heart beats

fleeting moments

autumn is a gem:

so short. so fleeting.

green trees, bare trees - half a year. but fall colors:

rare. literally a mere ~4% of the year.

you can take photos, record videos

but sensory detail will remain in the past.

the smell, the cool air...

and if you've missed out on it because you were distracted

it's gone. forever. nothing lasts.

but pain and regret

at deathbed, one day

that you didn't take life and enjoy it

more. that you let culture of rush and plastic pull you away

from the beauty of the moment

by moment

by moment

oh. another moment is gone.

flowers between thorns

breaths between sobs

rain among a drought

joy cannot be bought. it has to be found.

in the moment. the small, inconspicuous, fleeting moment

as another leaf falls to the ground

followed by dozens of raindrops

on a cool, overcast autumn morning

among the zooming cars and sighing buses

among the rushing feet and blind glances

among classes and work and exams and appointments and games and tv shows

we miss out on so much by not slowing down. rushing ourselves to death / till death comes.

and then we complain life's too short. bitch, it'll always be too short if u always RUSH. life's not too short; u just can't slow the fuck down and enjoy it properly. also, burnout culture is ill & makes us all ill.

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29.10.24 (opublikowany 1.11.24. which is a lovelyly (new word has just been made. dictionary, kindly update yourself) windy day :DDDDDDDDD im so happy).

i was in awe of the beautiful colors of the autumn leaves. an actual, literal, dictionarial awe.

it was awesome :D

[[[imagine this is a margin on a page, or the back of the notebook, or sth]]]

every year i can't believe we're finally here - and then

it's gone before it even fully registers, it feels. ._.

the fact that not all october days are overcast is a major cause: ambient light is the best to pull out the hues. meanwhile, sharp yellowness of the sun is just too harsh. it washes everything out and makes it look yellow and too bright to even see any colors. unfortunately, global warming - thanks, humans (not that i don't contribute. but still. and what many americans do, for example, is plain shocking: they be overusing their fucking ac to sit in hoodies in summer. *facepalm times infinity* dog save us all & just eat us alive. plz) - means it's only gonna get worse. at least we'll be able to save up on frying. 🍳 #TheBrightSide sometimes exists.

*checks off "complain abt sth" off the proper human's daily goals list* okay, 

back to enjoying pretty autumn leaves in full focus...

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btw, an update to the halloween essay i wrote yesterday:

• in the face of death, Halloween is like a reminder to enjoy life, to not take urself too srsly, to give in to the what's uselessly called "inner child" (uselessly bc it's human, not child-y. kids are only more unfocused in their curiosity, and more awed at everything bc they have little knowledge of how shit works. other than that, there's nothing special here abt an immature brain) and have fun. it's like: "mementos mori! so carpe diem! bc nothing lasts forever! including u!". like bon jovi sang, in his "it's my life" (one of the best songs between mercury and pluto).