Pure; omegaverse

CHAPTER FOURTY NINE: NAMJOON

I pace inside the bathroom, rubbing my face hard as Jimin yells and beats on the bedroom door. God! I was so close to—
"What the hell is going on, Joon?"
I stop pacing to see Taehyung angrily glaring at me from the doorway. How the fuck did he get in?
Right. His house. Room keys.
I sigh and edge my way onto the tub. "I'm fucked, Tae. Really really fucked. I almost hurt him." My voice is barely audible. Nothing like the strong confident alpha I claim to be. Not at this moment anyway.
He hesitantly walks over and sits beside me. "Wanna talk?"
Shrugging, I drop my gaze to the floor, sweat still drying on my neck and forehead from such another vivid and aggressive dream—only this time Jimin was actually in my arms when I opened my eyes. It terrified me. So close. I was so so close...
"You two really have to fix this. I know Jin and Yoongi have been trying to talk to Jimin but I think you and him really need to sit down and truly express your needs. It's the only way."
I scoff, a bitter smile gracing my lips. "He doesn't want me to mate him. I honestly don't even think he likes me."
He laughs. "Are you serious?"
I nod, not laughing. "He's only with me out of convenience because he needed an alpha for his heat and the others were taken. I don't blame him, really." Shrugging.
     I don't. I get it. Suppose this is just karma but I honestly don't know what I did to deserve such an awful fate in life.
      I've always been a decent alpha and actually given a shit about others. That seemed to have backfired on me immensely, though.
      "Joon...come on. You two are fated—meant to be. Just like Jin and I. Just like Hoseok and his omega. It was no coincidence they came into our lives."
      "Yeah well maybe it's all wrong. Maybe the fates can't always be right. The four of you are perfect. Jimin and I...are just the odd balls out. I'm sure he feels that way, too. Just compelled to connect to me because of the others. Pressured. That night was just a convenience for the both of us."
      "You're stupid."
     Growling, I shove him. "No, I'm right. I'm gonna stay away from him from now on. It's better this way. I can't be tempted. He deserves better and I'm not going to ruin him by one stupid impulsive uncontrollable moment." I proclaim, serious and sure.
      He looks skeptical. "I think you should speak to Jimin about all this first."
     "Why? He won't talk to me."
     "Well maybe you two shouldn't have a choice. I'm going to tell Jin to bring Jimin in here and you two are going to really talk." He threatens.
     I roll my eyes and open my mouth to protest but he escapes before I can get out a word. I rub my neck and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look and feel...different. I feel like aged centuries in such a short amount of time.
      I can sense Jimin immediately when he comes into the bedroom and I hesitate to leave the safety of my bathroom. I'm not ready to face him yet. Not after what I almost did to him against his will.
      I can't get his tears out of my mind. So scared but wouldn't even fight me off...god...
     "N-Namjoon?"
     I wince at the timid and tired sounding omega. I'm so used to his spunk and sassy attitude. I don't like this shy scared side of him. Especially around me.
      I glance up to see him poking his head in, staring at me. "Yeah?"
      "Tae said you wanted to talk?"
      I groan. Of course the prick did. No, I really don't. "Yeah. I guess." Sighing, I get up and walk into the bedroom past him and sit down on the bed. I stare at my hands trying to keep solely focused on them.
       He sits down beside me and waits patiently. I wish he'd fucking talk. Give me something. "I'm sorry." I finally whisper after a long silence. "About earlier. I hope I didn't hurt you."
      He shakes his head. "I'm fine. I was a little shaken but you didn't hurt me."
      Nodding, I clear my throat. "You don't have to worry. I'm not going to mark you. Ever." I announce.
      I notice his head whip around to face me from the corner of my eye. "W-What?"
      "I think we both know we really aren't meant to be. You know it. I know it. Your true alpha is out there somewhere, Jimin, and I won't take that from you. You don't have to worry or feel guilty about it." I reassure, touching his knee and squeezing lightly. "Honestly."
      He flinches at my touch. Almost recoiling. "Why would you say that? Y-you're my alpha. It's not that I d-don't want to mate you...I'm just—"
      "Waiting on the right one. I get it. You don't have to front and pretend. I may be an alpha and you an omega but I know you're capable of making your own decisions. You were right to refuse to mate me before...you know...I'm sorry I took your first time from you, though." I frown, trying not to relive that magical wonderful lustful night.
      He scoffs, crossing his arms. "You don't know anything! I do want to mate you."
      "No you don't. At least not sub consciously. It's mostly why you are so scared of the mating process anyway. You have to admit to yourself that you're afraid it would be a mistake." I inform him clearly.
      He visibly gets angrier. "That's not it at all!" He scrambles over and into my lap, cupping my surprised face in his hands. "You can mate me right now! I know you're my alpha! I'm just stupid, okay?!"
      I hesitantly place my hands on his hips and move him gently off me. "Jimin...." I pause. "I think it's best we end this little charade between us. You can keep this bedroom, alright? I'll sleep in the cellar. I think it's better if we keep away from each other from now on. I don't want to hurt you and sometimes I might not be able to help myself."
      He gapes, pale and shaking as I gather my things and leave the room, walking determinedly towards the cellar while Taehyung shakes his head disapprovingly at me in the hall. I ignore him.
      Luckily the cellar is empty when I move inside and drop my things on the floor. I need some time alone.
     I lock myself in and lay down on one of the small beds Hoseok had already made up. I roll onto my side and try hard not to clutch my chest as a sudden sharp pain permeates through it.
      I'm making the right decision. We aren't mates. Not meant to be. It was just a mistake. A simple mistake. The others may be meant to be but Jimin and I just got caught up in a whirlwind of too fast emotions, hormones, and fourth wheel pandemonium. That's it.
      Now that the survival and dangers are lesser...its time to come back to reality and face the situation at hand. I made the right choice breaking it off with him—for him. I sincerely hope he does find the alpha he wants to mate him.
      And I'll be sure not to be around to stand in his way. Perhaps staying with Taehyung and Hoseok wasn't part of my long term goals anyway...