Pure; omegaverse

CHAPTER SEVENTY: JIN

There is a deafening silence that reverberates in the house nowadays. At least around me. Everything is different now. Changed so much from the happiness that was forming when we first arrived.
The only saving grace seems to be Jimin and Namjoon. I still don't forgive the alpha but seeing Jimin finally being taken care of and smiling makes me relieved.
Yoongi...Yoongi is cold. Distant to all of us. Holes himself up in his room and just...I don't even know. He shut us all out. I think he's mad at me the most. For not saving him. For not being good enough or strong enough to protect us. I'm the eldest of us so I should have been able to prevent this.
I'm selfish. I let my clouded vision of emotions for Taehyung blur everything and everyone around me. I was naive and intentionally oblivious.
I should have known.
My happiness it seems has slipped away completely. Taehyung has pretty much given up trying to appeal to me. He buries himself in work. Staying away for days at a time to avoid the awkward silence in our bedroom.
I still sleep beside him when he rarely comes back but I still can't look at him. It reminds me of my own failures. This is all my fault. I don't even think I'm mad at Taehyung anymore really. I just can't allow myself to forgive and forget like the others.
All my fault.
I'm tired and lonely. Everything hurts. My mind, my body. I've been drowning in depression and guilt. Neglecting myself and our pups. I don't deserve them. I obviously am not cut out to be a parent. I don't deserve them. Or Taehyung. Happiness.
A tear slides down my cheek but I don't bother to wipe it away. Instead I continue to stare up at the dark ceiling above me and count the seconds it takes to reach my ear. Four seconds.
Laughter comes from down the hall. Jimin. He's been really happy since he and Namjoon made up. I'm truly ecstatic for him.
Heavy footsteps stomp past the door followed by much softer steps. Hoseok and Yoongi. They are working on their relationship I assume but I don't see what the point is.
What's the point of anything anymore?
Unable to take another second of the dark silent room, I sit up and get off the bed. Putting my shoes and warm robe on, I open the balcony outside the bedroom that faces out into the forest. The very forest that started everything.
The first sight of Taehyung plays through my mind. Our instant connection. His soothing gentle touch. His passion and love for me...are now gone?
     The tears fall harder.  
    I wish I never gave into Jimin and Yoongi's whims to leave the sanctuary. I wish I never stepped foot into the forest. I wish I just followed the rules like a properly taught omega and...and...
      I just can't picture myself with another alpha. I can't see myself mating anyone but Taehyung. I was made for him—I know it. I can feel it. He was meant for me.
     The thought of letting another alpha take me and force an unwanted claim makes me sick. Another alpha touching me the way he has...I feel that had I stayed at the sanctuary my mating experience would have been much like Yoongi's at the beginning. Painful and sickening.
     Maybe it would have killed me. Or maybe the alpha would have killed me for being too weak.
     "Jin?"
     I don't turn around as footsteps run towards me and arms tug me away from the edge of the balcony back into the warm room. A shiver runs down my spine as I bury my face in Taehyung's chest.
      "Love, what's wrong? Why were you outside? It's not safe and cold. You could get sick—"
     "Tae." It's barely a whimper leaving my mouth.
     He pauses, pressing his cheek down on my head. I close my eyes and listen to his strong heartbeat. The heart that belongs to me. I'm so selfish. So unfair.
     "Jin, will you finally let me in and talk to me?" He pulls back a little and cups my face. His thumbs wipe my tears. "Why are you crying?"
     "I...I'm sorry." My voice cracks into a sob.
     His eyes bore into mine, staring right into my soul. "Don't be sorry." His kiss sears my icy lips yet I crave for it, for more. For his heat to burn through the cold inside me.
     I need him.
    As if reading my thoughts or just feeling the same way, he groans against my mouth and grips my butt, lifting me up into his arms. I cling to his neck and moan as he kisses down my jaw to my neck.
     Dropping me down on the bed, he holds my gaze hostage as he slowly begins unloosening his tie and unbuttoning the shirt.
      Biting my lip, I quickly remove my robe and throw it to the floor, shivering as the chilly air sleeps through my loose thin shirt to my skin. The only thing I'm wearing.
     Scooting closer, I help him remove his work clothes, tugging off his pants while he kicks off his shoes. His bare skin is hot against my touch. I look up into his face as he takes my wrists and pins them above me, slowly kneeling over me as I'm pressed to the mattress.
      My bare legs wrap around his hips as he falls on top of me and takes my lips roughly, grinding down against me making us both moan in pleasure.
     "You never cease to amaze me, love." He rasps breathlessly as I swallow his kisses.
     "Mhmm...h-how so..." I shudder as he sucks on my tongue, my nails clawing his shoulders. My hips arching up for more.
     He pauses, pressing his head to mine. His fingers trail lazily over my lips and cheek. "Tell me how much you need me."
      My body burns for him. "I n-need you."
     A growl builds in his throat. "Tell me you want me." His deep voice dark, commanding. Demanding.
     My lips tremble as his fingers leave my face to trail over my shirt, forcing it up over my chest. I heave for air as his tongue swirls over my sensitive nipples.   My thighs become wet. "I w-want y-you, Taehyung...alpha. I want you so much."
     He bites down onto my skin making me cry out. "Never shut me out like that again. You just might kill me." He growls, coming back for my lips.
     My eyes become damp. "I c-can't. It might just kill me first." I admit, on the verge of breaking down. I've missed him. Despite everything that happened...it's the past and we've all made mistakes.
      I can't say it's okay what he did but...I can't live without him. I know I can't. I'm weak. I'm weak for Kim Taehyung. He has me completely.
     His eyes darken as he takes me all in, his hands skimming all over my body as I attempt to stop crying. "P-please just...just love me. Never stop loving me. No matter what." I beg.
      For the first time, I see his own eyes glisten with tears. "I could never stop loving you, omega. You're the very reason for my existence. I need you to keep breathing."
      His words fill my cold heart with the warmth that I've been needing. Love swells in my every cell. "Good because I feel the same way."