Thinner

37

Badge.
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They say that to define hatred meant to really mean it. To be deceived by the thought of being so invested in seeing somebody suffer. Yet he didn't feel that way towards Hyunjin. He didn't hate him. Yet at the moment, the words blurted out of his mouth a week ago still spun around his mind. As if he was reliving the moment of him spitting those words out into the open, only to be responded to with the most honest answer.

He didn't hate Hyunjin.

He resented him.

He wanted the man to feel his emotional suffering for the past few months. To understand, in depth, how all the ignorance made him feel..

Even so, time seemed to be slowly running out.

He was visibly starting to gain weight. His face wasn't hollow, and skinny to the point his skin creased the edges of his cheeks bones. His cheeks were fuller, much plumper now. Eyes looked less tired and more energized.

He did not like it.

The amount of negativity he has been feeling revolving everything recently has created an almost permanent frown between his brows. He wad always in his thoughts, picking on his nails, tapping his foot. But his thoughts were invaded by one person only; Hyunjin.

Even if they shared the same room. They barely spoke. It was like they were distant again. Perhaps it was his own fault for being so stubborn. Maybe it was him who was the problem.

It was night, and the clouds covered the shining stars. The room was filled with tension, both wanting to speak. But nothing came out.

It was like sitting in the most quietest room in the whole world. Staring into nothing, contemplating to discuss something. But again, nothing was muttered.

The time kept going, and he was still behind the schedule. His eyes weren't closing. Instead, they were wide open, drying out. Not even tears filled his visions, and not even sobs left his tense tongue.

"I...." it was like his sense lifted when he heard that voice speak. He didn't look, but he was paying full attention to the presence beside him. Silently hoping he would continue speaking, so he could put his mind at ease.

He wanted to make up. He wanted to go back to cuddling the older. But the grudges he held were still tight.

"If no one has told you this today...I just want to remind you that I'm...proud of you" the voice laced with sincerity almost made him spill the tears that had been dried out for so long. It made his heart ache, wondering why he would hold such grudges towards such a poor soul. "I'm also sorry..for what I did...I'm not going to reason anymore, but I just want to put it behind us..I want you back" he whispered, but it was very much audible for him to hear.

Building up the courage, he let go of the breaths he was holding in. His eyes glistened, moist by sudden sadness flowing through his veins. And yet, he couldn't say a word.

"I know I hurt you with my actions..I truly didn't mean to. Can't-".

"Please shut up" he mumbled..hearing the silence after his words.

Was that too harsh?

He didn't mean it to be. He was on the verge of breaking down. He wanted Hyunjin as much as Hyunjin wanted him.

He didn't have the courage to admit that.

Out of the blue, Hyunjin stood up. Strolling towards the boy's bed. The room was dark, and neither could barely see a thing. But they could spot each others silhouettes. Hyunjin sat on the bed, and for the first time, Jeongin didn't move away.

"I wanna make up for the pain I've caused you..can you please let me in? I really want what we had, back".

"You ignored me..I walked up to you the day after, I was happy for once..and you didn't even look my way..I was so confused. I told myself not to overthink, but the more it happened, the clearer the picture became. It felt like I was stabbed ten times in my back...do you know how it feels to have no one your whole life..and then when you find what you thought were the right people, they break your heart..I'm trying hard to accept you..but I'm so scared".

The concerning thing with his statement wasn't that he was crying. It was the opposite. He didn't shed a tear. He looked into nothing, blankly. Letting his thoughts out. And it felt so nice to get it off of his chest. It didn't feel nearly as heavy as it did prior.

"You can call me what you want..an asshole, an idiot..a bitch. And I don't know what to do other than apologize over and over again" Hyunjin expressed, looking at the younger who finally lowered his head.

It began to quiet down again. And Jeongin thought the conversation was over until he felt an arm wrap around his body, pulling him in towards the warmth of another.

He didn't argue back. He let it happen, and he allowed himself to be calm and accept the hug.

"I know you are going through a lot. Me and Chan didn't help, and we fucked up big time...I apologize" Hyunjin whispered, holding the boy close, not wanting to let go.

"If I let you in..will you promise me to never leave again?" He asked, leaning closer to his touch.

"I promise the whole world that I won't disappoint you ever again".

"Pinky promise"

Hyunjin's eyes stared into the younger's, his wide eyes shocked from the sudden pinky present in front of him. Either way, he brought his own pinky up to the younger's, intertwining them softly.

"I pinky promise..let's forget about this..we were idiots, I admit that. Let's try to get some peace" Hyunjin responded smiling as he glanced at the way their pinkies held together. The skin contact brought back happiness.

"If you do it again, i will slap you" he stated, causing the older to laugh softly.

"Hm, is that so?" He asked, gazing at the younger with sweet puppy eyes.

Jeongin gulped at how the close of them became. They were inches apart, heart pounding like crazy.

It felt a bit too early after an argument..but if he couldn't have Hyunjin now...then when was he available?

"Hyunjin...if you come any closer, I don't think I can resist it".

"Resist what?" He smiled cheekily, hovering above the younger.

Jeongin gulped, eyes going down to his lips and up again. His hands were on the latter's chest, yet he wasn't pushing him away. Their lips were inches away. They could feel each other's breaths, their lips wanting to touch.

"Hyun-" he was shut up when muttering his name, feeling the much wanted pair of soft lips on his.

The way Hyunjin's arm sneaked around his waist, only to pull him closer, shocked him. Eyes wide opened, shut gently as he relaxed into the touch.

Having never felt that way before, he felt confused as to what to do, but he let himself follow whatever lead Hyunjin took. He was hoping and praying this moment would last forever.