[TAENYFic] PASSIONATE PASSIONS

182>Be the mature one

Like all other dramas happens, Taeyeon stood right outside of the entrance to their dorm, although with the door closed, she heard each and every single words that Jessica said to Sunny, crystal clear enough. Anger? Wondering? Surprised? Shock? Yes, all of these emotions are playing right through Taeyeon's mind right now, but basically, she herself felt- blank. Like, she can't even make a choice of how she should feel right now. After all these years? Living together for so long, they literally grow from teenagers to young adult and now, adults together. How can one keep such secret for so long?
"Let me go get my pouch" Sunny slaps her own forehead, remembering she left her pouch in Jessica's room seeing both her own hands were free, she headed straight to the room.
"Hmm. I'll wait for you in the van then"
"OH" Sunny's shouted from her room.
With a broken smile, Jessica heads out, opening the door, she retreated back a step, her eyes opening wide, her lips slowly opens apart, her breath hitched, no words coming out from her mouth, no quick getaway explanation coming into her mind right now. She's stuck. Although Taeyeon is just right in front of her, but the look from Taeyeon's eyes were distance, she might seems like she was looking right back at Jessica, but it's just the body there. Jessica gulps.
"T-tt-taeng?"
Is as though lightning has just strike her in the head, it took her a few seconds, to finally sighs as she breathe, her eyes started blinking again in response to Jessica's calling, she forcefully play a fake smile on her face, "It's rather cold, I've got to get my jacket" Taeyeon step passed Jessica, wanting to head straight to her room.
"Taeyeon. Wait"
Taeyeon stops in her tracks but she didn't even bother to turn around, "Yes, I've heard every single conversation between you and SoonKyu" she then left to her room afterwards saying so. Not a few seconds when Taeyeon went into her room, Sunny came out with her white pouch, she smile seeing Jessica by the door.
"Palli" she just assumed that Jessica had waited for her by the door, linking their arms together, she drags Jessica out from the dorm and head straight to the basement car park where their manager oppa is waiting for them.

After the mini meeting with their managers about their schedule for 2014, the rest returns back to their home. Taeyeon took off her brown jacket and place it at the end of her bed, she sat on the edge, her mind was still bothered by the fact that Yuri once had or maybe still having crush on Tiffany. But it angers her even more to learn that all these time whenever that Yulsic had an argument, she was innocently being pointed out as one of the reasons why the argument even start. Violently being hit by Yuri, Taeyeon's eyes flares with anger when it reaches to that part.
This is not fair! She throws all kind of blames on me and as a matter of fact, she did have a crushed on Tiffany before, my Tiffany!
Taeyeon rubs her forehead hard, enough to predict a headache is heading to her soon.
I can't go punching her in the guts when she's back from Milan, Tiffany would kill me for doing so and that is not a reasonable way to solve a problem either, we are both 25, ugh- I need to seriously find a way to settle this out.
Jessica joins Taeyeon in the room, though is awkward for them both, but Jessica knows she has the need to solve things out before it goes worse and the girls are coming back from Milan tomorrow. Looking at Taeyeon who is clearly still thinking about it, she doesn't even know where and how to start, "Hey..." she calls out softly, "I think we need a talk"
"Go ahead" Taeyeon scratches her eyelids.
Jessica took a seat right next to Taeyeon, "That crushed was way long before-"
"When"
"Maybe I was wrong! It might not even be a crush, maybe is just admiring"
"Don't change the subject"
Jessica gulps.
"After....Run Devil Run era?" Jessica sighs, "I think?"
"How did you know?" Taeyeon looks at Jessica through squinted eyes.
"I saw her diary. I got interested and read it...she writes about Tiffany, the way she expresses it..." Jessica's voice trails off, she's wondering if she should continue on.
"Made you think she has a crush on Tiffany" Taeyeon completed Jessica's unfinished words.
Jessica nods her head.
"Taeng. What I'm trying to say is-"
"Don't get uptight about it, is just a crush, probably not even a crush but just admiration and most importantly, it was in the past and I shouldn't care about it"
Jessica nods her head cutely, smiling, glad that the leader understands on the situation.
"I care because I trusted her, as a member, as a sister and as a friend"
Jessica's face fall.
Taeyeon sighs.
"Is the diary still in her room here?" Taeyeon ask curiously.
"I don't know...I've seen it few years ago, it was kind of on the finishing page when I found it, I doubt she continues using it..." Jessica fiddles with her fingers.
"You know how it looks like right?"
"Taeng"
"I just want to know"
"Yes"
"Find it with me" Taeyeon gets onto her feet, "Or else, when she gets back from Milan, she'll find her bed upside down and her room in a mess"
Jessica mentally curses herself.
"Do we really have to, Taeng?"
Mentally cursing herself in the heart for causing this, Jessica kept looking through the cupboard. Shelf after shelves. While Taeyeon ransack through the other side of the room. Jessica let her index finger run through the books that Yuri placed in the shelf, her index finger stops on one of the familiar looking book, she pulls it out, her eyes widen. For a second there, she hesitated, she turn around to still find Taeyeon busy looking through the boxes.
This might get seobang into trouble – Jessica.
Her mind was cut off short when the black diary was being snatched off from her hands.
"Thank you" Taeyeon briefly walks to Yuri's bed, as she opens the book, she sat on the bed.
"Taengoo. Are you sure about this?"
"I know what I'm doing" Taeyeon continues to flip through the pages, looking for the page that Jessica had seen and knew the crushed that Yuri had. The book is thick and the first few pages were nothing but about Yuri's daily life and goals.
Damn, maknae must've brainwashed Yul's brain~
"If so, I'll catch up with you tomorrow, Taeng...my parents are waiting for me for dinner"
Taeyeon just nods her head in reply as she focus fully throughout the pages.

Today was a normal day, after debuting our latest concept, Run Devil Run, I bet many sones were surprised by our bad side of concept kkkkk ^^ diary ahh, today I found out something, Tippani was a great girl, she wasn't only my best buddy but I admire her determination! We started our practice at 6pm till late night 1am, she stayed back for another hour just to practice and polish her moves. I saw her dancing in the studio, sweating from forehead to toe, she looks flustered, looks like she was running out of breath soon, but she never give up. Though she can never be the best dancer in So Nyuh Shi Dae but she is definitely the best in putting most effort into it. She's amazing J

Sometimes, it felt like Ssica was just being with me because she feel like so, does she even love me? Thinking of this brings tears to my eyes, Tippani caught me wiping my tears away, she didn't ask further but came over and gave me a comforted hug. I know if I was being asked what happened, I wouldn't up so fast and easily, Tippani truly understands me well. I hope Ssica would forgive my raging words that I didn't even mean it to direct it towards her. I miss her being with me now.

I do not know why I am writing this, but I feel like too. I came across Tippani crying again, hiding herself at one corner behind the bathroom doors. Few months ago, she gave me the comforted hug and what I can do now is to give her one back. From the way she hugged so tightly against me, I can tell, she is awfully hurt this time by that cruel midget. They've been together for years, is their 3rd year I think and yet that midget always somehow brings up the same old topic to argue about again and again =.= I think this time she said something that hurts Tippani real bad, she can't seems to stop crying and sobbing, it looks like an asthma attack is about to strike her, but luckily, it didn't. After squatting down with no words in between us for 45 minutes, Tippani finally slows down on her crying mode, I sat beside her just in case if she ever need me again, she told me she's in pain when I look at her, I got worried, I misunderstood her meaning and I forced her to get out from the bathroom right away to follow me to the closest hospital, she held my arm and correct me, it was a pain that not even a high degree doctor could cure this pain. Then I got what she meant. I told her if she had enough, she should let it go. She said she can't and never think she will be able to but at the same time, she is tired of same old arguments. I do not understand her, if she's in pain, why keep on holding onto this relationship, then she told me : "To love is to accept, pain is so much bigger than love, but love can keep growing" she held my hand and I held hers back, she said to me, not to give up on Ssica no matter how big the fight it is in between us. She's right.

Taeyeon laid her head on her pillow behind her, she licked her lips.
So all this time, Tiffany had been putting a straight tough face on whenever we caught up in some argument, she always seems like the calm one, the total opposite of me whenever we fight...cornering herself in the bathroom to hide herself to cry....how come I have never come to know any of that?
Taeyeon was fighting herself to whether or not if she wants to continue to keep finding any diary of Yuri's about Tiffany. What if Tiffany told Yuri some secret, some secret that even Taeyeon herself doesn't want to know, and would that ruin their relationship?
Ssica and I had the 10th fight this week and yet again, I caught her admiring Taeng again, same old thing. I am actually getting sick of it. What has the midget got that I do not have? Whenever I was trying to be sweet and all, Ssica would say, "Did you see what Taengoo did to/for Tiff today" but I wanted to so ask her, did she even realize half the things I was trying to do for her?
If I do ask so, we will probably get into another fight and I don't want that. Sometimes, I wished Ssica could be a little more understanding like Tippani. Cute and sweet. Ssica does that, but rare, but that is what I love about her, she's real...is just that...she is not the only one who can admire another couple, I do too! Tippani sometimes stayed up late just to wait for that midget to come home from JeonJu. She tries cooking breakfast even though she was extremely tired and extremely bad in cooking, but she bought a cook book and tries and tries but never once has she ever succeed on giving one of her cook to Taeng. After cooking, she tries her food, it tasted bad I guessed, based on her reaction HAHA but being Tiffany Hwang, the girl knows wasting food is not in her or hers family dictionary, so she clear up the whole plate to herself. I asked her why not give Taeng the food, that midget was head over heels for her and I believe and would be willing to bet the entire savings of my life that the midget would eat it no matter how bad it is.
Guess what.
Tippani said, "I'm not a perfect girlfriend for her, I've hurt her too often, I want to be at least something good, something that she could happy with and relay on...if I can't even succeed on one simple dish, what more can I do?" Silly girl, will she ever learn, she was the best herself? Because Tippani used to date boys in the past, Taeng seems to be upset about that. I understand on that part too, any lover can act that way, jealous, angry...but Taeng needs to learn that it was all in the past...but sometimes, it was the past that ruin us, the ones in the future. Is not that I can't accept the fact that Ssica once had a crush on Taeng, but the fact is that, she can't even let go of her past until today, how is that ever fair to me? I know she's trying, but is she really trying to try her best, or she's just saying?
Words are nothing if it's just said and not done, action doesn't just speaks louder, it works better that way.

The next page had gotten Taeyeon's attention.

What if Tippani is my girlfriend instead?

Shock.
Taeyeon immediately shut the book and threw it aside. Then she starts thinking, has she given thoughts about what if Jessica was her girlfriend. Taeyeon shakes her head.




*****




Even when the girls were back from Milan, Taeyeon acted normal, she didn't mention about anything to Yuri or her girlfriend and luckily, Jessica was smart enough to read through her expression and her doings, the princess didn't mention anything about it either. They were sitting in the living room, Taeyeon on the floor, while Yuri leaning sideways on the couch, watching tv and talking to Tiffany who was basically planting kisses all over Prince.
"Seems like you missed the dog rather than that duck there" Yuri uses her toes to point to Taeyeon's direction. Tiffany caught Taeyeon half pouting, looking at her direction but was dazing off. She giggles. It snaps Taeyeon off from her zoning out point, "Yah yah, let's take a picture of you with Prince" Yuri grabs whichever phone that was closes to her, Taeyeon's iPhone.
Tiffany poses for the pictures.
"Wahhhh, sexy ppani!" Yuri chuckles and Taeyeon immediately looks at her, "Your strap is definitely enough to get the likes" Yuri jokes, Tiffany sticks her tongue out, she gave Prince another kiss then let the dog runs off, surprisingly, is as though Prince knew Taeyeon was down, he went to climb on top of Taeyeon's crossed legs and lay down quietly. Automatically, Taeyeon's fingers begin to run through Prince's silky white fur, the dog seems to be enjoying the rub he was getting.
Taeyeon looks at Prince in the big black pupil eyes, he was so cute that she smile instantly when he lick her nose, taking her phone back in her hands, she turn on the camera apps and change it to the front view, Prince was cute, cuddly and lovely towards her and she thinks it was cute to share this to their fans. There she got it, Prince showering her with licks of love. At one point, she jutted her lips, ready to return one kiss for Prince, or maybe more than one but-
"YAH! HAJILMA!" Tiffany warns.
The 14seconds video ended after that, Taeyeon looks at Tiffany, "Euh?" but Yuri's chuckles made her mood change from curiosity to slightly offended. Tiffany got up from her position and joins Yuri at the couch, she carries Yuri's legs up and place it on hers. The two was being extremely close ever since the Milan trip. Even during their latest performance in the concert during their song, 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You', Yuri back hugged Tiffany and wanted to kiss Tiffany, if it wasn't for the pictures she was being tagged in Instagram, she wouldn't have realised.
She remembers the promise between her, Tiffany and their manager oppa. That too much skinship and obvious signs on stage under watch by the fans are off limits, so Taeyeon had learned to obtain her wanting to hug her girlfriend too when 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' was blasting in the concert hall, she wants people and especially Tiffany herself to know, this songs suit her feelings. But she can't, so she finds it rather unfair for her, when other members could do so.
"Where's Gin, Tae?" Tiffany ask with no interest in her expression, she wasn't even looking at Taeyeon when she asked so.
"Back with my family. He fought with Prince the other day for food...so I think is best to separates them for awhile" Taeyeon answers.
"Is best to separate you and Tippani for awhile to you know" Yuri gives a dirty look at Tiffany, whom Taeyeon has missed it but was highly pissed off by what Yuri said.
"Here"
Taeyeon got up so suddenly that the two laughing girls stop at once and look at her in shock. Then, she left the room for the two to be alone. Prince yap once after Taeyeon left as if it to call her comes back and rubs his belly more, but Tiffany threw a toy to him to distract him.
"Did I go too far?" Yuri ask, feeling guilty.
Tiffany shrugs her shoulders, "Let me talk to her first" quickly, she went after her girlfriend.

"TaeTae, is there a problem out there?"
Tiffany ask as soon as she steps into their room, closing the door behind her, Taeyeon is already lying on the bed, quiet. Tiffany climbs onto bed and kneel right next to Taeyeon, around her waist level.
"You said we need to separate for awhile, so I gave space, what is the problem?"
"I did not say that and Yul was joking" Tiffany explain, feeling slightly hurt on how Taeyeon could think she would say so, the least thing she would ever wants was to be separate apart from Taeyeon, even if it's just for awhile, she doesn't wants to.
"Why can't I kiss Prince?"
"Tae. When we always got home, you'll give me a kiss, but today, you didn't....so I was a bit jealous there...."
I HAD ENOUGH! I KEPT LONG ENOUGH!!
Taeyeon sits up, she starts kissing Tiffany without any signs, she didn't take it all slow or sweet this time, she acted as though she was in a hurry, her hands were already busy, unbuttoning a few top buttons of Tiffany's shirt, enough for her to slide both sides all the way down to her waist, leaving it hanging there, then next, she slip those black straps all the way down, leaving them hanging around Tiffany's elbows.
Tiffany had no idea why Taeyeon is acting so rough, but she doesn't want to displease Taeyeon, not especially when she guess Taeyeon is having a bad mood thinking she was insulted by Yuri's remark, so she tries her best to keep up with their sloppy kiss. Taeyeon was so rough in their kiss that at times, her tongue would just lick right out of the corner of Tiffany's mouth then slipping back in, deep throat Tiffany with her tongue.
Taeyeon pushes Tiffany down on her back, her mouth was just right outside in the centre of the dark maroon pants that Tiffany is wearing, their heavy breathings were the only sounds that could be heard right now. Slowly, she retreated and lay on the side of her bed, trying to compose her breathing, steady them if she could, she's being loud now, louder than Tiffany, who is beside her, wondering why Taeyeon start and stop so abruptly.
"TaeTae" Tiffany sat up, her right hand on Taeyeon's tummy, she gives gentle sensual strokes, "Something is seriously bothering you and is not just those words that Yul joked about-"
"I saw the diary" with every breath that she saved, she manages to finally say it out.
"What diary? My diary?"
"No. Yuri's"
The hand on Taeyeon's tummy stopped moving, "How-"
Taeyeon knows she can't fully tell what really happened, or else, Jessica will get a bit of Tiffany and maybe Yuri in the end, "I was in her room the other day and just so happens, this book fall off from its shelf, I took it, curiosity got me, so....I read it"
Tiffany always squints her eyes as small as possible whenever she starts doubting about things that one person tells her, now she's doing it to Taeyeon, "You're telling me, that a book, a diary, randomly just so happens to fall if off from the shelf itself and you are telling me to buy it? Tell me this place is haunted I might even give it a chance!" Tiffany snaps, she slide her bra straps back up on her shoulders, wearing her clothes back, "This is ridiculous Tae! Why would you read someone else diary!? To even ransack people's belonging, that is what I call interfering people's privacy! And I HATE THAT" she half yell at Taeyeon but at the same time, trying to find the reason why her girlfriend did so.
"Why"
"What why! I don't know why! Okay! I just did" Taeyeon snaps back, she knows she's wrong and she never think of fighting for herself, but she don't get it why is Tiffany being so mad right now.
"And what"
"What do you mean what.....?"
"What's the point you're telling me this? Oh, so you're telling me now you've got a new hobby or interest that is called nose poking into other people's diary!?"
Taeyeon jump off from the bed, "SHE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU OKAY! THAT'S WHAT KEPT ME READING!!!"
".....No....You must've got it all wrong....It can't be-" then flashes images of where in Milan, Yuri tried kissing her, flashes in her mind, she shakes her head, she trust her best friend in Girls Generation.
"SO YOU'RE CALLING ME A LIAR NOW!?"
"Why are you shouting at me!"
"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED IT!"
"...."
The two was interrupted when their door suddenly burst open, of course, it was no other than Kwon Yuri herself at the door, looking at Tiffany with worries then at Taeyeon.
"You guys okay? I can hear you guys all the way from outside....."
Yuri took another step in when she saw Tiffany tears already running down her face, but she was hesitant because Taeyeon on the other side, at the end of the bed, at the other corner, eyeing her every move. With no words, Taeyeon left the room. Yuri headed straight to the bed, her arms open wide when Tiffany leaps into it. She hugs the girl tightly.

Sitting at the balcony, trying to cool her head off with the chilly wind at night. She was wondering what was going on right after she left the room, but of course, she can't just go back to the room like a sore loser to see what's going on isn't it. The second Yuri came in, Taeyeon felt both pissed and sorry at the same time, is true, Tiffany is right, she has invaded Yuri's privacy.

"She told me" Yuri started, "Frankly, I am mad at you...is shameful of what you did, as a friend, as a member, as a leader-"
Taeyeon slowly looks at Yuri.
"....BUT, I am at fault too...I should've been more brave, grow more guts, to tell you-"
"No. This is your own secret, there was no MUST in this situation. I made a mistake based on my curiosity..." Taeyeon stare out in the dark skies, "But you know what, you have got to stop blaming all those arguments between you and Jess was me...she had a crush on me, you had a crush on Tiff...you're almost the same as her, don't you think"
"Are you actually siding her?"
"I had done enough of avoiding her, causing so much unnecessary pain for her...you don't need to add salt to wounds-"
"We broke up...so, we won't argue about it anymore, no worries"
"I know, she told me...the look in her eyes told me she was still healing from it"
Yuri sighs quietly, "I still see her as my Jessica...when she isn't, she's not one of those old ex girlfriends I had, broken and forget..."
"Why didn't you go after her?"
Yuri smiles and took one of the vacant chairs at the balcony, "Sometimes, even though you really love that person very much, you don't have to be with her, just having to be able to see her happy, makes you happy enough"

It was passed midnight, Taeyeon look at the clock, it shows it's almost 2am, she switched the television off, knowing and sure of that Tiffany is already mostly asleep, Taeyeon decide to just sneak in, that way, it will be easier and also less awkward. Walking into the room, the bed lamp was still on, it only shows how puffy red those eyelids were even though they were closed.
In between TaeNy, Taeyeon was of course the dominant one mostly in this relationship, is not because she acts like a boy or whatever but is because, Tiffany is much more on the clingy side, weaker, she gets hurt easily, much more easily..so fragile.
Taeyeon slide into the blanket, she pulled herself closer towards the sleeping Tiffany who in the end stirred up to awake.
"Tae" her sleepy voice cracks as she cuddles closely towards Taeyeon's chest, nestling her face hidden in Taeyeon's chest, giving a chance for Taeyeon to kisses her on the crown of her head on the hair, "I love you" her voice softly trails off, it was more than enough to make Taeyeon smile secretly, kissing her twice more on the head, rubbing Tiffany's back with her palm.
And then she whispers back, "I love you more" Taeyeon hugs Tiffany tighter, her left leg draping over Tiffany's waist, their body to one, "Sorry love" she whispers softly, she was sure Tiffany heard her, since the sleepy latter lazily nod her head, another small action that makes her smile.




*****




Somehow, some reason, they remained the same position throughout the entire night. Neither one wants to change the position anyway. Waking up, Tiffany unhide herself, her face from Taeyeon's chest, soft snoring answers to Tiffany's question, her girlfriend is still asleep.
Softly grabbing a fistful of Taeyeon's shirt in her fist, Tiffany pulls the fabric closer to her nose as she inhales Taeyeon's baby scent, a smile played on her face as she cutely leans the side of her face to Taeyeon's chest, listening to the soft rhythm heartbeat. Tiffany then look up to capture the beautiful moment of the living human right next to her, sleeping so soundly.
Taeyeon's face was soft and all, Tiffany had her finger slowly tracing the soft skin against her fingertips, she smiles and hides her giggles when Taeyeon wince once her fingertips bypass the bridge of her nose, the leader finally wakes up, smiling as she does.
Tiffany was about to remove her intruding finger away from Taeyeon's face, not until when the latter was even faster than her, grabbing her hand, pulling it towards her lips, kissing it softly.
"Morning"
"Morning Taeyeon"
They are smart enough to not mention anything about last night, it will be all sorry and stuffs, same old boring thing. They want nothing to ruin their beautiful morning.
"Yeoja Chingu..." Taeyeon started with, causing Tiffany to burst out giggling for the sudden straight forward calling, "Can I have a request?"
"Ne?"
"Make me breakfast, no wait...let's make it together?"
"N-now....so sudden? I'm not prepared..." Tiffany looks at Taeyeon with concern.
"When we're together, we'll try not to let anything goes wrong" Taeyeon smiles with hope.
"Araseo, Namja Chingu" Tiffany imitates in return.
The two went hand in hand into the kitchen, one prepare the ingredients, while Tiffany begin heating up the pan over the stove. Taeyeon walks to the fridge to get a couple of eggs out, it just so happens when Tiffany turns around and look at her, their eyes met, smiles comes upon on their faces.
"Ooooh, your eyes, your eyes, makes the stars looks like they're not shinning" Taeyeon suddenly begins to sing, causing Tiffany to be surprise with the sudden singing. But Taeyeon just kept on singing.
She stood behind Tiffany and slightly turns Tiffany around, so the American girl is facing the pan, "When I see your face....there's not a thing that I would change, cos you're amazing, just the way you areeeeeee" Taeyeon's voice vibrates softly at the side of Tiffany's ears.
Tiffany smiles shyly as Taeyeon uses her hand to grab her hand to hold the frying pan to cook those eggs, Taeyeon steps aside, "And when you smile.....my whole world stops and stare for awhile, cos you're amazing, just the way you are..." Taeyeon took a step forward and gave a peck on Tiffany's lips.