heart beats

small gestures of self-love

soft brushes of a candle flame

against lazy jazzy notes swaying the snowflakes

lights flickering in the snow, smooth and warm

against the crisp and cold

crackling fire in a fireplace

ice on the branches

unrushed steps

leading to my bed

the warmth of my own body wraps me in a hug

self-love: the most precious gift one can have

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kinda uninspired. cest la brain. POINT IS:

nice winter decor (doesn't feel like winter outside, so i made myself my own little winter wonderland) + a sprinkling of yule decor and stereotypical chmas decor (candy canes are so it. didn't know until i tried. and they're like candy corn: no specific symbolism)

+

a candle in a winter themed jar. makes my wall look like a sunset. (also made me cough coz i didnt ventilate as properly as one should. lesson learned. as a natural scientist, i had to conduct real life testing)

+

soft jazz flowing smoothly from a loudspeaker

+

comfy bed

+

mindfulness. contemplating the sensory experience. with no pressure or anything. no goal. just contemplate

=

a vibe 😌

a sweet, precious moment. that one day will be a sweet, precious memory. im so happy i can have it. it's silly and glorious.

joy doesn't need a lot. just sit back and enjoy. i always like things to have some real world meaning; like halloween for example. but then, plain aesthetics are enough. keep it simple. joy in small things. the silliest and more meaningless the better - joy can be found anywhere. and it's not expensive.

there doesn't have to be a point; u can do it anyway.

winter is abt rest (tho not that much anymore for humans, coz technology). chilling. just chilling. active chilling (active enjoyment, active relaxation, other self care). like ur on a date with urself. making urself feel taken care of, spoiled even :D [coz life won't do that so might as well take things in ur own hands], loved, cherished, respected, and appreciated. what's a better gift than genuine, deep self love that plays light, feathery notes among deep and rich 💝

every day is suitable for that. yule/what have u just makes me think of that more, coz of the presents culture, & also coz yule, as part of nature-based spirituality (i dont do spirituality; im merely educated), uses evergreens as symbols of strength and endurance [of life tru the harshness of winter weather, specifically. Coz strength isn't inherently tied to staying alive, duh; one can be strong enough to break up with life. But obvsly in this life fetishizing culture nobody ever thinks of it like that] and the practical implication of self-love (that is: self care) is exactly what allows one to endure tough times without being broken much by them & killed (obvsly there are limits. no life can endure everything, and aging is a physical unavoidability that no biological form or mechanism is able to withstand, see 2nd law of thermodynamics). winter itself, in turn, makes me think of mindfulness and meditation. coz cold = parasympathetic activation so hotheadedness goes away; and ice is like freezing a moment and just observing it calmly. it's chill. as a result: chilling out, taking a break, as part of self-care which contributes to emotional resilience. rest is important as part of a routine, but if one wants to have a whole day or sth worth of rest, every now and then, winter can be cool for that.

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fun facts or sth:

yule and chmas started as separate holidays with different origins, but yule - and other pagan winter solstice, or other, festivals, many of which are nature-based types of spirituality - predate chmas - and christianity itself - and chmas was influenced by yule & other pagan winter solstice festivals (including what date christians chose for their celebration of christ's birth: the time around winter solstice), when christianity incorporated pre-existing traditions to make the new religion more accessible. and so from those old, original traditions, we have:

• evergreens - life enduring tru winter.

• fire & candles - celebrating light & warmth of the sun which is "growing back in strength" (yule & other winter solstice festivals mark the day when days start getting longer again. personally, that depresses me; but anyway).

• socializing - coz in winter one would mostly spend time indoors coz cold, so not much extrovertive productivity, and in earlier societies wintertime gatherings mostly happened in enclosed spaces as opposed to outdoors coz again, cold.

• gifts giving - tied to the socializing (humans would spend lots time indoors so they'd get bored and crafty) but also a way to share "warmth" in the cold and dark days of winter, or giving others talismans for divine/etc protection, and some other potential functions.

THE END.

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some massive ranting:

personally i vibe with yule & the like - been celebrating it (secularly) for at least a decade now - and not chmas etc, bc the former r much more abt natural cycles (again, nature-based spirituality). i don't do spirituality, bc knowing physics & philosophy & human psychology & whatnot, plus the fact that there's been thousands of religions truout human history, my brain couldn't bring itself to believe in those. but i like to squeeze out of spiritual or otherwise holidays the aspects that are rooted in the reality. and seasons are not just the reality but very much a relevant reality (not as much nowadays tho coz many live in brick houses with year-round electricity and supermarkets) so i like pagan holidays. not just bc theyre the "true"/"real" holidays (came first + r rooted in the reality more; tho still with unhinged elements) that are way older than christianity and other contemporary common beliefs (but most don't know that. I still remember what definition of pagans was shoved down our throats in school: "ppl who dont know god". *facepalm* Can't get more biased than that. My 15yo self was already wise enough; therefore I didn't do confirmation or whatever's the eng. Independent thinking, bitch. Following the crowd is for sheep. I'm a wolf (no, i don't have a wolf fetish. That was a stupid metaphor which i >relatively< rarely use outside of poems bc good communication ftw and metaphors r the oposit so fuck them most of the time. Can be useful; but usually r more problematic than useful bc theyre misused, or ppl use unconventional metaphors that only they know what they mean & bam we have misunderstandings. I na co to. One doesnt have to have autism to be butthurt abt metaphors; except that buttpain is sober, sadly)) but also bc they make more sense. so i feel actually connected to them; more or less, depending how much i like the specific natural themes & resonate on a personal level with their symbolic associations. say, sun and warmth suck cunt for me, so lights are symbolically yuck; but esthetically sure. but say, evergreens - as a symbol of strength, endurance of biological forms [despite their many weaknesses, including that very endurance itself #perspective] - hit closer to home; except i hate evergreens in winter coz theyre green, not white like snow, and winter=snow (...if only .-.), so gtfo with green, soon we're gonna be getting fucking flowers in winter. no seasons anymore, just plain fry-fest all year. i wish that was just stupid complaining of a bitter human life form, but while i might be a bitter human life form (along other flavors), the complaining is in order.

.  <--- this dot looked dirty on my screen for a moment.

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25.12.24 , opublikowany 26.12.24