who are u when nobody's looking?
not even urself.
who are u in ur dreams?
the ones u don't remember.
who are u behind closed door?
with cameras off and no script, no future judgement. ur not creating to share.
who are u when u don't think?
just flow.
who are u when u don't have to
rhyme, keep a rhythm?
who are u when u don't have to
be a certain way? just be however u are.
who are u when nobody's gonna tell u
it's bad or good or beautiful or weird or fuck off?
who are u when nobody has ever told u
"don't be this and that coz it's bad and im gonna punish u for it"?
There's a subtle difference between adapting as an extension of who we are (e.g. saying what we need, but in a way that might be more polite as opposed to simply demanding; with polite but firm insisting if we're facing denial, potentially with providing an explanation if the person is actually having troubles understanding why we need the thing we're needing)
and covering ourselves up and putting on a clothing to pretend we're somebody else [even in front of ourselves] (e.g. ignoring our needs for the sake of avoiding negative reactions from others, or in front of ourselves to avoid discomfort).
Bycie sobą to nie tylko opcja sztywnych granic i agresywnego sposobu bycia, bo inaczej "porzucamy siebie" i poddajemy się zewnętrznym presjom. Między tymi dwiema skrajnościami — agresywnością i pasywnością — istnieje zbalansowane podejście: asertywność. A więc adaptowanie się ale tak by wciąż zaspokajać swoje potrzeby; a nie porzucanie swoich potrzeb i całkowita uległość.
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Solitude. Taking a break from the society, because it's mentally ill and full of inflammation. Distancing oneself from the cancer and the dramas; discovering oneself, finding one's voice, becoming normal (= intellectually healthy). Maybe a bit detached from what's going on; so what, can make up for it, however is relevant for you.
Society demonizes taking a breather. It expects you to constantly be involved in it. It's rude to isolate, take time for yourself. It's being a "bad friend/caregiver/partner/etc" to take a break from the relationship. It's bad not to grind all the time.
It's not just american culture: it's everywhere.
Humans are social animals. But the dose makes the poison. Too little socialising depresses one. Too much socialising burns one out and makes one blur in with the rest, lose his identity/his sense of self, lose sight of what HE is, what HE wants, what HE needs. One dissociates from himself, becomes numb; so numb he doesn't even feel that. Because society is a sea of influence. It's easy to lose sight of the shore if we get swept by the sea.
One creates and acts the most authentic when there's no one around to judge, and when he's been promised there will be no one in the future to see.
Our voice adapts, and part of that is authentic, but there are limits. When does your voice feel inauthentic? Plastic? Ostentatious? Meme-ic, borrowed, not-your-own? Too far from yourself? A repetition, a copy of somebody else?
When you socialise too much, you become a copy of all the humans you spend the most time with. Your real self becomes overshadowed. Adaptation becomes maladaptive. Socialising pulls out different aspects of you, but it also dims others. It's like with hardships: it's not hardships themselves that makes one grow — what makes one grow from hardships is emotional resilience. Without resilience, hardships break one, not grow one. It's not socialising that makes one grow, but a combination of that and boundaries, self-reflection. Without the latter, socialising makes one get lost, dependent in thinking, and burnt out on trying to fit in. Burnt out because the result is self-sabotage, not self-actualisation. One becomes an empty copy; fit in, but dead inside. A bag of off-the-shelf plastic, pretty to look at, blended in perfectly with the rest; no real flesh. A zombie. Individuality lost; failed the evolutionary task to self-actualize.
As a result, too much socialising also depresses; just via different factors.
You can only awaken once you go to sleep.
But it's your life. So you can do whatever the fuck you want with it.
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napisany pierwsza część 7.9.24, druga część 19.6.24; opublikowany 9.10.24
CZYTASZ
heart beats
Poetry~ poezje itp ~ w gruncie rzeczy, jesteśmy worami mięsa, kości, i flaków. ale w tym worze mieści się mózg, a mózg to wciąż niezbadana złożoność, która z prostego wora potrafi uczynić święty graal. the heart beats/heartbeats/heartbeat: serce bije, ser...
