Not A Bad Thing (Book One)

Part 2 - Chapter 35

35 - Miserable

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"Why are you acting like you are the victim here?" His eyes fired at me. I tried getting away from him but his arms tighten around my body. He don't wanna let me go.

"Palayain mo na 'ko." Umiiyak kong pakiusap. I can see that he is really a beast right now, I wanna calm him down but I don't think I have that power anymore.

Tumawa siya ng pagak. He looked up for a while and flashed a mocking smirk on me.

"Why the fuck are you crying huh? Are you trying to make me feel guilty? It's my damn fault right now? Kasalanan ko pa?" Sumisigaw na siya at napapikit ako sa gulat. Pakiramdam ko ay naririnig na rin sa labas ang pagtatalo namin.

"'Wag kang sumigaw." He's biting his lips so hard. He is fuming mad and I dont think he has a plan to stop himself this time. "Tama na, hindi mo kasalanan. It's my fault. Kasalanan ko lahat. Kung galit ka, maiintindihan ko. Kung maghihiwalay tayo ayoko na sa ganitong paraan." I breathe sharply. 

"Hubby, I don't wanna give you up. Sino ba namang babae ang gustong isuko ang taong mahal niya? I love you. I love you so much that it hurts loving you... I have to stop. Kasi itong puso ko, pakiramdam ko nagmamakaawa na siya sa akin na tigilan na. Sobrang sakit na hubby. Kung hindi mo na siya kayang alagaan, tapusin na natin." I don't know how I'm able to say these things when I'm crying so hard. I can't even breathe properly. Nanlisik pa lalo ang mga mata niya sa galit.

"Well fuck you! I'll fucking say that hundred times in your face because you deserve it! You fuckin' deserve it! After what you've done, you're acting like I've done you so much damage? That's not fuckin' enough! That's not it. I want to make you suffer more than what you did to me!" He gritted his teeth.

He is not my hubby anymore. My hubby won't bloody shout in my face. He will never cursed at me. He will never wished anything bad to happen to me. Maybe he is just so angry to that he forgot or maybe he is really not my hubby anymore.

"Una pa lang, alam mo ba na alam ko na ikaw na. Ikaw lang ang lalaking mamahalin ko. You are the man of my dreams. Hindi lang kita bestfriend at boyfriend, you're my knight and shining armor. Kapag kasama kita alam kong safe ako, na hindi mo ako papabayaan. Na papatawarin mo ako kahit anong magawa kong kasalanan. I even dreamed of you as my future husband and then we'll build or own family. 'Di ba gusto mo rin 'yun? " I started talking again. I want to say everything. This might be the last time so I want him to know.

"Alam ko noon na mahal mo ko nang higit sa buhay mo. When you said that you will die for me, I knew that I will die for you too. I think were perfect together. Akala ko tayo na talaga. Gusto ko kasi ikaw lang habang buhay pero 'di ba, hindi naman ibig sabihin na gusto kitang makasama na ikaw na talaga. Paano pala kung ayaw mo na?" I wiped my tears. "You gave up." I whispered.

"Sobrang sakit. Bakit ganun? Hubby kasi nararamdaman ko na ayaw mo na. Ayaw mo na yata talaga. Ayoko ng ganito. Sobrang sakit na. Kung wala na talaga, please let me go. Let my heart heal, kahit mahirap, baka kayanin ko rin. 'Di ba sabi mo I'm a brave girl? Kakayanin ko 'to, basta sabi mo, maniniwala ako."