One shots

Tom Hiddleston 3

*Sorry if this is a little sad....warning for mention of cutting*

"Tom! I'm home!" I called as I walked in the door of the apartment I shared with my boyfriend. When he didn't answer, I got a little concerned. I walked up around the apartment calling for him. Each time he didn't answer, I got more and more worried. I was on the verge of having a panic attack when I finally found him in our bedroom. "Tom." I said with a sigh of relief. I made my way over to where he was sitting on the bed. He looked up at me. I started to walk a little faster when I saw that he was on the verge of crying.

"(Y/n)." He said softly. "Why didn't you tell me?" I looked down to his lap and froze when I saw the collection of papers. I knew what they were. A collection of drawings, stories, and just ramblings from the days when I hit rock bottom. I knew what was in there. I knew what he had found the second I saw the stack of papers. His hands shook and the paper he was holding was clear. It was written in red ink. I had written it the week I lost someone close to me. Someone I loved. I knew exactly what it was.

"Tom." I breathed out. I didn't know what to say to him. "That was a long time ago." I whispered. Tom stared at me. He was breathing heavy, trying his hardest not to cry. I knew that feeling all too well.

"That doesn't change what you wanted to do." He replied. I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to talk about how I had wanted to cut. I didn't want him to ever find out I had been that way. He was always so happy and positive and he was the guiding light in my life. I hadn't felt that way since I had met Tom. I hadn't needed to think about those things. Not for a long time.

"I know it doesn't change it. But it's in the past. Things are different now. I'm different now." I said. Tom looked away from me shaking his head, as if the sight of me would bring him any closer to shedding tears.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He asked, his eyes coming back to mine.

"Because I didn't want you to find out." I finally said. Tom narrowed his eyes.

"Didn't want me to find out?" He breathed out. "Didn't want me to find out?!" His voice steadily rose and I tried to hold my ground. "And what were you going to do if I did find out?"

"I figured if you ever found out it would be too late for me to do anything about it." I said. It was harsh and mean and I knew it but it was the truth. I had only planned on Tom ever finding out if I had relapsed and it was too late for me to do anything about it. I never planned on him finding those papers. Tom looked away quickly and he looked like he was going to scream. "It's harsh and mean but it's the truth Tom. I never wanted you to find out. I wanted to protect you from that part of me."

"Protect me?!" He cried out. "Protect me?! And what am I supposed to do to protect you? How was I supposed to know that I had to help protect you from your own mind?" I bit my lip. I didn't realize he would be this upset about it. "Some of the things I read....." he trailed off shaking his head again. I saw the tear run down his face. "(Y/n), if you had just told me. Those things....it scared me." He finally looked at me in the eyes again.

"Scared you?" I asked, tears of my own falling now. Not much scared Tom.

"Yes. They scared me." He breathed out as he slowly walked over to me. He knew I was nervous whenever he got upset. He gently hugged me when he reached me.

"Why did they scare you?" I asked. My buried my face in his chest and held onto him tightly.

"They scared me because it showed me how close I came to losing you before I even had the chance to meet you." Tom whispered into my hair. "I almost didn't get a chance to meet you. To fall in love with you. To be with you." I felt my hair get wet from his tears.

"Tom." I breathed out.

"I love you (y/n). I never wanted to think about a world without you. You are my world. And in those papers....." his breath hitched and his body shook with the effort of holding in sobs. "I saw my biggest nightmare."

I pulled back from him and looked up at him. I gently took his face in my hands and wiped away his tears with my thumbs. I smiled softly at him.

"Tom you don't have to worry about any of that." I whispered.

"I don't?" He asked. He sounded like a child, asking if someone would stay with him to keep him safe from the monsters.

"No. You don't. You know why?" I asked. He shook his head no. "Because I have you." I simply said.

"I don't understand." He said. I leaned up and kissed him softly.

"Because you are my guiding light." I murmured against his lips. "You are always so happy and positive. It's rubbing off on me. You make me happy just by being happy and excited about something. You always cheer me up when I'm feeling down. I never have a reason to go back to that," I nodded towards the stack of papers on the bed. "because I have you to take away those reasons before they even happen." Tom looked at me with watery eyes as what I said registered. He nodded once.

"Ok." He said. He hugged me tightly again. "Ok."

There were a few minutes of silence where we just held each other. Then I broke it.

"How about we burn those?" I said as I broke away and walked to the bed. I picked up the stack of papers and waved them. Tom looked at me.

"You sure? You obviously kept them for a reason." Tom said as he walked over to me. I nodded.

"I kept them to remind me of how low I could get. But I don't need that anymore. Not when I have no reason to get that low anymore." I said as I handed the stack to Tom. He started at the papers that had been put in his hands.

"You want me to do it?" He asked. I nodded and put my hand on his arm.

"My reason for living should get rid of my reasons for not." I said. Tom looked from the papers to me and nodded.

"If that's what you want." He said. I smiled at him.

"It is." I said. Tom walked to our fireplace and lit it. He waited until it was steadily going before placing a third of the stack on the flames. He waited until they were almost completely ash before putting another third into the flames. He did it one more time before standing up and coming back over to me. He sat down on the bed and watched the flames dance. A few tears rolled down his cheeks. He finally looked up at me.

"I love you (y/n). I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure you never feel that way ever again." Tom said as he wrapped his arms around and pulled me close. He buried his head in my chest and I put my arms around his neck. I gently ran my fingers through his hair. I leaned my head down to rest it against him.

"I love you too Tom. Trust me. You won't have to work that hard." I said. I felt his arms tighten around me. "Just be you."