Thinner

91

Globe.
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"Where were you?".

The question shocked the younger as he turned around the watch, the male sitting on the bed. His hair was messy and sticking out to all directions, his eyes holding deep dark circles, looking more lifeless than usual, and his body seemed tense.

He figured it must have been from getting withdrawn from drugs, and he could only look at the boy with pity.

"With Hyunjin, I thought Chan told you?" He smiled, stratching his back as he flinched slightly at the small pain that ran down his spine.

The latter gave him a suspicious look as he stood up from the bed, approaching the younger who tilted his head. There was a brief silence among the two of them. Eyes staring into each other's.

"You guys fucked".

Jeongin blinked rapidly at the sudden choice of words. His jaw dropped slightly, cheeks flushing with a tint of red as he looked away with a gulp. He wasn't supposed to discuss anything sexual with the other. The guy was withdrawing from years of addictions, and just this small talk alone could trigger a reaction from him. But how was he going to dismiss the other's lurking attempt in prying him open already?

"H-hajun-" he spoke, only to get interrupted by Hajun, who chuckled lowly.

"So you did fuck" Hajun stated confidently. "I knew it. I smell that shit from miles away".

"We shouldn't talk about this, Hajun" Jeongin breathed out, looking at the older with cautious eyes.

Speaking about a triggering subject with Hajun could only worsen his condition. He only knew that from the mention of it would send Hajun into a spiral of questions that he wanted to get answered. He knew Hajun would urge to know more about it. He wanted details to fill his deprived addictions. Since he couldn't have it, he could only hear about it.

"I'm not a baby, Jeongin. I can talk about sex if I want to talk about sex, I can talk about drugs if I want to talk about drugs" Hajun geared up, his eyes closed slightly as he breathed in.

"I'm not saying that you can't. But we really shouldn't be speaking about it, and you know exactly why. I-" he sighed as he stopped himself, thinking about his next words carefully. He looked at Hajun, who had moved back to sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. "Hyunjin and I were together, and we had a nice time. There isn't more to it-".

"But there is" Hajun pried as he looked up from his hands to shoot the younger a glare. "You guys fucked, just say it like that, you don't have to speak around it".

Jeongin smiled slightly, as he sat down beside Hajun, bringing the older down to lay on the bed with him.

"I don't like saying that we fucked. That's why I didn't say that we fucked. Because with Chan and Hyunjin, it is more than just fucking around, it's deeper than that. It's love Hajun, pure love" Jeongin explained, looking at the ceiling, wondering how long they had to talk about this film Hajun would calm down.

"Doesn't sound so pure to me" Hajun laughed, shaking his head as he tilted his head to look at the younger. "But I understand. I wonder if I would ever find someone where sex wouldn't be fucking around, but it being just love" he mumbled.

Jeongin could feel the tension in the room shift from agitation to a more emotional state. The shift felt sudden and heavy, and even Jeongin could note that Hajun had a lot on his mind that he really couldn't get out.

It pained him. His friend had a hard time expressing his emotions because of the restrictions on mentioning drugs and sex to one another. Hajun only had those thoughts thriving in his mind, and when he would be alone, that seemed to be the only thing on his mind. Jeongin could sense that. He felt apologetic, knowing that the withdrawal was harsh on everyone, especially Hajun. Hajun couldn't talk about anything that could trigger him, and neither could Jeongin.

No more drugs, no more sex, no more alcohol.

It was like telling Hajun that he would die in a minute away from now.

"It's hard for you. You've never tried being away from such things in such a long time. You haven't imagined a world without it. But I'm proud of you for even trying" Jeongin expressed, cuddling into the latter's side. "You have been a good friend, Hajun. You have been there a lot for me. But it's time that you should be with yourself. You should acknowledge your sober existence. Being in the real world doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing".

"You found that through them, didn't you? That why you aren't starving yourself repeatedly every day to make yourself someone for other people because they see you as you? You've found these people, and you bettered yourself for not only them but yourself too. How did you do that?".

Jeongin gulped. Tear dripping from his eyes already. But a smile was still evident on his face.

He did find his people, but his people weren't just Chan and Hyunjin. Hajun was a major part of those people, too, but Hajun, just like himself, couldn't acknowledge his own self.

"I don't know, I truly have no idea. I was always hesitant at first, I was always starving at first. But over time, eating was no longer as uncomfortable as it used to be. The only thing I struggle with now is my appearance. But I've got not only Chan and not only Hyunjin by my side. But I got you, and if I was being honest, if you weren't here, I think I wouldn't be anywhere as far as I am right now. I want to be like that for you too" he sniffed, engulfing the older into a warm hug. "I wouldn't want to be here without you".

"Will you really be there for me? Like right now? Am I too emotional right now? I'm not used to feeling like this for so long, I'm used to smoking it away, drinking it away, fucking it away. But you hugging me, makes me feel nice on the insides. Will you always hug me like this when I feel like I do right now?".

He could hear the tears in Hajun's voice. The small withering emotions that broke loose in the tone the older carried with him. He couldn't see his eyes, but he knew they welled with tears that carried years of pain.

"I won't leave you behind" he whispered. "You won't get rid of me so easily".