Trigger Warning!
Also this chapter really sucks ###
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Sam sat on the floor of his of bedroom his back was against the wall as he cried quietly and his hands shook vigorously, while his boyfriend laid in their bed sleeping soundly
"Sam" Gabriel groaned shifting uncomfortably, he felt that the warmth of his boyfriend's body was gone "What in the hell are-" Gabriel turned around opening his eyes to see Sam whimpering on the floor "Shit" Gabriel instantly got up out of bed and ran over to Sam's side kneeling down next to him
"Sam just breathe" Gabriel whispered, he never yelled at Sam when he had a panic attack because it would only scare him more "Gabe.." Sam muttered, Gabriel could only see Sam's messy hair as his head was draped between his knees as he tucked his body closer to him
"Sam it's okay you're fine" Gabriel tried but Sam cried louder and began to rock back and forth "No-no it-it's not fine-it"
"I'm right here Sam calm down"
Dean burst into the room along with Cas they both looked tired and annoyed "Can you guys keep it do-" Dean stopped as his eyes made their way onto his brother "Gabriel what's wrong with him?" Dean asked
"He's having a panic attack" Gabriel muttered still trying to wake his boyfriend, "What happend?!" Dean exclaimed, Gabriel ran a hand through his hair "I-i don't know I was sleeping, but Sam he wasn't in bed-I-"
"Do something!" Dean pressed
"I'm trying!" Gabriel whisper-yelled, "SAM" Dean yelled in attempts to snap him out of whatever trance he was in "Shut up you idiot!, you don't scream at someone when they're having a panic attack it'll only make them a more-" Gabriel stopped as his eyes glanced over Sam's hands, blood was dripping from his tightly clenched fists "-Dean.."
"What?"
"Look at his hands" Gabriel breathed trying hard not to tear up
"Why is he bleeding!" Dean exclaimed
"I don't-..Dean get bandages"
"Gabriel-"
"Now!" Dean huffed and ran out of the room Cas following behind him, Gabriel quickly turned his attention back to Sam "Sam open your fists" He pressed, Sam shook his head "Sam-stop it right now!" Gabriel took a deep breath he didn't like yelling at Sam and it wasn't going to make him stop so he gently grabbed both of Sam's wrist
"Sam look at me" He said no anger in his tone "Sam look at me" He repeated patiently, Sam slowly lifted his head, his face was stained from tears "Can you open you fists for me?" Gabriel asked softly, Sam didn't reply
Gabriel nodded slightly and decided to try another approach "Does it hurt?" He questioned "I can't feel anything" Sam whispered so quietly Gabriel almost didnt hear it "Well right now you're hurting yourself Sam and you're hurting me too" Sam shook his head "I don't want to hurt you"
"I know you don't, but you are by hurting yourself Sam, even if you don't feel it so please open your fists"
Sam didn't do anything, Gabriel sighed before kissing Sam softly in attempts to calm him down, Sam's rapidly beating heart slowed down and his body stopped shaking, Sam hesitantly kissed back and unknowingly un-clenched his fists
Gabriel pulled away from Sam as a tear rolled down his face "I'm sorry" Sam muttered averting his eyes from Gabriel's
"Why?" Gabriel asked bringing Sam's gaze back to him "I-i just can't control it" Sam cried "I know you can't Sam and that's fine you don't have to apologise" Gabriel reassured, he didn't want to bring up the fact that Sam was hurting himself just yet, though he could sense Sam knew that they were going to have to talk about it sooner or later
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"Mornin'" Gabriel greeted entering the kitchen "Hey, how's Sam?" Dean asked taking a swing of beer
"Dean it's 10 am" Cas said staring at the beer in his husbands hand, Dean shrugged "Well it's happy hour somewhere my dear" He smiled and turned his attention back to Gabriel "He's fine he's getting changed right now, I thought I'd take him out for a while" Gabriel answered
"Why?" Castiel questioned leaning on the counter, "I want talk to him about last night" Gabriel said as the memories briefly came back to him
"Speaking of which, does he get them often?, panic attacks" Dean questioned, "Yeah he does it's mostly because of his nightmares but I don't know.." Gabriel trailed off
"What?"
"..Last night-it was different I-" Gabriel sighed "Because he hurt himself intentionally?" Cas said
"No-Sam he'd never-..he wouldn't do that to himself not on purpose" Gabriel sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more than he was Dean and Cas
"What are we talking about" Sam said entering the kitchen, he bent down and gave Gabriel a quick peck on the cheek "You ready to go?" Gabriel asked standing up "Yeah let's go"
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Sam and Gabriel sat on the dry sand of the beach staring at the beautiful sunset that lay above the crystal blue waves, Sam smiled he always loved the sunset, whenever him Dean and their dad were on a case he would always peak out the window of the motel room to watch the sun go down whenever he got the chance
"Hey Sam?" Gabriel muttered looking away from the sunset and at his boyfriend, Sam hummed a 'yes' "Can we talk about last night now?" Gabriel asked softly not putting any pressure on him at all "I really don't want to-"
"I know" Gabriel cut him off "I know you don't want to talk about it and I get that, I've been getting it,but you were hurting yourself physically and you didn't even know it, that's not something you just don't talk about"
Sam sighed, Gabriel never pushed anything out of him, Gabe always took his time with him never once asking for anything in return, Sam sometimes wondered why it was but never went as far as to ask him
"...I-i it was nothing really it started out as just a nightmare.. and I know I've had nightmares like it before but last nights one felt real" Sam started to pick at his nails it was one of his nervous ticks "And the pain it was too much I couldnt-"
"-Sam it's okay"
"No Gabriel" He started to roll up his sleeves unravelling the bandages around his arms "It's-it's not" Gabriel stared at the wounds in shock, Sam had four thin lined scars in the same place on his both of his arms "Sam what are those?" He asked half-heartedly, but he already had a pretty good idea of what they were
"It started a few weeks ago-"
"Weeks?!, Sam you said you got those bandages because of a hunt!" Gabriel exclaimed, Sam nodded shyly "I know I'm sorry I lied, I thought it was just a one time thing, but then it kept happening, I'm not doing it on purpose I just get so scared, and then before I know it there's just so much blood-..I needed a distraction from the nightmares-"
"So you start cutting yourself?!" Gabriel whisper-yelled trying to contain his anger and saddness "Sam they're not just nightmares anymore they're strongly affecting your life now, our life"
"-I know Gabriel-I just don't know how to make them stop" Sam choked
Gabriel took a calming breath "..Sam" He sighed as a tear rolled down his face, he cupped Sam's hands in his kissing them softly "I don't know either, but promise me one thing" Sam sniffed "Don't ever hurt yourself agian"
"I promise"
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Woop woop, I kinda like making these kinda oneshots idk it's kinda like me projecting my crap onto them?
I hope y'all enjoyed
