Thinner

52

Duvets.
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Waking up in the car for the fifth time felt unnecessarily tiresome. His body was sore from all the uncomfortable positions he's been sleeping in. His eyes were drowsy as he sat up, looking to his side to try and find Chan, who were nowhere in his sight. He let out a confused sigh as he ran his hand through his hair.

He knew he was in deep shit. His eyes couldn't focus properly, and his body was shaking, feeling cold. He hadn't eaten in so many days, and he could feel it. The dizziness and the occasional blackouts he would get made him tired. How he would constantly freeze even if he wore the hoodie he packed.

This whole experience was exhausting for him. And it made him believe that eventually, he would have to step foot in Chan's apartment.

When that would be, it would have to be today.

He was gagging on nothing that laid in his stomach, and his head hurt like nothing before. His body was shaking by just sitting down, and he was unbelievably frustrated with himself and by the situation he still sat in.

He looked outside the car window, spotting a deserted gas station with a small store to buy beverages and meals. His eyes squinted as he spotted Chan in the store, eating a pot of ramen by himself. He looked at him, watching him sit there by himself, in the middle of the night alone at a gas station.

Jeongin felt bad for him. He wasn't supposed to eat those meals alone, let alone be alone while they were basically living in the car for the past 5 days. Jeongin took a deep breath as he looked to his left as he saw the car keys on the seat. A small smile perked on his lips as he grasped those keys in his palms and got out of the car. He locked it, just in case something were to happen. He continued to step foot into the store, getting blinded by the bright light as he turned to where Chan was sitting, approaching him and sitting down beside the man.

"I'm ready" he spoke, his body shaking at the thought, but his mind had chosen what to stay stubborn on.

"Ready for what?" Chan asked as he turned to him with a shocked gaze, not expecting the boy to be beside him, but rather asleep in the car.

"I've come to the conclusion, that I am so fucking tired of sleeping in a car, I need a bed" Jeongin laughed as he rested his head on the small counter table, looking at Chan with admiration.

Chan smiled as he placed his chopsticks down. Patting the younger on the back, he chuckled.

"Let's get you something to eat in the car first, and we'll drive home" Chan spoke, and without even waiting for a reply, he stood up to pick something out for him to eat on the journey back.

Having no time to oppose, all he could do was sigh. Knowing he had to eventually eat, even if he despised the thought of it.

It made him think about his disorder, wondering if their would be a way in the future where he could eat whatever he felt like without feeling immersing guilt from it. He wanted to enjoy a meal like how Chan would, even if it was possible now, he had to make it work eventually. The thought was just stressing him out, the way he could feel the shaking in his bones at the thought of consuming food.

His eyes squinted again, taking a deep breath as he watched Chan retrieve back with snacks in his hands.

"I got you some stuff for the drive back. It's gonna be a long drive" Chan spoke, helping the boy up from his seat, as they walked out together from the store.

The night was pretty quiet. There wasn't a lot of noise or commotion going on. The stars in the sky were significantly brighter than any other days. They made it to the car quickly, as they both sat down inside of the vehicle, ready for the long drive home.

Jeongin felt a different kind of respect for Chan after this whole week. He hasn't been inside of a house for a whole week. And it was so odd thinking back to the beginning of this whole mess, how he wandered around for 2 nights on his own, only to be with Chan for the remaining 5 days in his car, driving around like nothing even mattered.

He was glad he built up the confidence to put an end to this hopeless triangle of trust issues. Chan wasn't a threat to him. He was a savior. One that showed up when he needed him the most. One that stayed even when it was all over. He didn't just like him anymore. He loved him. And he felt the happiness spin around his body after admitting that to himself.

"Do you wanna sleep when we get back to my place" Chan asked, as he handed the younger snacks for him to eat.

Jeongin looked down on his lap, seeing the many different bags and containers containing so many different and triggering food for him. It made him feel a bit sick, but he knew he had to eventually eat something.

"Jeongin" Chan called out, looking at the younger with the same soft eyes that he always carried around with him. "Those aren't for you to eat just to eat..those are for you to enjoy and have a good time eating. Forget about everything, forget about the voices in your head and just enjoy the world of peace".

The way Chan said that made it sound easier than done. But he said it so genuinely that he felt so warm inside. He knew Chan was right. He knew he needed to learn how to enjoy and appreciate something without overthinking it. He was just afraid.

Afraid that it would all fall down again.