curry... Mmm... if i was alive after death i'd envy the living food.makes no sense xD so i've realised i have good food in life. somewhat. enough that i'd envy myself TERRIBLY if i couldn't afford it anymore.
:D
.
.
.
only one more reason to stress abt going broke. life's beautiful
only to those that can afford it and are lucky enough, however common that is, to have all their physical abilities.
.
.
.
#9.2.24, 2,8.3.24 (opublikowany 19.3.24)
CZYTASZ
heart beats
Poesia~ poezje itp ~ w gruncie rzeczy, jesteśmy worami mięsa, kości, i flaków. ale w tym worze mieści się mózg, a mózg to wciąż niezbadana złożoność, która z prostego wora potrafi uczynić święty graal. the heart beats/heartbeats/heartbeat: serce bije, ser...
