Words cannot describe how I feel right now..I mean..it's insane
I hope that the next episode talks more about how Dean felt but..damn, last year after they announced s15 would be the last season I read an announcement that because spn was ending that they'd just make destiel canon
I held on to hope but I honestly did not think it would happen..never in the past two years did I think it would happen, and how Cas knew he could never have Dean..not like he wanted but now the only thing on my mind is that he never got to say it back
~~
'Who are you?'
'Castiel'
'Yeah I figured as much I mean what are you?"
'I'm an angel of the lord'
~~
"Dean-"
Dean slammed the door shut in Sam's face, Cas rolled his eyes at Dean's anger "Dean calm down" He said patiently
"You almost died Castiel"
Cas recoiled at the use of his full name "Almost..I didn't" He sighed "Dean I get you want to keep me safe but you can't protect me from everything I will get hurt it's part of our job" Cas said his voice gentle
"No-I never should've let Sam talk me into letting you come!" He exclaimed "You're human Cas- as in -not an angel-..not anymore- you're not bullet proof- one thing happens..and we lose you- I lose you"
Dean may not of realised it but they were close together, Cas looked down at Dean's lips and leaned in and Dean kissed back, -or at least Cas thought he did- and it was perfect but then Dean harshly pulled away
"What the hell are you doing?"
Cas blinked "I thought..you" They stared blankly at eachother for a few seconds, Dean swallowed thickly, his mouth dry- he backed up from Cas, slowly making his way to the door
"Where are you going?" Cas asked but he was ignored, his hand darted out and he grabbed Dean by the arm "Dean stop"
"Cas..let go of me"
He ignored the man's anger "No- you can't keep running from our problems" He said firmly "Dean..please"
There was a short pause and then suddenly Cas was being shoved and pinned against a wall by Dean who was huffing angrily, Cas gulped audibly "Dean"
"Shut up Cas just let me..." He stared into Cas' blue eyes before he let go of Cas taking a step back "I'm sorry Cas..I just get so.. mad when you put yourself out there, you might not care if you get hurt but I do"
"Dean..I.." He really was at a sudden loss for words, Dean pulled his eyes from Cas' lips "I'm gonna..I'm gonna get my own room" He didn't trust himself around the ex-angel
"Dean-"
"Just forget about it Cas"
~
Dean stared at the hand print on his shoulder "He told me..he told me that he loved me" Dean's lip quivered as he tried to hold in the tears
"Dean.."
Fuck he needed to throw- or punch- or kill something- but all he wanted was Cas "What is so wrong with me that I couldn't..he knew he was gonna..he.."
"Dean you and Cas have always had a special bond, you'll always have that"
"He's gone Sam!- I kept it together after Mom..and after we lost- but Cas- without him, I'm done..he was what kept me from losing it- even when we were fighting if he was alive then that's all that mattered"
Sam eyed his brother "You loved him too didn't you?..more than your bestfriend? "
Dean's head whipped upwards in- I don't know shame?- fear- "I loved him as someone who would always have my back, someone who was always there for me no questions asked-"
"You were in love with him" Sam said gently, making Dean clench his jaw "It's scary I know but it's the truth Dean- and you need to accept that because things are so crap right now that I don't- and you -shouldn't- care that you loved a man" Sam sighed "You don't have to overthink it, you loved a person, you loved Cas"
Dean nodded, finally letting the tears go "I loved Cas" He whispered to himself "..So much"
