Thinner

79

Habromania.
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"This isn't as fun as I wanted it to be" Jeongin pouted as he watched the older carrying three bags and a big purple plushie with ease. Although he had won their bet, Jeongin felt little to no achievement.

"What? did you want me to cry carrying these or break my arms?" Chan turned as he stopped, looking at the younger with a satisfying grin.

"At least make it seem like it?" He stood dumbfounded. Putting on a pretentious smile to cover up the unwanted disappointment within himself.

He remembered how he loved winning and being good at everything. The way his confidence would rise up when he did something right and how it would falter if he did something wrong. But it surely wasn't like that anymore. It's been a long time since he really had an opportunity to actually win over someone in a game. And even though he was supposed to be beaming with endless laughter and enlightened smiles, he found himself stuck in pretending to be the things listed above.

Was it because he expected more? More from Chan, but more from himself, too? He knew he couldn't ask nor accept a request of what they both wanted on their first outing together. This was supposed to be building new memories with capabilities and flexibility. But it all seemed like it was still stuck in the same mess 2 or so months ago.

Even through his smiling facade, they weren't arguing. But he knew that it was in the air. An emotion so tense and filled with negative memories that both parties haven't really coped with well. All being left unspoken about. Leading him to wonder if the older might even care about it or if he cared too much to bring up the subject.

And despite the still and long smile he wore on his face, he could see the way Chan stared at him. A way in which seemed to dig deeper into just the exterior, burrowing into the interior of his mindset.

But letting go of the torturous smile would just mean that whatever Chan was investigating into will only be proven right. And he didn't want more worrying and concern from anyone.

"Hyunjin wanted me to ask you if you liked art, and like it being portrayed and stuff-".

"Hyunjin wants to know if I like going to art museums?" He interrupted Chan, letting the explanation reveal itself as a not so shocking surprise.

"Yeah, that.." Chan chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck, cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

"I haven't gone before, so I'd love to go" he nodded gently as he instead chose to walk alongside Chan, still buffed out over the fact that Chan still managed to carry the bags and plushie with ease.

It really shouldn't have been a surprise considering the fact that he had seen Chan naked before. And he was buffed up pretty well. But for some reason, things about this man kept surprising him.

"Can I...no never mind-".

"No, say it" he demanded, looking at the man before his eyes, gulping at the sight he took in. He blinked softly as he gazed upon Chan's eyes, locking eyes with the older.

"I will tell you next time. We are already here" Chan stated, letting his lips stretch out into a small smile.

"Sure..uhm, It was fun today..see you next week?" He mumbled, scratching his feet over the surface of the ground. Not really wanting Chan to leave, knowing well enough he had set this system up.

He knew he shouldn't initiate it. But in this moment, he simply couldn't help himself. He let his own mindset turn its volume off. He let his own heart relax as he stepped closer to the older who was about to take a step back. But before Chan could even question the younger behavior, Jeongin was quick to bring the man into a warm embrace.

He felt vulnerable doing so. But it felt so nice to be engulfed into Chan's arms again. He had yearned for this. He had wanted this for so long. Having just this little felt amazing, and it felt better when Chan didn't hesitate to deepen their hug.

2 months had passed without feeling the touch of the man responding to his embrace right now. Feeling beyond just emotional and exposed to the whole world seemed to make him fixate more on the good memories together rather than the bad.

"I'm glad you reached out to me" he sighed. Taking in the scent of Chan's cologne, something he had missed to do dearly for months.

"I'm glad you gave me a second chance to better myself. I know you don't want to speak about it. But I'm sorry I let myself treat you the way I treated you. It means the world to me that you let me have this one chance in proving myself right. And I promise you, I'm never going to leave you behind" Chan whispered into his ears, bringing tears to well up into his eyes.

The amount he had missed the two men, knowing they were capable of changing the way he thought and felt about everything, showcased how bad he had it without them. And even with Hajun bringing light into his world of darkness. Having Chan and Hyunjin back felt like an accomplishment of pure happiness and salvation.

He wouldn't take a moment for granted with them. He wouldn't want to let himself get picked away from them by his own mindset ever again.

Go with the flow.

That's what he had been needing to do. Going with the flow only meant sailing with the waves to see where he'd end up. Sometimes, those waves were just taller and more aggressive by nature than others, and he only needed to pass them.

"I missed you" he cried softly into the embrace, tightening his arms around the older.

"And I missed you, too".