Spare Me ★ [ L.S ]

Confessions

I dedicate this to justshipbullshit. Have a nice day love.

Mood: Two Ghosts (by Harry Styles)

Louis pulled away slowly smiling.
Harry kept his eyes closed for a moment.
Louis run his thumb softly on Harry's lips.
Harry opened his eyes as Louis pulled his hand away.

"It's night now" Louis said.
Harry nodded knowing what Louis meant.
He stared at the distance and took a deep breath.
"I've never talked to anyone about this...so..." Harry stopped talking not knowing what else to say.
Louis interlocked their fingers again.
Harry took it as a sign to begin.

"So...Back in Cheshire before I came here, I lived with my mother. You've met her," he looked at Louis who nodded, "she is a fantastic person always cheerful and happy. But...when we still lived with my father, they are divorced, she wasn't like that at all."

"She loved my father so much. She was deeply in love with him. Sometimes I was jealous because I thought that she loved him more than me. At the moment...I think she thought the same...well later she chose me and...yeah let me take this from the beginning."

"So my mother loved him more than anything. But my father didn't feel the same. He didn't love her...he never did. He was with her because of what she could offer him. I don't mean only herself...I mean a clean house, food...that kind of things.
She would always do everything she could so he would be pleased and...all she wanted was just a simple I love you too which never came out of his mouth. My mother would often cry."

Louis kept looking at him trying to understand where all these things led.

"As the years passed, I was seven at the time, he became...violent. He used to beat her up everytime she did something wrong. Everytime she didn't please him enough, everytime what she did wasn't enough. He had become a monster. But that's not the saddest part...my mother still loved him. Can you believe that?"

He turned and looked at Louis who was frozen.
"Did he ever beat you?"

Harry shook his head as tears run down his cheeks.
"No. My mother would always protect me even if that meant more pain for her."
Louis wrapped his arms around Harry protectively as he buried his head into Louis' neck.
"Shh babe. I got you" he whispered.

After a minute Harry pulled back wiping his tears away with his sleeve.
"One day...things got pretty bad. My mum...she locked me in my room so he couldn't hurt me. I could hear him beating her. I was so scared Lou. I...she was shouting I love you. He was beating her and she was shouting I love you. That moment I knew. I promised myself to never love anyone that way. I should never love anyone except her and my friends."

Louis looked at Harry speechless. Harry seemed so vulnerable. He wanted to cuddle him and never leave him again. Put him in a box so he could be protected from everyone who could make him hurt like that. But he knew that what he wanted more was to help him overcome his fear. What he wanted more, was to help him break his promise. What he wanted more was to help him stand to his feet with a healthy smile.

"After a couple months she...she went to the police...everything was over. My mother had some hard time but she managed to get over all this shit and became this strong, independent and cheerful person she is now. I on the other hand...found it easy to keep my promise to myself and that's what I did."

Louis got curious as they had probably reached the Axel part of the story.

"When I met Axel...it was easy to see that he liked me. I liked him too." He admitted. "He...he probably was my first crush..." Harry chuckled revealing his dimples and Louis smiled at the sight.
"But I felt like...I thought that I had broken my promise to myself. I was angry and scared. I was confused. At times I thought that he was nothing to me...at times I thought that I loved him and...I was scared."

"He confessed that he had feelings for me and kissed me. I...I felt really happy and...he asked me to be his boyfriend...I didn't think twice." Harry wrapped his hands around his knees and rested his head on them.
"But when I realized what I had done...I...I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't break my promise after all. I cheated on him. Again and again cause I thought that by doing that...I proved that I didn't love him. He always learned the truth eventually...I never bothered to lie or to not spread it around. But I would always promise him that I wouldn't do it again and just...at the time I meant it but when I felt guilty again..."

Harry shook his head.
"I only recently understood that I didn't love him. You remember when I told you that I used to be in love with my ex? At the rooftop? When we had the...gang gathering?"

"Yes" Louis smiled softly.
"I was wrong."
"That means that you never broke your promise then" Louis pointed out.
"Umm..." Harry looked at the grass for a moment biting his lip.
"At the moment I hadn't...yes." He nodded.

Harry looked at Louis again and only then realized that it was really dark now. Louis' eyes were the only light you could find among the trees and the darkness. His eyes and the stars.
He tried not to get lost in them and say what he had in mind.

"But I've definitely broke it by now."