Pure; omegaverse

CHAPTER SIXTY ONE: JIMIN

I'm hiding out in the back garden like I've been doing the last few days. With all the drama going on with Jungkook, no one has missed me. Jin is worried about Yoongi too much at the moment to care about my issues. I don't blame him.
He's really the only one that has any idea what I'm going through, though. Yoongi is busy with his mate and beta and Namjoon...well. Yeah.
I'm fine being alone, though. It's been good for me mentally, I think. Sometimes I wonder if maybe one day I shouldn't just walk out into the garden and just...keep walking. Would I be taken by other alphas or maybe be taken back to the sanctuary?
The latter is doubtful, though, since I'm no longer eligible for getting a mate. Even before Namjoon bit me...he's already taken my body during my heat so it wouldn't have mattered.
I glance up at the brightly lit sky, resting my knees against my chin. Curling up into a ball on the fenced in patio. I've been thinking a lot about what happened between Namjoon and I.
I overreacted and pressured him. It's my fault. He told me over and over again he didn't want to mate me. I know I was the first to say that but he cemented that certainty many times. I've ruined his future to ever getting a mate he might actually want.
I feel guilty and useless. I am useless. As an omega I can't really do anything for anyone. What's the point of even being here? Maybe if...something were to happen to me, my alpha would be able to break his bond with me and find happiness.
Let's face it, no one would miss me. And even if they did, by the time they actually noticed me missing...well. I'm not thinking irrationally, either. I've thought long and hard about my purpose here. The truth is...I don't really have one.
I can't make my alpha happy. I can't make any other alpha happy. I won't be reproducing pups so...what's left for me? I can't contribute to society in any other way. I'm just wasting space.
My eyes wander once more beyond the garden to the vast thick forest surrounding Taehyung's home. This really is a beautifully ideal place for Jin to raise his and Taehyung's pups. After the drama is over I'm sure Yoongi will think the same for Hoseok.
Namjoon might eventually leave and where does that leave me? Once again...useless, here wasting space. That's it.
"Tae, can you—" Jin's voice echoes as he opens up the patio door, pausing mid sentence, however, when he sees me. "Oh. Jimin. What are you doing out here? Are you okay?"
I stretch out my legs and sigh. "Just getting fresh air. I'm fine."
He doesn't look convinced but he also doesn't argue. Why would he? There's nothing he can say. "How's the Yoongi situation?" I ask.
He groans. "They are fighting upstairs. It's getting ridiculous, really. Jungkook never should have interfered in their relationship. I mean, they're already mated anyway!"
I nod. "How's...you know." I nod towards his stomach. A tiny bump growing making his shirt stick out just a bit.
He smiles, pressing his palm to his stomach. "I feel miserable and grouchy but it's great. I'm happy, too."
He really is, isn't he. I'm glad they've found their happiness. I don't really deserve it and I know it. I've not been the best omega out there. Namjoon, I'm sure, can attest to that fact.
He looks around. "So, have you and Namjoon spoken since..."
I shake my head, looking away. I've been actively avoiding him so he doesn't have to see me. I know when I'm not wanted.
He shifts, obviously becoming uncomfortable so I force a smile. "I'm fine, really. I just like being outside. I'll be in later."
"Don't forget to eat, okay? I'm making dinner soon."
"Okay." My stomach growls but I refuse to satisfy it. I haven't eaten anything since...since that night. Days ago. I'm weak but I don't care. Why do I need to be strong anyway? I do nothing. Maybe if I hold out just a little longer I'll shrivel into nothing at all...

"You were out there a long time." Jin notes as I finally come back inside around an hour later. He's the only one in the kitchen thankfully.
Shrugging, I sit down and watch him finish preparing dinner. I'm ravished but I'm too stubborn to give in. "I'm really tired. I think I'm going to just head to bed, okay?"
He frowns. "What? You haven't eaten yet!"
"Not hungry. I've been feeling really sick lately." That's not a complete lie. I've been feeling sick for days now. The stress has been getting to me.
     He eyes me with concern but once again doesn't argue. Again—what can he really say? "Alright. Please come eat later, though."
     "I will."
     "I'll save you some food, okay?"
     Nodding, I get up and leave the kitchen, walking aimlessly around the house. I really have no where to go. There is Hoseok and Yoongi's room. Taehyung and Jin's room. The cellar with Jungkook...then there's Namjoon...I can't go there for obvious reasons.
      I walk past all their rooms before pausing at the staircase to the attic. After a brief hesitation, I decide to take a look. Slowly, I push the door open and just stare. A door before another door. Like a weird secret passage way. I push the other one open and step inside the small room.
It's extremely small but there is a bed and dresser. Who lived in here before? It's obviously been lived in at some point.
I sit on the dusty bed and stare out the large window facing the back garden and forest. It's pretty. I pull my knees up to my chest and just stare out of the window, lost in thought.
Maybe they'll forget all about me up here. Maybe I can just fade from memory like the existence of this very room. I kinda feel like this room. Lost and forgotten. Useless. I can give it a purpose, though. I can make it useful. At least one of us can be meaningful.
At least one of us can thrive and continue living on. This room will always be here but me...one day I will disappear from this earth. Perhaps sooner than later.
Maybe then the dust of my body can finally become useful. I think I like that thought.