Nervously, you stand outside of Kuroo's door, hesitant to knock. You're going to tell him. You're going to let him know the truth.
You just need the courage to go through with it.
Every time you try to, your hand freezes, and you loose control of your body. Fear completely paralyzes you. Finally, you squeeze your eyes shut and knock, cowering back in fear.
You hear the door open. "What are you doing here?"
Nervously, you open your eyes. "C- can we talk?"
"If you're here to beg me to come back to you, you should've dressed sexier." He takes a drink of his water.
Now a bit mortified, you snap back, "I'm here to explain why I left. If you don't wanna know, fine then. I just thought I owed you an explanation."
"And it took you five years to figure that out?"
"For your information, I was scared. Now do you wanna hear or not?"
"Okay, okay. Come in, Feisty Pants."
You follow him inside, shaking like a leaf. Now that it's come down to it, you're beyond terrified. It sounded so much easier on your head. It sounded possible.
"Sit down," he says as he plops down into his couch.
"N- no. I'd rather stand."
He shrugs. "Suit yourself."
"I- I didn't wanna leave you." You start to play with the sleeve of your shirt. "I didn't even know about it until the day of. My parents had arranged it all. Applied to the college, booked my flight, figured out living expenses--everything. I'd honestly planned to go to whatever school you were gonna go to, and if you weren't gonna go to a school, I'd have found something. But... it was already done. I was rushed into the plane, and I was off. I was half-tempted to call you in tears, but what would that have done? What could you have done? There was no way out. And just dropping out would look awful on my permanent record.
"When you started texting and calling, I wanted to answer. I wanted to tell you everything. But... I was afraid, and I knew that you deserved better. I left without any warning. I didn't have the right. And it's not like I ever deserved you to begin with. It'd be unfair to ask for some type of stupid, long-distance relationship when I didn't even deserve you by your side. Also, I couldn't really afford out-of-country communication. I was barely feeding myself a meal a day. And, finally, as shameful as it is... I was afraid to be the one let-down. I was scared that you would say you didn't want me anymore. I was being such a coward and I just ran away from my problems." A tear forms in your eye. "And I'm sorry for it."
"I won't run away anymore. I- I'll face you now. Say whatever. Yell. Scream. Say you don't want me. You can even hit me. I'd deserve it. My pride and fear put you through so much, and it wasn't fair. I only thought of myself, making excuses as to why I couldn't answer you. But, in reality, I was just running away. I'm so sorry. And I'm not asking for forgiveness, and I most certainly am not asking for you to take me back. I just thought you deserved an apology and to know the truth." You bow, keeping your head down as a couple tears fall to the floor.
"So you're telling me it was all just for nothing? That your pride is the reason that I've been suffering for five years?"
"Yes."
"I can't even- I can't even begin to understand. I thought- I really just thought you'd been angry with me... that if was my fault. But, come to find out, it was you. You were the problem."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that you'd blame yourself for five years. When you stopped trying to contact me, I really believed that you were over me."
"Over you? How was I supposed to get over you when I never had any kind of closure?"
"I know that it won't fix anything, but I am so, so sorry. I regret everything. I wish that I'd have faced you. It's all my fault and I know that. You have every right to be angry and-"
"Just shut up."
"..."
"I need time to think about this. Get out of here and stay away from me."
Not saying another word, you turn around and head for the door. The moment you're outside and it clicks into place, you burst into sobs. He'll never want you again. You screwed up and hurt him so badly. He's in pain because of you. How could you have let this happen? He deserves so much better.
You're the worse thing that ever happened to him.
-
You're in your office, typing up a draft for Takahashi. In the middle of it, you just loose it. It's been a week since you last talked to Kuroo, and you haven't stopped thinking about it. It's the fact that you hurt him. He's been in pain. And hearing that has just broken you.
You start to mutter, "I've officially lost him. I screwed up so bad. He's hurt, and it's all my fault. I'm the worse thing that ever happened to him." You hold your head in your hands, crying into them. "I miss him so bad."
Out of nowhere, you're pulled out of your chair and into a chest. Big arms are around you, holding you tightly. What feels like a chin rests on the top of your head, and your scalp feels little droplets landing on it gently.
"I'm here," says the one holding you. "You never lost me."
"Kuroo-Kun?"
"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I- I was just so angry and- but I don't- I don't want you to stay away. I don't even want you to leave. Don't ever leave me again."
"How could you want me back? I don't deserve that."
"Just shut up. Stop saying that how I felt was in vain." He pushes your body away from his, and you see how red his eyes are. Still, he holds your face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "You're even pretty when you cry."
You choke on a laugh. "I look like a mess, don't I?"
"A cute mess." He taps your nose.
You notices his eyes drifting down a bit, and before you get the chance to ask what he's staring at, he's already leaning in to kiss you. Your second kiss. It's so precious.
Tears rolling down your cheeks, you press in, deepening it. He grabs your hips and turns you around, pushing you into the desk. You start to bring your hands up to hold his face, pulling him in closer. Carefully, he sits you onto the desk, breaking contact to breathe for a few moments.
Then, he goes back in, not quite done. You don't want it to be over, either. You've only dreamt of this.
"ARE YOU TWO GETTING BACK TOGETHER?!?!?!"
Breaking contact, you and Kuroo turn your heads to find Takahashi standing in the doorway, grinning ear-to-ear. Before you, Kuroo answers, "We never officially broke up. I'm just finishing what I started."
Blushing, you hide your face. You idiot... you're embarrassing me... I'm at work."
"Okay, okay." The older man holds his hands up defensively. "I'll give you two some privacy~" The door clicks, and you hide your face in his chest.
"Idiot... I'm at work, y'know."
"Like you were complaining."
"We'll resume once I'm off. Sound good?"
He sighs. "Fine. Fine. Whatever."
