Thinner

19

Mirrored.
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Today was one of the few days he was actually able to see his own reflection. It was moments like these he typically would look forward too, but today he found it unfortunate that he had the opportunity to glance at such an object. It could be solved by simply not looking at his own facial proportions, or his own bodily build. But no, with his mindset, he just have to take the opportunity to look. Even if he'd break down in tears.

And today, was the day where a nurse forgot to cover the mirror in the bathroom.

The urge to not look was strong.

But the urge to look was and will always, be stronger.

As he turned himself towards the reflection of himself. He saw his own cheeks..they were more plumper and prominent than he remembered them being, his faced looked more happy in a way he didn't like.

Lifting the garments of his clothing, he revealed his frail body. He sighed in a form of relievement when he saw not much has changed compared to his face. But he still noticed one of ribs sort of dissappear the slightest bit, making him feel self conscious about his body.

He pulled his skin, rubbing his naked stomach, causing goosebumps to appear.

"I wish I wasn't this horrific to look at" he mumbled, turning away his eyes in disgust as he stripped himself from all of his articles of clothing. Hurrying under the shower to wash up.

Showering was a nightmare for him. Having to look down at his own body, noticing the slightest changes nobody else would. It made him stressed out, it made him sad, confused, and out of control.

Food was his way of control, and he lost it. All of it.

He felt the rush of his hands gliding soap through all his attached body parts, scrubbing and cleansing his skin as fast as possible to escape this hell of a nightmare. Just seeing his bones stick out, his skin pale and his head being slightly fuzzy. It forced panic through his body, it terrified him.

It was so sickening how his own precious body was so foreign to him. The way he wanted to carve off his skin to pull out the fat he could feel on his body, ribbing apart his bones to feel himself bleed in agonizing pain. That what the storm within him felt like.

It felt like a chaotic mess, a mess that isn't able to just be fixed by hand. It was fear and the though of revenge that struck like lighting. Yet at the same time, all he ever wanted..was to be invisible.

Finishing up his routine for his whole body and hair, he twisted the faucet the stop the raining water. Wiping away water from his face, not being able to depict actual water from the tears he produced seconds ago. He finally wrapped the thin towel around his frail body, looking at his own reflection again, before turning away.

He quickly grabbed the new garments, letting the articles of clothing swallow up his body, hiding the ugly profanities beneath the softer looking surface. He tried his best to get rid of any access water still stuck in his hair, in which refused to grow past its current length. He sighed on behalf of his own misery as he stepped outside the shower room. Ready to escorted back to his room.

It's been a days since he last spoke to Chan, but he had meals to attend too. And Chab had physical therapy, and Hyunjin is slowly getting up. So he had no one, other than his own mindset to spend time with.

"Oh- there you were" his thoughts got interrupted by a tall familiar face, approaching him. "I was searching for you" he chuckled.

"Aren't you supposed to rest?" He questioned the taller who laughed briefly at his statement.

"The doctor said I could be up and moving now, but I just can't be too..aggressive?" He smiled. "So? Are you free by any chance?".

"I'm sorry but..I got meals to attend too, even if I hate to admit it..I need to also stay focused on treatment" he sighed, looking down at his own self. He could feel the weight on his body, and the coldness disappearing slightly. It made him feel less alive, even if he was actually dying before.

"But you don't have weight ins? Or check ups today?".

"No that's Wednesday..why?" He asked, halting his steps as he stopped in front of the doors to his room.

"Hm I'm not sure...don't you think the doctors would agree that spending time with a recovering friend for lunch is much more important?" He proposed, entering the room along with the younger who followed the latter.

It didn't sound like a stupid idea to him, but he wished he could actually part take in a meal outside of his schedule. He felt so ridiculous for not being able to gulp down anything if he was conscious of it.

"Hyunjin..I would love too...but they won't agree to that..maybe tomorrow?".

"They won't allow it if you ask the wrong supervisor" he smirked, as he pulled out something from his pockets. "By the way..I managed to steal more tape! I noticed you weren't exactly comfortable with the basic plain ones..so I brought you a variety" Hyunjin offered, handing the rolled up tape to the younger.

"So I'm gonna wear your crimes on my face?" He laughed.

But he felt the genuine offering. And he felt happy, he liked the tape. And he liked how fearless Hyunjin appeared to be.

"I knew you would like it!" He joked, notching the boy with his elbow.

"I wouldn't ever have thought I'd get so happy over tape".

He sighed as he handed the older the tape.

"I can't see my own face, I would love some help" he smiled.