Thinner

101

Solacing.
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It was beyond just sad having to walk around the empty apartment that still had Hajun's scent lingering in it. It's been 2 weeks since the incident took place, 2 weeks since the friend he had known for the longest time passed away. It was cold in the apartment, all utilities having been shut off the past three days, and now everything was clean and empty. There no longer stood the TV beside the window he loved to look out of. The couch was removed earlier today, Hajun's bed was removed a week ago. And now everything reminding him of him was actually gone.

It felt like it couldn't keep getting worse. It didn't matter how many things of Hajun's he kept to himself. It wasn't ever enough because, truly, the only thing he could need was Hajun.

A week ago, he remembered laying in the far left corner of the room, wailing tears of anguish, knowing the body of his best friend was being buried, and he couldn't attend. It was a private funeral. He couldn't do anything, but it broke him so greatly that day, knowing he only had the opportunity to witness and experience the passing and still not be able to attend the funeral? Absolutely wrecked him through. He was so tired, but he only slept when he passed out from exhaustion. He had no energy to eat or take care of his basic health. He was drowning in all of Hajun's clothes, holding the picture frame of them together closely to his chest every day.

He sighed, looking back at Hyunjin, who stood also glancing around at the empty apartment. The feeling being heart-wrenching to look at, seeing how furnished and alive this place was a month ago. A month ago, everyone was alive and healthy. Everyone was smiling. The apartment was filled with warmth and laughter. It was cold and quiet now, other than the echo of feet stepping around the rooms.

"I'm ready" he nodded, letting a single tear go as he blew a kiss into Hajun's bedroom, the place he passed away so peacefully. He shook slightly, grasping Hyunjin's hand as he was getting gently guided out of the apartment for the last time ever in his life. And despite breaking down in tears, he didn't stop. He couldn't stop.

He needed to go home to Chan and Hyunjin. He needed to find a stable place to stay. Where love, laughter, and warmth were present, but he knew it wouldn't be the same again. At least it didn't feel like it was ever going to be the same.

As they exited the apartment complex for the very final time and entered the car, silence befell them as nothing but lingering thoughts and emotions could be shared indirectly between them. Their breaths were heavy, one tired from carrying all the boxes of Jeongin's own few personal items, mostly Hajun's clothes and accessories. The other one was heaving out of breath from the tears that strolled down his plump cheeks. It was so surreal to be going away like this. He was supposed to stay in that place with Hajun for half a year more before he would move, and now, it was simply just a month he got with him since that decision was made.

"I'm sorry I haven't said much, baby, I really have a lot of thoughts, but I just don't know what is appropriate to say at this point" Hyunjin sighed, looking at the road as he began driving off. "I want to say it will all be okay, and it's not like it isn't going to be okay, but right now, even I feel it, not the amount you do, but I feel it, and it's weird" Hyunjin spoke, driving rather slowly down the road, not caring about the cars passing by him impatiently.

"I feel sick, you know?" Jeongin started, wiping his tears as he let out a huff, sniffing back the snot that threatened to escape his nose. "He was dead before I came into the room. He wasn't breathing. He wasn't conscious. I kept shaking him, thinking I would eventually get a response from him. But how can a dead person move? How will they talk back to someone? Hajun wasn't alive, and yet everyone still tried, spiking false hope, knowing he was dead and there was no rhythm in his heart, they kept trying, and failing miserably at it" he mumbled, feeling wrathful towards the paramedics that could only do one thing, but even if they only could do so little, they messed up.

They shouldn't have spent so much energy breaking a dead person's ribs, raising hope that would only falter seconds later.

He knew better than to blame. But he couldn't help himself, but he hated those people.

"I just can't help but wonder why and how heroin? He was locked in that room in that bed. How did he get his hands on heroin?" Hyunjin questioned, knowing that Jeongin obviously didn't know. But it sparked a knew confusion for the younger.

Hyunjin was right, Hajun shouldn't have been capable of getting such a drug in that state. He knew Hajun would be desperate, but not that desperate. So it made him wonder who Hajun last contacted to go run and grab such a thing for him.

Hajun had always been in contact with dealers. He knew where they lingered around the city. He had their numbers, personal socials, and sites in the palm of his hands. Anyone would be willing to deliver to Hajun. Hajun had great cash to give. He didn't care how much he spent. He just needed it. And he got it. And now he's dead.

It really didn't change a thing anymore. The present was the present. Hajun was dead, and he will be dead tomorrow, too. He would still be dead in a month. He would still be dead in a year. It didn't matter what he had taken. Who gave it to him. How much he took. Because he will remain dead. And no matter how much digging people did into this, hajun would continue to be dead, buried 6 feet under, with no light or warmth, in a coffin, closed and sealed like in his room.

"How he got it should be out of the picture. He got it, and he is dead now" he looked away, out the car window, and he looked up at the gloomy sky. Fall was around the corner. It only made sense that would be the reason the sky would cry.

It was an end of an era for both him and the sky. It wasn't bright and sunny anymore. It will remain dark and gloomy for some time, and he would need to watch his steps before he slips.

Hajun would probably have laughed if he slipped in a puddle.

He would actually most likely hunch over holding his stomach tightly, trying to catch his breath while laughing at him.

That wasn't going to be the case anymore.

"I love you" he turned as he looked at Hyunjin seriously, knowing those words were beginning to mean so much more to him now than it already did before.

"I love you too, baby" Hyunjin gave a reassuring smile as he placed his hand on the boy's thigh, squeezing the skin a little as he continued to drive down the road.

All while Jeongin stared at the hand, grinning the slightest bit he could before placing his hand on top of Hyunjin's.